Strangers in Blue

[ JASON ]

Fancy. A house full of gold, but a broken home. I wasn't looking for everything, anything but love. Rumbling thoughts, midnight scars, I really am happy and contented. This world is my world. Fancy, a house full of gold;

but a broken home.

My phone rings as I was doing my drugs here at my den. I was laying on the floor together with them. Me and my boys are high as fuck! I cannot even dare to touch my phone to see who's calling. But, you know, business is business no matter how illegal and absurd it could be, no matter how high you are. When my phone rings, I know it is another client again. I've been doing this "business" for quite some years now and the news did not lie, drugs are a catapult to a better life! I am living the best of this moment with bags of cocaine surrounding me, and dude, this feels like heaven. Both literally or figuratively!

See, this room is huge. All of us five in here with my boys have separate bed rooms. Our Sala seems like a spare area at first glance with some nice carpet flooring and well ventilated, air-conditioned atmosphere in it.

Who would say this is not nice?

Interrupting my cadence, my phone rang again.

I reached for my cellphone, still lying on the ground, even though my brain is on the happiest place right now. I checked on it and "The Boss" appeared on the screen as I clicked the home button open. Damn. It's been a while since Stefano called for a shot. He probably needs this right now, ASAP.

He's been one of my loyal customers ever since and was always a good payer. After a month of silence, Huh, it's been a while since he had drugs. And now he's here again.

Without further ado, I slid the answer call option and immediately placed it on my right ear.

"Hi. I need this right fucking now. Give me my usual dose. F25B" He sounded really needy, and agitated of something.

"On it, boss. Will be delivered after five minutes."

After that short conversation of his urge, he hung up. I composed myself even though I feel like floating. I'm back on business.

I immediately called for a runner near his place to deliver the drug to him. You know, let's just say that this business has branches. A lot of branches. And one of them is near Stefano's residence. One call and one of my boys can deliver them at anytime.

As we called it a deal, he dropped the call and hung up. My mind feels like just, floating and free of thoughts. This is the life that I've ever wanted, to be full of happiness and of money and power. Ever since I moved here, I cannot stop thinking of one person whom I left without saying a word - Gina. Whenever I'm not on drugs, I think of her. A lot. Leaving her at my apartment was the worst thing that I've ever done.

But, deep inside my heart I know I hurt her so much. I know that this thing.. this illegal medicine surrounding me, made her life miserable as a teenager, referring to her parents. But you know things aren't that well either even if I didn't do this. Living with her will be just a rubbish. I love her. I really do. But sometimes love just ain't enough. There's something that you'll search for no matter how much you thought you are happy. There's still something missing along the way.

I miss her. Everything about her. For two years that I was with her, I never felt sad. I was full and positive. I was at my best shot. I did great. when I was with her I became the better version of myself. Nothing could make me feel that way but her.

I miss her. Everything about her. But it wasn't enough.

You know, I still love her. I can say that even I'm high as fuck. God, this is insane. I cannot forget her. No matter how much I take, I always end up losing my train of thoughts and it always drag me to that moment when I left. She's aching when she woke up the next morning. She was searching for me even after that night. My friends called and asked me where I was. Everyone said the same reason -- Gina was looking for me. I cannot forget how dumb I was.

I miss her. Everything about her. It fucking hurts!

Fancy. A house full of gold, but a broken home. I wasn't looking for everything, anything but love. Rumbling thoughts, midnight scars, I really am happy and contented. This world is my world. Fancy, a house full of gold;

but a broken home.

As I knew my senses are going back to reality, I immediately crawled and took a knife to cut a bag of cocaine open. I took another snort and the heavens welcomed me home again.

***

[ BECCA ]

I opened my eyes and it took me minutes before I ended up getting into my consciousness. I can see a roof, a hospital curtain and a rack that holds it together. I can also see a turned off Television set pinched on the wall. It's still hazy, and my head cannot think straight; all I know is that, I'm still at the hospital.

After a bit of realization about where I currently am, I started wandering my eyes in the room. I looked sideways and there were just flowers and a table in my sight. I feel weak, but kind of a bit stable compared earlier. I still had my mind frozen as a block.

Then I looked at my feet, where my eyes headed through the door. Beside it, there were Gina and Bryan?? Why is he here when I don't even let him in? When I saw him, it started coming through me; what I did to him and everything that I made him feel. I know I did him wrong; that I made him feel like he did something wrong. That moment at The Parfait came to me in an instant and all I felt were a trigger of emotions in unison. I cannot even think of how I would tell him everything that's happening.

I tried to get up after seeing him. It feels like a sudden disgust to myself, a roaring wake up call about how dumb I was about my choices in life.

"Becca, please do not force yourself to stand up. Take some rest, it's not yet good for you to--"

"Why is he here?? huh, Gina? WHY IS BRYAN HERE?"

I interrupted Gina as she came to me, trying to stop me from getting up. He held my shoulders and tried pinning me back to the sleeping position. She looked really puzzled and shocked about my sudden rage. I cannot just let him stand in front of me. You know that feeling when you hurt someone and you feel embarrassed seeing him looking at you, and you feel like they should hate you back? I feel like Bryan should hate me -- that he should not be here looking after me in a hospital bed. He should be somewhere else. Like, a bar, having the best day of his life, finding someone who can replace what I left. He should be with his friends out of town. He should be somewhere else but here. He shouldn't be in a disaster like this!

Gina came inches nearer and murmured, "Look, Becca. He is on our side. He knows what happened and he offers to help in any ways he can. You know that he knows Stefano better than us. He can easily go close to him without him being suspicious. Bryan.. We -- we need him. It's weird I know but--"

"--but I broke up with him, Gina. I-- just.. we can do this. Alone. We can get him to jail on our own. Bryan should be out of this. Look, I made mistakes without Bryan knowing, Gina. Having him out of this is the best thing that I could do to make things right."

Gina sighed a heavy exhale out of her mouth. She crossed her arms and shook her head, still staring at me. This time, her tone became a lot more serious.

"I know you've been feeling too much, Becca. But we're tired of all these. I admit, it's overwhelming and I feel like.. I cannot do more of this. I'm sorry Becca. But, I'm feeling so fed up with you trying to look tough. You cannot deal with this by your own. Admit it. Even I cannot do a thing because I am a rubbish, Becca. I cannot take you any further than this."

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

I felt something odd about whatever she's trying to say.

"Becca.. I'm sorry but I'm tired. And I know you are, too. I know I shouldn't be saying this but.. I'm a total fucked up just as you are. I cannot help you with legal procedures of this.. The attorney, the papers you need.. Everything! Becca, I'm tired. I just - I just need a break.."

I stopped for a moment and started to feel anxious after she said it. It's.. a gut-punch. A sudden jolt in my stomach. I always thought I am too much for her, but hearing the same words came out of her mouth was more surreal. It fucking hurts in a sense I can feel like I'm a sudden scumbag with nowhere to go. I realized in a second that.. Gina is everything I have right now. That when she turn her back against this, I'm doomed.

Anxiety piled up. I'm feeling hopeless and helpless. Without Gina, I cannot do nothing. I looked at her blankly. Feeling empty.

And there, after a moment, I cried. The things I thought I could do without fear coming along my way became a nightmare chasing me. It suddenly felt like an awakening; that no matter how many times you thought you fucked everything up, an answer will always end up telling you - it happened for a reason.