Reminiscene of a first love

„Hi."Logan greeted Dan onthe phone.

„Hi… Evelyn broke up with me." Danny sniffed. He was obviously trying to hold back tears, but he couldn't stand it.

„Should I come over?" Logan asked immediately.

„Yeah."

„Gimme ten minutes."

Logan looked back at the house once more, where he saw Isaac looking out of the window. The boy turned around without a word and walked over to Danny. They lived near each other. They used to go to school together, before Evelyn. Logan couldn't help but wonder if now they would go together again.

Danny opened the door rubbing his already red eyes. Logan tossed away the hand from his friend's face, trying to stop Danny from hurting the sensitive skin around his blue eyes. He then instinctively put the ingredients together for Danny's favorite cookie. If his friend was in a bad mood, he always did this.

„When did it happen?" He asked, balancing an egg on his palm.

„One… One week… Before the spring break." - Why didn't you tell me?

"I don't know," Danny sniffed.

"And why did you guys break up?"

„Because she found something."

„What?" Logan asked.

„A poem."

„About what?"

„It does not matter." Danny usually was able to talk about his problems for hours. His brevity about the given situation only made Logan even more curious.

„Danny, we've barely talked in the last few weeks. It would be good to know what is going on with each other."

„I don't know too much about you either." The other boy replied angrily.

„Okay. I'll tell you a secret if in return you tell me every single detail about this situation." Danny considered the deal, then nodded. Logan folded his fingers excitedly.

"So… I've been wanting to tell you this for a while, but to be honest, I had no idea how I should do it." He didn't dare look at Danny.

„I think-- So I think that I…" No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't spit it out. He didn't think it would be this hard. Tears welled up in his eyes, he just let them, run down on his face, not daring to move.

„Are you gay?" Danny asked as he took the baking tray out of Logan's frozen hands and put it in the oven. Logan blinked at his friend incomprehensibly.

„Is it that obvious?"

„Well… Yes, for a while now. I thought you knew I knew. You just don't want to talk about it."

„Oh." Logan sighed with relief, then wiped away his tears. „Well then… We got over this too, I guess."

„I love you still, like I always did." Danny smiled reassuringly. „And you know, I missed you so much."

Logan chewed pn those words for a few more seconds. Danny really accepted him. „I missed you too."

They caught each other's look for a moment, but Logan immediately turned away. He didn't tell Danny the whole truth. When he looked at the boy, he felt love. But that was normal, wasn't it? Danny was attractive, and on top of that, the emotional bond between them proved to be unbreakable. Everyone has someone like this, right?

„Why don't you look at me?" Danny asked suddenly.

„No reason."

„Do you think that I'm that stupid?" –

„You don't have to know everything." Logan shrugged. "Anyways, I did my part of the deal. Your turn."

„I want the whole truth. Otherwise, you won't know mine." Danny put his hands on his hips. He looked Logan dead in the eyes stubbornl.

The other boy finally broke under the curious look.

„Do you want to hear the whole truth? Well, alright. The truth is that you confuse me. That, in theory, you are my best friend, yet when I look at you, my throat tightens because… Because you are beautiful. And it's damn annoying, I don't want to look at you like that, but your stupid curly hair, your stupid freckles, your stupid dimple, your stupid mole under your eye, it all makes you look more and more beautiful. I had a bad day. I had bad weeks because I didn't talk to you. Do you know how awful it is to be so dependent? And you know what is even worse? I didn't even dare to admit these things to myself, then in front of you I suddenly become an open book. It's annoying that you can make me weak. It's annoying that you've became so important. Because once you disappear, it would be like…"

„Your parents?" Danny finished the sentence. Logan would have preferred to have run away, but it was too late. The emotions that had been bottling up for many weeks now had all erupted.

„I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

„ Are you in love with me?" Danny was always straight-forward.. He asked what he wanted to know.

„No way! I mean… You look good and you're kind and when I look at you I---'' he couldn't finish the sentence. He sighed, as if he wanted to invalidate the previous sentence, then spoke again.

"Yes" he finally nodded.

He didn't know who did he confess to, Danny, or himself. The two boys stared at each other in silence. Logan remembered when they first met Danny. They were little boys, but Logan had been raised tough by life since he was an infant. When he saw Danny crying in the back of class, he knew what to do. He gave him his snack, drew him his puppy, protected him from the mocking gaze. Since then, they have been inseparable, except for the past few weeks.

As they walked into Danny's room, Logan smiled. The mess that welcomed them was not disturbing, but distinctly felt like home. They sat on the bed facing each other, just looking at each other for a while. „Have you ever kissed someone?"