Things Got Weird

[ BRYAN ]

My body is still shaking from everything that has happened a while ago. It took me a long time gaining my confidence to leave The Parfait. People were staring at me as I left. They were talking about us.

Becca broke up with me; the only woman I ever imagined having a life with. This fucking hurts... everything hurts! The ambiance of the town became gloomy and the city lights cannot guide me home anymore. The headlights of my car aren't giving enough light for my eyes to see the road. My heart aches in million ways I cannot describe it. My mind is jagged, still stuck on that scenario at The Parfait, kneeling with my proposal. My tears are invading my cheeks with a poker face. I'm staring blankly ahead of this road.

I can't imagine my life without her... I cannot think of anything else but Becca.

I kept my feelings too much that I thought I will have her forever. I was so confident. Now I have no one at my back.

I hate this day; I hate everything!

Driving these long road seemed like a highway to hell to me. Staring blankly ahead as cars pass me by, nothing kept on rowing but the word WHY on my mind.

Moments of driving. Nothing seemed working.

Time passed by as I arrived home thinking of only one thing; Becca broke up with me. I parked the car on the garage lamely with my head battling all the anxiety coming in. I still cannot believe about the things that just happened. My consciousness lives right there and I'm taking the embarrassment with me. Today is awful.

A loud beep was heard. I checked my wrist watch as my senses noticed where it's coming from. Tilting my head down, raising my elbows, knowing it's already midnight.

I sighed deeply.

I walked towards the door and stood there for a moment. I gulped, staring on the floor. As I yanked the door open, a pop of confetti was heard and it startled me due to the sudden sound. There was a man standing on the other side of the knob, wearing a party hat.

"Happy Birthday, John"

I took my steps in and saw my dad. He's the only one here. the only one who welcomed me home.

He greeted me with conviction and loud atmosphere that he, still in his work uniform, prepared by himself. My head clicked right in and it made everything worse.. right, today is my birthday and I actually forgot.. Although it's already midnight, meaning my birthday has passed.

I was so fed up with all the proposal thing, I forgot my own celebrations.

He greeted me a happy birthday and I never felt like it. The contrary is what my chest withholds.

It's late but at least, among all the people, he remembered. "Well, it's 12 midnight. I know it's late but I still appreciate it. Yet, calling me John made it subside. It's Bryan, Dad." I responded. Calling me John isn't my cup of tea.

"Whatever. John Bryan, it's your name. And.. well, it's still a happy birthday after all."

He hugged me tight as he said those. I felt my dad's embrace and it's everything that I have right now. I was supposed to have dinner with dad and Becca today. It's the first time they could have met. Now, the plan is trashed out.

I remembered everything we've been through together. I've been with my dad since I was a kid, and having him is the safest place I've ever been on. Memories came to me like a filmstrip and I suddenly cried like a seven-year-old boy while hugging him. I can't help it. He knows how much I love Becca and now, I lost her. Imagine growing up without knowing who your mother is, and losing the only woman you love then after. I lost two in a row. What worse could have happen?

"Hey buddy, what's the matter? What's the problem?"

I did not answer. "John? Are you hurt? What happened?" he added in a worried tone.

That question made me vulnerable. Like a trigger warning -- and then, I started bursting in jitters.

"Dad.. me and Becca broke up.. I let her drift away.. I'm the worst.." My voice barely emitted a tone. I am feeling wasted as hell. I buried my head on my dad's shoulders like I never cared to be called a papa's boy.

My mind is hazy of the ennui. I don't remember a vivid thing that I was doing after saying that. All I know is the pain - and that I cried and cried. I felt my dad patting my back continuously, trying to calm me down.

you know that feeling when you have someone who got your back, but then in a minute, you know you fucked everything up and lost them forever. I can't think of a reason why Becca broke up with me. I can't think of any valid reason. All I know is that, this is not a dream. I completely lost her.

Everything sucks - everything hurts. Fuck this day! I just can't explain it. I can't pinpoint where the ache is exactly coming from. I cannot help my chest from hurting. Tears are just flowing and I cannot help myself from this incinerating pain. When my sobbing ebbed like an ocean full of angst, my dad held my head from its back as he sings the lullaby he used to sing to me every night when I was seven.

Rock-a-bye baby

On the tree tops,

When the wind blows

The cradle will rock.

When the bough breaks

The cradle will fall,

And down will come baby

Cradle and all.

That was very nostalgic: the warmth of his embrace. I am the kid he feeds with too much love and care. I remembered so much of my childhood all of a sudden, like a short film playing on my mind. I forgot what I was feeling for a few moments..

He stopped singing and started lifting my head from his shoulders.

"John, listen to me. I know how much you love Rebecca but.. she is not the only girl in the world. you don't have to keep pursuing her for the rest of your life.. Look what happened to me and your mom."

I shuddered as he said those words.

"Not that I'm telling you that both of you will end up like us.. I mean, You will find someone better, someone more worthy of your time. You know, someone who's going to capture your heart and would love you for who you are. You know, they say if it's not mutual, why would you pursue it?"

I held myself back after hearing what he just said.

[ GINA ]

After that customer left, I took a deep breath. That was so close for me to be fired, again. I am now sitting here at our stock room, with all the heavy sighs and restless grunts I could sound out loud. Fuck it. I almost lost it with that VIP customer.

Things are a bit messy for me. I mean, my life and everything that comes before and after it.

I am currently struggling to keep a living of my own. I actually don't know if I disowned my parents or my parents disowned me. It was a total crap and my family was screwed over and over. Drugs, abandonment. Everything.

I am an undergraduate living in a sub-urban apartment. Yeah, I mean it when I said everything about me sucks. Though, before all of this, I was having a nice life. I experienced luxury, before my mother and father got divorced.

It always draws me back to that moment for I know I will never experience it again. The good times before life left us hanging. Broken.

When I was a younger, my father used to work overseas to provide our needs and give us a nice living. I was with my mom alone, left with dad's pension money. My mom was asked to invest the money on a business while my dad's away. He told her to raise me all well but instead of doing so, she started going out with friends, until she was involved with drugs and all the bullshit. I was with her. I saw everything that she's doing with foils and other paraphernalia that she's hiding under her pillows.

That time, I was 13 and I am still not aware what illegal drugs are. I thought that was just.. another thing she and her friends do to have some fun. A lot of fun, actually.

After years of that type of fucked up shit, our lifestyle changed. She even sold our house that I was not aware about it. At all. I was just shocked one day we were moving in somewhere I don't even know.

So then, the news came to my father overseas, until he decided to come home for me. He wanted to take me away from my mother because she was just uncontrollable. Her friends became her world and I became used to this living where not a single parent has to tell me what to do.

So, things escalated until a trial was held - a divorce between my parents.

I wasn't involved too much about both of them. So, as a teenager with my own way of thinking, I decided not to be with anyone's custody. I decided to live by my own.

I was so messed up that time, everything is falling apart. I was going crazy, really. Then the sun met the moon. I met my ex-boyfriend, Jason.

We were together for two years. I was living with him in his apartment and it went pretty well. You know, deep shit. He became my world.

When we were together, I forgot how cruel my past was. He made me feel loved, and cared about. I felt like I was not even lost. We were so happy with each other's company, until one day, Jason vanished. He did not come home to his own apartment and left me completely alone. I searched for him that day, but I didn't find him in any of his friends' house.

I thought, we would stay happy, together, forever. I thought he's the first person to define love for me; then, just as that, a news made me sick to my stomach. I found out, he's doing meth and other sort of drugs. He was staying on his dealer's house in Miami.

I totally lost it; he left. And I had to get out of his apartment for I don't have money to pay rent. I was so depressed, I thought of jumping off a bridge, or cutting my wrists. I have no one to stay the night with. My family and the love of my life both had flew adrift. In a snap, with drugs.

I used to live on the streets. I was homeless. Everything got so fucked up after losing everything. You know that feeling when you thought someone got you amidst the fucked up society and fucked up family relationships you had in the past? that feeling when you thought after a few moments of rain, a rainbow came to give you a brighter look in life?

Sheesh. I was wrong about that. I was wrong about Jason.

When my world is falling apart, I strive to make things up. I did something that I know would help me get back to my life: I started stealing people's belongings at the mall. I know it sounds horrible, but I have no choice. I'm so wrecked up that time and all I have is myself. I needed help, and nobody could have given me that. So I have to stand up on my own feet. I need to build my life together.

I could still remember the first item I stole -- A Cartier wrist watch. It was precious.

That was one of my conscience's struggles but I never regretted doing it. Though, after stealing it, I felt terrible. As I sold it and got money, I knew I need to start a living.

With that money, I rented an apartment, bought basic necessities, and started finding a job. I failed many times and it's been a while since I had a life that I could sustain by myself. So.. this job is important to me. I cannot lose this.

I took my ponytail off and whispered to myself, "Fuck my life."