rona_mae_bautista

How are you? Are you really good? Or do you just say that since that is what you also want to believe?

I too have this struggle within me, an everyday battle that i keep having. Someday i win (or so i thought), and someday i loose.

I have a lot of question and a lot of fear. And I choose to always stay above it, but there will always come a point were you cannot hold anymore and you just cry and wished that everything just stops.

You see, you are not alone. I too, experiences this. 

So be with me and I will lead you to a journey full of struggle and hope.

And When The World Stops

The country started feeling the effect of pandemic when the 3rd month comes in.


The rise of infection started from one digit to 2 digits to three as days go by. An open talk for lockdown is being heard in the news. There is an unclear direction on what is going to happen next.


While I worry, I am also occupied and tied with my job. A frequent meeting is happening while the government is slowly opening the possibility of lockdown by using the term medical quarantine, since the term lockdown will be taken negatively by most of the people.


I am on duty, when the government issued an order to freeze transportation here in Metro Manila and to shut down the borders. I am on 12hrs duty (7am to 7pm shift), imagine my horror when after work I cannot find a single PUV or PUJ to ride going home. I am working in Bulacan and I lived in North Caloocan, that is more than 10kilometers apart.


Plus, a checkpoint or a closed border is already in effect between Metro Manila and Central Luzon. I am actually in tears then, while asking the Police to let me pass the border so I can go home since I heard the news late and the company where I worked did not also stop the operation that day.


You see, the order was released in the afternoon and then took effect hours after. I do not know why our company did not issued or informed us what's happening. As much as I want to blame anyone then, my main concern is how will I get home safely.


Many has been walking, to which I can hear angry comments or murmurs with the sudden decision of the government and why their company like mine, don't have a plan or did not tell them what is happening. I blended in to a group of girls which I thought is safe.


My main thoughts then is, as long as, there are people walking, in which I can blend in, then it is fine. But you know, the physical and emotional stress it brought, is so big that at that time I just wanted to cry.


I am very tired since I worked in a manufacturing company to which I am a production supervisor with 12hours duty, plus the emotional stress the abrupt lockdown it brought me and the physical stress a 10km walked it will bring.


Sometimes, somethings drain you and makes you want to just cry and wish that everything ends and stop. But at the same time, you wished for time to fast track and to for you to just get by and move on safely.


At that moment, you will think that problems are never ending and you start questioning all the why's you can think of.


And so, I walked and walked and walked.


A Long Walked