I Watched Myself Bleed

[ GINA ]

I followed Becca all the way through the precinct, trying to find where Bryan was taken by the cops. We had no idea where in this police department was he being pressed right now. This is an actual shift of plans for us. We've never thought things will escalate this quick.

We continued walking in tacit. Nobody's talking; footsteps were heard along the hallways of the police department.

"Bryan, where are you?" I heard Becca spoke to herself as we head straight the hall.

She's uneasy. Not thinking of anything but Bryan.

I don't know how to get things straight for her but I can see that she still cares about and worries about him. Every expression and sympathy she expresses are evidence to support that claim. I can totally say that she still loves him and there's no doubt about that.

That moment when they broke up, I know it was just all impulse, or a sudden click on her brain because sometimes when there are a lot of dilemmas going on like this, things are gonna be puzzled on you.

Becca is just a broken woman right now. Things aren't going on right through her head and that made her think of love less than the situation she's facing.

She still loves Bryan.

You know, she continued talking to herself. I could have said something to her as she meddles with her anxiety, but I kept myself quiet. We have to check things up and I should focus on it rather than making her emotions vulnerable to what's happening. We continued walking without saying a word. Just passing on the hallways and-

Wait.

Is that her?

No way.

Ahead of me was a woman, on her 50's, having a white hair, on a sweater. The sudden hitting on my chest was odd, like a connection that I lost for years has found just now.

We were about to cross paths with each other, like a collision, and my knees started trembling immediately right after I see her. With Becca beside me, knowing she does not know who this woman is, I just felt like I have to walk faster and interrupt the sudden reunion.

She is my mom. I felt it.

There's a sudden confirmation in my core; quite a longing but distress and anger covered everything as she walks nearer: Her face, I hated them; this woman - I hate her!

My emotions overrode, in a juncture, I could feel my hands on a tight grip; a flash full of memories came to me in an instant, when this woman was just.. on the act of ruining everything before my eyes. I feel angry and disoriented; Bryan, we need to come and do something about his false accusation, but this woman in front of me after so many years of leaving everything behind our future, threw my initiative off.

Jacqueline Salazar. Why now? When I got my life together, you showed up for what? to ruin what I built? Fuck.

Seeing her on a precinct like this made me quite relinquish my defenses. I know, at the back of my mind she did something again. Drugs? I know she did. She was caught doing drugs. That's what I'm thinking of. She will never change. Drugs are hard to escape and she will forever be a prisoner of those. I need to act steady, like I don't know her, or that she's just a random stranger that I don't care who.

She's staring at me as we intertwined; I know she could feel it, my blood rushing down her body. Sanguineous bond by surname. It disgusts me, somehow. I am enraged and feeling just as empty as her. I felt a sudden longing for a mother, with hate accompanying it. I'm furious.

"Where could Bryan be. I'm feeling anxious.."

I can hear Becca talking to herself but my consciousness is elsewhere. On that woman who just passed us by. On my mother. I HATE HER! SHE RUINED ME!

I stared blankly ahead of the hallways. Never spoke a word, but my feelings said a lot. It was all within a core, mining from the inside of me. Digging a hole through my heart.

It hurts that these deep-seated emotions are coming to life, again.

"Hey! Gina. I am asking you."

It got me back to my senses as I heard Becca raised her voice a bit. We stopped walking for a second. "Uh.. sorry, asking me what?" I replied without knowing what she's talking about it.

"About Bryan. I was asking if you have any idea where he might be taken."

"Uhh, yeah, yeah." I cleared my throat and gulped, "Hmm.. Interrogation room?" I added.

Becca looked very unconvinced, staring at me. "Right."

I just smiled. She might be sensing I'm not fully present right now. We started walking while I was thinking - my mom, she's alive. But, I'm kind of thankful though. All these time I thought she was dead.

***

[ STEPHANIE ]

As I hopped off the taxi cab, I know this house I'm in front of right now is the exact address where the parcel came from. This building is just a normal brick house. I didn't feel odd upon my first appearance. The ambiance is nice, like a normal city life. Nothing intriguing, really.

I approached the door and started knocking on it.

"Anybody home?"

There weren't any response that I got back so I knocked again, this time, a bit louder. "Hello? Anybody here?"

Nobody answered. It seems like nobody has been here for days and the neighbors are actually silent.

"Excuse me, are you Ms. Stephanie Byrne from South Coast Med?"

A voice talked from my back. In my startle, I turned around and saw a woman, in her 30's, standing a few meters from me. She might be living in this neighborhood since she has a dog that she's having a walk with.

"Uh. Sorry, you startled me." I held to my chest while explaining. "Umh, but yeah I am Stephanie Byrne." I added.

"I knew it was you. I recognized you from a distance, haha. But, what are you doing here?"

I started to fix my posture, trying to appear like everything is no big deal.

"No--nothing. Just, walking and.. trying to feel the breeze. It's good to jog here in your neighborhood."

"That's undeniably true. But, what I mean is, why are you standing in front of Tyler's residence?"

Wait. Tyler;

"Oh. hmm, Tyler's residence. You mean, Rebecca Tyler?"

"Exactly. That's where she lives, are you looking for her?"

I started doubting my feelings for a second. Something seemed off. A doubt rose in my chest as I shook my head.

"No, uh.. nothing. Just want to say hi to her and catch up."

"Oh. She's been out for days. But, don't worry. I'll tell her you came here."

My eyes grew wide in what she said. Now that a caution is rising, I feel like I have to keep things lowkey. Something's off.

"No, Please don't bother telling her. I'll just.. uh.. meet her some other day."

The woman just went straight faced.

"Okay then, Ms. Byrne. I'll get going."

"Yeah, see you around."

There, as she waved her hands goodbye, it took me a moment of deep realization. The parcel came from Ms. Tyler's house and I can't even think of a thing that would explain me that. Why did she send this to me? And How come she have it on her? These pictures. The last time I showed her her own pornographic picture, she went straight-up shocked. But now, it kind of gives me a thought that the picture of other victims - she primordially had it on her.

There's something going on here.

***

[ JASON ]

"How was the mayor's Job of getting you out?" I said as Jacqueline answered her phone. I am now looking through my windows, with a scenic view of the sunset out of hills embossed before my naked eyes.

"It was awesome, Jason. The way the officer's attitude towards me changed, it was hilarious. Though, thanks for bailing me."

"Welcome. That cop was a bit tight huh, imagine, you did your trademark drama and still not able to go pass through."

"Yeah, that was a tough one. But you know, this day had been really stressful yet a blessing in disguise for me."

I etched a confused crease on my forehead. Blessing - what?

"What are you talking about, how come 'blessing in disguise'?"

She cleared her throat before she started to talk, "Jason, you know my daughter right? The one I used to tell you about?"

"Y-yeah, okay what's with her?"

The conversation started to become full of drama to me. There is a reminiscing in her voice that suddenly made me feel uninterested. Right, I forgot she's on her fifties. So, Jac, okay come on.

"Uh. I - I saw her a while ago. At the precinct. I cannot forget how she looks; I'm just you know, happy. I finally saw her after all these time I wasted and -"

"Jac, okay. Hold on. Listen to me. You were disowned by her when you became a drug addict, right? It means she cut ties with you. If your child disowns you, you should disown them back."

She didn't speak for seconds. To be honest I want to turn the call off but I don't want her to feel like I don't care. I really don't care to be honest. But I want to appear sentimental to her.

"Uh. Yeah, yeah. I think Gina should just be a memory to me. Or not a memory at all."

My heart stopped for a while after hearing a name I was familiar of.

Gina;

Her daughter's name made me get back to that Jason that I was before. A boy who left a girl with the same name.

Gina? Wait.

What the fuck!

"Hold on, Jac. Is this Gina, Whe-- Where did see her last? Like, what's your recent memory of her?"

She had struggle with reminiscing, I could sense it. The way she paused thinking on the other line had my emotions growing inside of me. There was an awakening that I unraveled just now and I had an urge to confirm it.

"We saw each other last, on.. on a courtroom. She never chose a custody when asked by the judge. I thought I will never see her again, Jason. But now Gina is just streets away from me. I'm happy to see her even in a short span of time."

I shuddered with that confirmation. My heart skipped a beat, almost trying to get a grip of my phone in shock.

What a small world. This feeling that had been haunting me for years, It never left me. It's funny to see how I and Jac were bonded by the same person. As they say, the world turns round and round, drawing the cards into its palms.

And now, I can see it - we're about to get played.