Grace_Ava

She rests her head on my shoulder, her breath hot against my exposed collarbone, her lips so close to my skin. My arm is around her waist, rubbing small circles on her hip while my other hand smooths her hair. her free hand rests on the bottom of my rib cage, palm grazing my stomach through the thin fabric of my shirt. She begins trailing kisses along my skin. From my shoulder, up my neck, gradually making her way to my ear. I shiver, goosebumps covering my body, unable to remain still beneath the touch. her tongue flicks against my neck, and I let out a small groan at the contact. her lips brush my ear, her hot, heavy breath engulfing it and spreading across my cheek. her hair is now falling in my face. I turn my head towards her and close the distance, my lips meeting hers. It’s soft, slow and careful, but I move my hand up into her hair and she moans against my mouth, giving me the chance to deepen the kiss, and I take it. I beckon her to open her mouth further and she happily oblige, her hands tangled in my hair and roaming my stomach. her fingers graze my ribcage, taunting me. I grip her hip tighter and pull her over me, so she has to adjust her legs. She pulls back, now crouching over me. I start to sit up, but she pushes me back down, pulling at the sleeves of my shirt. I help her slide it over my head, leaving me in my skimpy tank top. She leans towards me, her breath tingling on my skin as she brings her head farther up my torso, until her face is right above mine. I reach my hands up and push at the small of her back, forcing her down and kissing her desperately. This time, I don’t even wait for her to give me a chance. I graze my thumb against her lips, and she understands immediately and does as I ask. her mouth is hot on mine, her lips soft and the kiss rough and needy. She pulls back again, but this time I follow her, pressing my body against hers as we sit up, my lips never leaving hers. This time I break the kiss, leaning down to trace her jaw with my lips. Cutting a line down her neck, trailing her collar bone, as her hands start to wander one slides up my back. My skin tingles at the contact as her fingers wander further and further. her other hand rests briefly on my waist before traveling down the length of my thigh, and settling itself right above my knee. My breath hitches in my throat as she smiles down at me.

I snap my eyes open, forcing myself to clear my head as I take in my ceiling above me. Good. No bugs this time. I drag myself out of bed and pull my lead feet to the bathroom, getting ready to shower. I turn the water on, scorching hot, before I remember that it isn’t good for you - especially with my anxiety - and turn the temperature down to barely warm. I step in and let the warm water cascade over me, splashing across my face and soaking my hair. I close my eyes, and in seconds I see the most beautiful brunette girl in the middle of the road, walking away from me, and a car screeching around a sharp turn towards her. I jump forward, pushing her out of the way as the car slams into me, sending a shudder throughout my entire body.

I shake my head and turn the water colder, attempting to distract myself from thoughts of her. She’s always on my mind, so I know it was a long shot, but I feel like I’m insane; like I’m obsessed with her in some terrible way. She’s one of my best friends! I shouldn’t be thinking about her like this. And yet…

Lemon Grass and Sleep

Immediately, a weight drops in my chest. How could I be so happy when Liz would be alone all year? How could I be so selfish to wish she would be in my group instead of Liz's? How could I be such a terrible person?


Ridden with guilt, I pull out my phone, click on The Closet playlist, and tuck it back in my pocket. Crush comes on, and I roll my eyes at the irony of the universe, but, while I pick up my tools to start another pair of earrings, I begin to sing along, feeling the lyrics as I sing them.


Do you ever think when you're all alone


All that we can be, where this thing can go?


Once the song is over, I pause my music and lay back on my rub, staring at my blank ceiling and thinking. Why does my heart race when I think about her? All logic seems to go out the window when I'm talking to her. I haven't seen her in months and I still think about her constantly. I've written fricking songs and poems about how I feel! I hate it and love it at the same time. It's addictive, but it hurts to not know what to do about it. It hurts to not be able to do anything because she's my friend. And I love her.


But, whoa whoa whoa, wait. I know I love her, like, as a friend. And I know I think about her as more than that, but do I... love her? Like, really love her? Oh my god... WTF!


My eyes are wide, I know it. I've known her for over a year Of course I could love her. Yeah, my heart races, and my mind goes numb, and I can't think rationally around her. And, sure, scientifically love turns off access to your frontal lobe, which means that you wouldn't be able to think rationally, so it would make sense that I would feel that way if I love her, but do I? Is this what love feels like? I've never been in love before... I don't even know that I am now. I feel like I would know for sure though, right? There'd be some strong part of me telling me that I'm in love. Something drawing me towards her... Some way I would know based on the freckles on her face, or the way she pulls her hair up, something I know about her that I would feel strongly about. Like the way she talks so unsure of herself, even when she knows she's right. How much I admire her strength and bravery, and how much she cares for others. How... OMG! Do I? Do I really love her? Oh my god... 


I cover my face with my hands and scrunch up my eyes. How the heck am I supposed to figure this out? I can't even talk to my friends about it! It's not like I can say "Hey, you know our mutual best friend? Well I think I love her..." That would be insane!


Crazy or Falling in Love?