Grace_Ava

She rests her head on my shoulder, her breath hot against my exposed collarbone, her lips so close to my skin. My arm is around her waist, rubbing small circles on her hip while my other hand smooths her hair. her free hand rests on the bottom of my rib cage, palm grazing my stomach through the thin fabric of my shirt. She begins trailing kisses along my skin. From my shoulder, up my neck, gradually making her way to my ear. I shiver, goosebumps covering my body, unable to remain still beneath the touch. her tongue flicks against my neck, and I let out a small groan at the contact. her lips brush my ear, her hot, heavy breath engulfing it and spreading across my cheek. her hair is now falling in my face. I turn my head towards her and close the distance, my lips meeting hers. It’s soft, slow and careful, but I move my hand up into her hair and she moans against my mouth, giving me the chance to deepen the kiss, and I take it. I beckon her to open her mouth further and she happily oblige, her hands tangled in my hair and roaming my stomach. her fingers graze my ribcage, taunting me. I grip her hip tighter and pull her over me, so she has to adjust her legs. She pulls back, now crouching over me. I start to sit up, but she pushes me back down, pulling at the sleeves of my shirt. I help her slide it over my head, leaving me in my skimpy tank top. She leans towards me, her breath tingling on my skin as she brings her head farther up my torso, until her face is right above mine. I reach my hands up and push at the small of her back, forcing her down and kissing her desperately. This time, I don’t even wait for her to give me a chance. I graze my thumb against her lips, and she understands immediately and does as I ask. her mouth is hot on mine, her lips soft and the kiss rough and needy. She pulls back again, but this time I follow her, pressing my body against hers as we sit up, my lips never leaving hers. This time I break the kiss, leaning down to trace her jaw with my lips. Cutting a line down her neck, trailing her collar bone, as her hands start to wander one slides up my back. My skin tingles at the contact as her fingers wander further and further. her other hand rests briefly on my waist before traveling down the length of my thigh, and settling itself right above my knee. My breath hitches in my throat as she smiles down at me.

I snap my eyes open, forcing myself to clear my head as I take in my ceiling above me. Good. No bugs this time. I drag myself out of bed and pull my lead feet to the bathroom, getting ready to shower. I turn the water on, scorching hot, before I remember that it isn’t good for you - especially with my anxiety - and turn the temperature down to barely warm. I step in and let the warm water cascade over me, splashing across my face and soaking my hair. I close my eyes, and in seconds I see the most beautiful brunette girl in the middle of the road, walking away from me, and a car screeching around a sharp turn towards her. I jump forward, pushing her out of the way as the car slams into me, sending a shudder throughout my entire body.

I shake my head and turn the water colder, attempting to distract myself from thoughts of her. She’s always on my mind, so I know it was a long shot, but I feel like I’m insane; like I’m obsessed with her in some terrible way. She’s one of my best friends! I shouldn’t be thinking about her like this. And yet…

Lemon Grass and Sleep

I can't love her! I don't even know what love is, really. Love is supposed to make your palms sweat. It's supposed to make you nauseous and giddy with anticipation. It's supposed to make your head swim with thoughts about them, no matter what you're doing. Homework. Reading. Listening to music, running, writing, exercising, singing, playing, jumping leaping skipping soaring with thoughts of them. And yet, it's supposed to make you feel peace. Contentment when you're with them, and calm having them by your side. 


It's supposed to be strange and foreign, amazing and terrible, making you feel...


My heart races with thoughts of her. She's on my mind every day, and tears spring in my eyes at the thought of her never knowing how I feel. My brain feels as though it powers down when I'm talking to her, and yet I feel relaxed when I'm by her side. How can I love her? She's supposed to be a friend, a confidant, a lifelong sharer of high school antics. She's not supposed to be my crush. My first love. My... maybe girlfriend? No! I can't think about that. The idea she might...


I can't. It hurts too much to think of what could be, to know that my eight month old plan never came to fruition. To know that she may never feel the same way... Or even know how I feel... I can't think about that. It hurts. 


I wipe the tears from my cheeks and push myself up off the ground. I switch songs, landing on Hollaback Girl, and go back to making my earrings.


It hurts too much to dwell on the futures that could be for me and her... for the potential of us.


Love Makes You Nauseous