Chapter 5:

BACK ON BOOTH CAMP ...

IT HAS BEING ONLY 4 WEEKS LONG I NEED ANOTHER 4.5 WEEKS MORE TO GRADUATE ... YUP IT SUCKS....

ALL WE DO IS ... EXERCISE... MARCH.. SCREAM .. CUT OUR HAIR .. GET FITTED ... I HAVE BEING BEHAVING SO WELL ... THAT OUR SERGEANT LET US HAVE A DAY OFF .. WISH IM HAPPY WITH ..

IT IS TIME TO WRITE POEMS AN LETTERS FOR THE FAMILY ....

AFTET THE WORK OUT .. AND CLASS IS OVER .. WISH WE GET TO KNOWN THE HISTORY OF OUR MARINE CORPS..

I GOT BACK TO OUR DORMS... LAYED DOWN ... TO RELAX IN FEW MINUTES..

TAKE A DEEP BREATH .. AND LET IT OUT ... STAND UP GRAB MY COMFY CLEAN CLOTHES ... UNDERWEAR .. SHAMPOO .. CONDITIONER ..

TOOK A NICE SHOWER .. GET MYSELF READY ... PICK UP MY NOTEBOOK... HEAD OUTSIDE ..I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS ALREADY THE AFTERNOON ... THE SUN WAS SETTING DOWN .. ALL I COULD DO WAS .. FIND MYSELF A SPOT IN THE GRASS. PULL OUT MY NOTEBOOK ... AN MY 10 OTHER LETTER SET FOR MY DAD ... EACH LETTER IS SET FOR DIFFERENT AGE ...

I WROTE TO MY FATHER SINCE I WAS 10 .. BUT I KEPT THE LETTERS TO MYSELF SO MOTHER WOULDN'T FIND OUT ...

WHEN I WAS 10 I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP OR I WOULD HAVE THOSE NASTY NIGHTMARES ABOUT MY FATHER BEING KILLED IN FRONT OF ME ....

THEN I HAD THIS OTHER DREAM WHERE HE DIDN'T DIE .. BUT HE SAW ME COME HERE IN THIS VERY OWN BOOTH CAMP .. ON THE END OF THE CEREMONY WE WENT TO GET SOME DRINKS TO CELEBRATE ,.... GOT KILLED DURING THE IMPACT OF A CAR ACCIDENT ...I WAS THE ONE WHO SURVIVE ... HE WAS THE ONE GONE .. HALF BODY OUT AND IN ... JUST HIM AND I BECAUSE MOTHER WAS WORKING ,...

WOW IT WAS A WEIRD DREAM ... BUT NOW I CAN RELAX .. AND HAVE SOME ALONE TIME TO MYSELF ...

I TURN ON MY TAPE RECORDER .. LET PLAY MY SONG I HAD FOR MY FATHER ....

I CLOSE MY EYES... TAKE DEEP BREATHS IN AND LET THEM GO ... AGAIN AND AGAIN .... THAT WHEN I GRAB MY PENCIL.. AND NOTEBOOK START WRITING THE NEXT POETRY ... I WILL LET MY FEELINGS EAT ME ALIVE ...

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGH ONCE I START WRITING LETTER TO MY OWN DEAD FATHER THAT WASN'T PLANNING TO COME BACK FROM THE DEATH TO BE NEXT TO ME ...

WHENEVER I WOULD WRITE MY LETTERS.. I WOULD IMAGINE MY FATHER STANDING NEXT TO ME .,... SITTING MAYBE ... EATING FOOD WITH ME WHENEVER I BROUGHT A SNACK WITH ME ..

I CLOSE MY EYES ONCE AGAIN ALL I COULD HEARD WAS THE SONG FROM THE RECORD TAPE ...

I FELT THE COLD FREEZE TOUCH MY FACE .. GAVE ME THOSE GOOSEBUMPS THAT SOMEONE WAS RUBBING MY BACK TO CALM DOWN .. THAT IT WAS OKAY..

I COULD SEE AND HEARD THE GRASS WHISPERING ... EVERYTHING IS OKAY..

IN MY MIND IT SAID THE OPPOSITE ... AN IT WAS ... YOU NEED TO LEAVE YOU CAN'T HURT YOURSELF..

MY HEART TOLD ME THE OPPOSITE .. IT WILL PUMP INSIDE MY BODY FAST AS I WAS ABOUT TO GET A HEART ATTACK .. BUT I WASN'T BECAUSE I WAS NERVOUS.. TO TELL THIS LETTER WHAT WAS MY THOUGHTS .. WERE ... DEATH..

I OPENED MY OWN GREEN CARAMEL EYES .. LET THE TEARS FALL DOWN ... AROUND MY FACE... THAT I WAS ALREADY SNIFFING AROUND MY OWN BUGURS

I GRABBED THE PENCIL AND A PIECE OF PAPER ... STARTED WITH

DEAR UNKNOWN PERSON WHO I LOVED ONCE..

HELLO YOU SIR.

ARE YOU A MALE .. OR FEMALE..

PLEASE CIRCLE THIS RESPONSE IM GIVING TO YOU ..

JUST KIDDING YOU CAN'T ANSWER OR READ THIS LETTER BECAUSE YOU ARE GONE ....

LET ME START AGAIN..

DEAR FATHER ,

MY HERO .. HOW ARE YOU SIR ...

I MISS YOU SO MUCH

YOU HAVE BEING GONE MOST OF 8 YEARS OF LIFE FATHER..

IN A COUPLES IS GONNA BE 9 YEARS GONE ... I HOPE YOU GOT THE OTHER LETTERS FROM ME SIR ...

SIR ... WHY YOU LEFT ME I ALWAYS ASKED MYSELF THE SAME QUESTION ALL OF MY 8 YEARS OF GROWING UP WITH OUT MY FATHER NEXT TO ME \

A FATHER THAT I NEED IT TO TEACH ME HOW TO PLAY FOOTBALL.. BASKETBALL ... TALK ABOUT GIRL... SEX ... PROTECTION ... TEACH ME HOW TO SHAVE ...

YUP YOU MISSED A LOT OF THINGS ABOUT ME AND MY MOTHER ..

YOU MISS MY HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION....

YOU MISS MY JUNIOR HIGH PROMOTION ...

EVEN THE DAY I SIGN THE CONTRACT TO BE PART OF THE MILITARY LIKE YOU... FATHER I DID EVERYTHING ..

REMEMBER THAT PROMISE WE DID WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY .. I FORGOT THE AGE WHEN IT HAPPEN ..

I KEPT MY PROMISE ... I'M THE MAN OF THIS FAMILY .. I'M THE ONE WHO LISTENS... LET MOTHER CRY WHENEVER SHE REMINDS ABOUT YOU ..

FATHER THE DAY YOU LEFT ... YOU GAVE US THE GREATEST IMPACT IN OUR HEARTS ... BECAUSE THAT DAY YOU LEFT .. MOTHER COULD'T STOP CRYING HER EYES OUT ...

MOTHER WILL CRY FOR 24/7 ...

MOTHER WILL CRY IN HER SLEEP ...

MOTHER WILL DO STUFF THAT REMIND HER ABOUT YOU ..

YOU BROKE HER HEART ... SHE KNEW THAT YOU WILL LAST TOGETHER ....

AS LONG AS THE DEATH SEPARATE YOU GUYS ... IT WASN'T THAT LONG ...

FATHER YOU LEFT ME HERE .. AS A KIDS ... TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE MOTHER STOPPED CRYING ...

FATHER WHILE I WAS GROWING UP .. I DID HORRIBLE THINGS THAT I WON'T FORGET MYSELF ABOUT IT .. THOSE ARE

ALMOST COMMITTING SUICIDE ...

TRY TO OVERDOSE ...

I WAS FUCKING DEPRESS FATHER ALL MY YEARS OF GROWING UP ... I HAD TOT HIDE MY DEPRESSIVE FACE INTO A SMILE AND ACT BRAVE ,...

BECAUSE ... I COULDN'T TAKE IT NO MORE..

I WAS TIRED OF EVERYTHING ALL I COULD THINK WAS .. DEATH .. EATING ME ALIVE .. WITH THE PAIN OF MY HEART ...

DEATH WAS CONSUMING ME ;.. REALLY BAD

MY LIFE ... MY MENTALLY .. MY EMOTIONAL FEELINGS WAS CONSUMING ME REALLY BAD..

THE ONLY THING I COULD DO WAS ... HEARD DEPRESSIVE SONGS ....LET MY FEELINGS BE EATEN AWAY OR EXERCISE

FATHER I MISS YOU ...

I MISS YOU SON OF BITCH OLD MAN ...

I WISH YOU COULD OF HAVE BEING HERE ... TELLING US THAT EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE FINE ....

FINE ... WASN'T JUST A WORD... IT WAS EMPTINESS.

EMPTINESS.. LIKE BLACKNESS.

BLACKNESS... IS LIKE DARKNESS. WITH NOTHING INSIDE ,... EATING YOU INSIDE NONSTOP

PLEASE FATHER ... CAN YOU GIVE ME SIGN ,.,.. TO CONTINUE FIGHT MY WAY UP TO LIFE ...

FATHER IF YOU WERE HERE WITH ME .. I WOULD OF HAVE TOLD YOU HOW I FELT ...

I... CAN TELL YOU THIS BECAUSE MOTHER DOESN'T KNOW ... I DON'T WANT TO WORRIED ...

FATHER ....

YOU ARE DEAD TO ME .. BECAUSE YOU AREN'T HERE WITH ME ...

SINCERELY ..

YOUR ONLY SON ...

I FINISHED WRITING MY FATHER'S LETTER ... AN CRY THE SHIT OUT OF ME ... I STAYED THERE .. UNDER THAT BLOSSOM TREE FOR 4 HOURS LONG ... AN JUST WATCH HOW THE SUNSET SET DOWN AN IT WAS ALREADY NIGHT ...

ONCE IT HIT NIGHT TIME... I HEAD BACK TO MY DORM ... PUT AWAY EVERYTHING .,.. AND JUST SLEEP..

TIME ... DAYS KEEP REPEATING ... WHEN IT CAME THE LAST 4.5 WEEKS ..

IT WAS GRADUATION DAY ... I GOT HONORS ...

I GOT MY FATHER POSITION AS THE RIGHT HAND CAPTAIN ...

MY MOTHER AND GRANDPARENTS.. WERE PROUD OF ME THAT AFTER THE CEREMONY WAS OVER .... WE WENT TO EAT.. AND STAYED HERE IN GEORGIA ,,... BECAUSE IN 3 DAYS I WAS GOING TO LEAVE TO MICHIGAN ... TO START MY EDUCATION ...

ONCE THAT 3 DAYS CAME ... IT WAS TIME TO GO TO GEORGIA ... START MY NEW ADVENTURE .,..

TO BE CONTINUE ...