Chapter III. Freaking Pleasure

"He loved you. Nobody would risk his life for someone unless he really is smitten with that person." Galen said formally.

I realized that I was crying and I immediately wiped the tears on my cheeks with my fingers.

"He wasn't smitten with me," I corrected him. "He was only sad and confused. He was having a hard time."

He shrugged his shoulders and he picked a flower. A yellow rose.

"Samuel fell in love with you and that confused you: whether you will answer his feelings or you will choose your friendship." The rose he is holding bloomed and the leaves are making their way on his skin. "And you chose friendship over love." My jaw dropped when the rose have dried up. How can he do that?

"What are you talking about?"

"You loved him too, didn't you?" He asked me while looking at the dried rose on his hand.

"I loved him. He was my best friend."

He clenched his fist to turn the dried rose into pieces.

"You loved him in a special way." He stated like he was so sure. "You were just afraid that your friendship will be ruined by your innocence."

Did I? Did I fall in love with Samuel?

"Your fear led you to the decision of choosing your friendship over your true feelings," my eyes would not leave him. I want to hear what he is going to say until this dream ends. "The decision you made was a proof of how innocent and stupid you were. Instead of being honest with yourself, you built a debris inside you which blocked the feelings and thought that you were also in love with him. All your emotions were stucked in your chest and when you lost him, everything you felt turned into guilt and you started blaming yourself for his death."

I couldn't say anything. I won't say anything. I don't want to believe to what he just said but there is a little piece in me... telling me to believe in him.

Perhaps he was right. Everything he said was right but all I know right now is I am confused and I don't want to believe anything. I want peace. I want a quite place to think about this.

"I hate humans for not being honest with theirselves. They will lie, hide the truth, and they will eventually regret for something they did." He coldly said. What surprise me was the emotion he showed to me. I couldn't recognize what his eyes were telling me when his image faded. Until I realized that I just came back to reality.

It's already morning and I could not hear anything outside my room. I soaked myself with the water in the bathtub and closed my eyes. Galen knew everything about me, I know that, but I still tried to open up to him. It was my first time that I get to have a conversation with someone about my pastㅡeven if the conversation did not go well in the end. I never thought this will be the effect on me. I feel like the heavy thing inside me lessen. This feels good, somehow.

The day was over and I can hear my parents talking downstairs about my dad's work. I want to say good bye, at least, and apologize because I know he will leave for work anytime soon. I can't. I don't know how. I am afraid they will scold me for locking myself up for three years.

I slept early and woke up the next morning wondering why I have not dreamed anything. He did not come to visit me. Was it because I wasn't trying to harm myself?

The next day I woke up with the same face: confused. He did not come to visit me again. One more day, two more days, until a week has passed and I still haven't seen him.

What's wrong with him? I hate humans for not being honest with theirselves. They will lie, hide the truth, and they will eventually regret for something they did. That was the last thing I heard from him. The look on his face was cold. I wanted to think that he is upset or sad about something but is it possible for him to feel that way?

I hate this. He is messing up with my head. I am always thinking about him even if I try to forget him. I don't know what's happening and I have to find it out.

I went to my closet and took the knife that I have always hide under my clothes. If he won't show up after this, then he's done with me.

I placed the sharpened knife on my wrist and cut my flesh. My knees trembled in fear when I saw the blood rushed down my skin. And before I knew, everything went black.

"Are you stupid?" I heard a familiar voice echoed in my ear. I slowly opened my eyes and my lips formed into smile when I saw him in front of me. I am laying on his lap and his hand gave my head a gentle caress.

"It's nice to see you again, Galen." I said in a weak tone.

He looked at me for a few seconds before he touched my hand and blew my bleeding wrist. The wound was healed and the blood suddenly faded. My wrist looked normalㅡlike I never cut it. There is no scar.

I rose from his lap and sat beside him.

"How did you do it?" I asked.

"It's a secretㅡ" I jumped to him and hugged him before he could finish his sentence. He seemed surprised of what I did and I pulled myself away from him.

"I was just excited to see you. I... Iㅡ" he pulled me and hugged me. My heart is racing.

"Me too." He said in a calm tone. I could feel how my cheeks heatened. I wanted to push him away but he won't let go of me. "But don't do that again, okay?"

"If you will ignore me once again, I will probably do it again without hesitation." I will really do it.

"Don't be stupid, Hina."

"Depends on what you do."

He finally released me and kissed my forehead which sent shivers down my spine. Why is he being like this to me? I can feel the butterflies inside my stomach.

He look calm and neutral. I want to ask why he did not come to visit me for one week but I have no guts to do so. And I have been thinking about what he said to me about my feelings towards Samuel. Perhaps he was right. I had no idea that I was in love with him because I was afraid that I might ruin our friendship because of my decision. And perhaps my feelings turned into guilt when he died. Samuel is a good friend. He really is, and I am a bad friend. I never became a good friend.

"I am sorry for being gone for a week." He held my hand.

"I know you were busy..."

"I was just trying to clear my mind." He said as he let go of my hand and stood up. I followed him. I feel like there is something bothering him.

"Do you like flowers?"

"Huh?" I like flowers.

"You like them." He stated as he raised his hand and flicked his fingers. To my surprise, I gasped and did not bother to blink. The yellow roses disappeared and different flowers are starting to bloom in the entire field. Gloxinia, daisy, sunflower, tulip, and many more.

"This is so beautiful!" I jumped because of too much excitement. My heart filled with so much joy. "How can you do that?" My fingertip touched the petal of a sunflower and I smelled it. This is so, so beautiful. This is a field of different flowers and I have never seen anything like it.

I picked a daisy and looked up at Galen. He is so tall that I had to tiptoe to reach him. He slowly bend his head for me and I put the daisy behind his ear.

"There." He is so cute.

He flicked his fingers again and I almost dropped my jaw when I realized that we are currently standing in a different place. It is like we are in the real world. It does not look like a dream. There are buildings around us that are surely designed and built by great architects and engineers, people are walking on the street with their elegant style of clothing, and stylish cars is all around. This is Italy!

"Galen, this isㅡwhat?" I was so surprised. He looks like an Italian model with his clothes. I also looked at the clothes I am wearing. "This is really a dream..." I muttered.

"Come here." He put my hand on his arm and we started to walk. We look like a couple right now and I don't want to deny that my heart keeps racing.

From Italy, we went to Switzerland and experience the snow. Then, we went to Greece. Lastly, Hawaii. This is a dream. A very, very long dream. This is the best dream I had in my life.

"I hope this isn't a dream." I want to be with you not just in my dream, Galen. We are now sitting on the seashore while watching the sunset. The waves of the sea are like dancing in my ear. "Thank you. For everything."

"Did you enjoy?"

"Hmm."

"I know you what you like and what you dislike."

"Right," I chuckled. "You can read my mind." It is impossible to think that one person can read another person's mind. WellㅡGalen is not human, right? I am sure he is my guardian angel.

"You said you wanted to watch the sunset in Hawaii." I wrote that in my diary three years ago.

"You really know everything about me."

"I don't." He smiled while looking at the sea. "I thought I know everything about youㅡI wanted to know."

"What do you want to know?" I asked.

He looked at me with those eyes. Enticing and intimidating me at the same time.

"Your thoughts about me."