Chapter IV. Love and Letter

My thoughts about him? I thought he can really read my mind.

"Please don't answer it." He said and looked away. "I can hear your thoughts about me during our first conversation. I never thought that was the first and last time you'd describe me in your mind." He chuckled.

My cheeks heatened in embarassment. But my description about him is true. He is really tall like a sturdy tree. His hair is medium-length and it is as black as charcoal. His skin is likened into a piece of cloudㅡ a soft and delicate one. His eyes are sparkling like they were pairs of lost gemsㅡ enticing me. And if he only exist in my world, I am certain that girls will be crazy about him.

When the dusk comes, we started walking on the seashore with our bare feet. The wind is so cold.

"Listen to what I am about to say, Hina." His tone changed. He sound serious.

I did not say anything and just waited for his next words. We stopped walking and he looked at me directly. His eyes were pitch-black. They don't like they are lost gems anymore. It is scary.

"When you wake up, you will meet your family. I will not tell you what to do because your heart is the one who will decide for you."

"What are youㅡ"

"He is waiting for you. Come to him and talk to him." Samuel. Ever since he died, I never tried to visit him. I did not even go to his funeral three years ago. My heart ached to think that he is still waiting for me.

"Start a new life, Hina. You are no longer trapped in the middle of the dark and deep ocean. You just have to open the door and start a new life. You have family and friends who are waiting for your come back." His eyes showed me nothing but pain. No. I don't know if it's pain.

"A-Are you saying good bye?" My knees trembled at the thought of not seeing him anymore.

"Forget all the dreams you had about me. I am just nothing but a stranger who likes bothering you." That is what I said on my mind before. A stranger who likes bothering me.

"No. I can'tㅡ" he flicked his fingers and everything disappeared. "Wait!"

I woke up in a hospital bed with my family standing around me. They looked worried.

"Oh, God. Thank you!" My Mom wiped her tears and hugged me. Dad hugged me too.

"Don't do that again, Hina!" Clara said as she joined us.

"I'm sorry, Mom, Dad, and Clara. For everything." I can't help but cry. For all the bad things I did to them, locking myself inside my room and did not talk to them for so long, I did not realize that I became a bad daughter.

"Sshh, it's okay, darling." Mom touched my cheek and wiped my tears. "We let you do what you want to do because we know that Samuel's death caused you too much pain. But it's okay. The important is you are with us now." She kissed my forehead and hugged me.

My heart is beating fast. It's because of too much happiness. I never thought that this day would come. I was scared that they will scold me for being a bad girl and I was ashamed of myself for everything I did. To my family and to Samuel.

We talked as a family and cried. I am happy that I am united with them again. And the hospital discharged me in the evening when I told them I was okay and I showed them my wrist. The doctor won't believe it so they insisted of another test and they found out that my flesh has never been cut. I wanted to laugh. Galen's magic healed my wound. Really.

The next morning, I decided to visit Samuel at the memorial park. My heart was pounding when I bought a basket of flowers and went to the memorial park. This is where Samuel was buried, said my Dad. I looked for his tombstone and when I finally found it, my heart ached.

"It's been a long time, Sam." I put the flowers beside the tombstone and sat on the grass. I touched the tombstone with his name on it.

"You said we'd grow old together but why are here?" My heart suddenly ached at the thought of him smiling at me. His voice, his laugh, everythingㅡI missed him.

"I am sorry if I did not go to your funeral three years ago. I was... I was too scared. I was scared to see you." Tears rushed down my cheeks. "And I am so sorry for being a bad friend, Sam. I am really sorry..."

I missed him. He is the best best friend in the whole world and I will never forget him.

"Hina?" A familiar voice called my name. I know that person. I stood up as I wiped my tears. I know it's Aunt Mary. I looked at her and greeted her with a smile. "It is really you, Hina." She smiled and hugged me.

"How have you been? I heard what happened to you. It is really good to see you here. I am sure Sam's happy to see you too." She smiled with teary eyes.

We sat on the grass and talked about Samuel. Aunt Mary and Uncle George decided to stay together because that is what Samuel wanted for his parents. Since he was an only child, Aunt Mary could not accept the fact that his son was gone. But she had to.

We stayed there for a few hours. And when we decided to go home, she handed me a white envelope.

"That is his letter for you. I always have it on my bag." And she said good bye.

I stayed still and looked at the white envelope in my hand. I opened it and there is a piece of paper inside. I took it and opened the letter.

7th day of January, 2017

Hinaya,

If you are reading this letter, I am probably no longer by your side. But before anything else, I want to say sorry for what happened that night. I should not have made you go out at night especially that the weather was not good. Because of me, you are currently lying flat on a hospital bed. Today is your 3rd day in hospital and you still have not awaken.

I woke up earlier with a heavy feeling. I am hurt all over my body. I know you will probably laugh at me because I always say I am strong and nothing can break me. Do you still remember when we were kids? We loved playing at the park and I was always the first one to tripped off the stone and eventually cry. You'd come to me and laugh. When I turned nine, I promised I will never cry easily and be strong to protect you.

You are so special to me that I just want to keep you by my side forever. I did my best to be a good friend to you and I am sorry if I fell in love with you. I can't help it. The more you are close to me, the more I fell in love. I want to love you endlessly but I don't want to ruin the friendship we have built for several years. I distanced myself away from you because I don't want the feeling of wanting you in my life. My parents wanted to separate their own ways but I talked to them and asked them few moments ago to stay together. For me.

The reason why I am writing this letter is because I will undergo a surgery tonight. A surgery for my heart. I have been sick ever since I was born and nobody knows my illness except for my family. I will not ask for your forgiveness for not telling you this because what I did was right. I don't want you to see me as a weak person. I want you to see me as a strong person who will never hurt you.

And I want to protect you.

The doctor said my heart's condition is getting worse because of the accident that night. I want to promise you that I'd come back but I can't guarantee anything. I want to go on a date with you like we used to do. Eat your favorite food, go to our favorite place, and study together. I have a lot of things in mind that I want to do with you.

I promised we'd grow old together, right? But if you are reading this letter, I am sorry, I can't fulfill the promise I made with you.

Be strong, Hina. Don't cry. I will continue to love you and protect you even if I die.

Love,

Samuel

Tears rushed down my cheeks after reading the letter. He wrote it on the day before I woke up. The letter left me speechless and all I want right now is to cry.