End of Waiting

I am working as an appraiser sa isang pawnshop and for me the workplace is toxic. Nakaka-pressure sa workload and on pleasing my colleagues to like me. It seems na parang pasan ko ang mundo araw-araw. I had been thinking of resigning pero naisip ko rin, I am doing the right job naman. So heto ako ngayon, mag-isang umuuwi dahil wala namang katrabaho na kasama papuntang sakayan o boyfriend na sumusundo. At dahil may transaction related issues sa branch, I have to leave work super late. But, luckily, I witness this kind of night. Maraming mga bituin at medyo malamig ang hangin, what I expect with the April night nga naman. Ang location ng pawnshop namin ay isang deserted area kapag gabi. This was the place not good for strolling at night, lalo na sa isang babae. Although di naman ako kagandahan. Isang morena ako and I think my only asset is itong mataas kong ilong. I wear braces inside my pale lips. Hindi ako makapal magsuot ng make up. At thankful ako na kahit everyday computers yung nasa harap ko, hindi pa sira yung mga bilugan kung mga mata. And, to think that most of the time I sit in our office counter, my belly is undeniably bulging. So, literally ang boring ko talaga. In short I'm a typical office worker. Marami namang streetlights and I know CCTVs were installed. Besides, what I like is the silence na nai-experience ko while walking. I have already standing in the jeepney loading area for like fifteen minutes na but walang tamang jeepney na puwede kong masakyan patungo sa apartment ko.

May naririnig na akong pagtawa mula sa convenience store across the road. Three men were drinking some beers and talking so loud pero di ko naman maliwanagan. Nakakatakot na. Siguro dahil mga lasing. May phobia kasi ako sa mga lasing. Tumingin na ako sa kaliwa't kanan ko pero wala paring masakyan na jeepney. Puro na lang headlights ng private cars yung nakikita ko and nakakasilaw na. But, I still choose to wait. "Waiting", magandang salita pero nakakapagod pakinggan. Isang nakapaka-hopeful na bagay dahil it may bring surprises but yung naghihintay nganga sometimes. Naratawa ako sa mga iniisip ko.

I see the three men bid each other goodbyes but the other one who's back facing to me naiwan at nakaupo pa rin. I can probably say na siya yung pinakamaraming nainom. For like a short moment hindi siya gumagalaw. Maybe lasing na lasing siya and natutulog na.

I decided to hire a taxi via android app tapus naghintay ulit. However, I caught myself staring at the man's back across the street, "tulog na nga siguro", I whisper to myself. He is wearing a white long sleeve tucked neatly in his black trousers. His head is resting on a table. I bet he doesn't care where he was sleeping. I see the store's security guard came over and slowly tap his shoulder. "Sir?", I imagine the security guard call him thrice to wake him up. Nagising naman yung lalaki at tumayo. He turns around and probably brings his head ache out, he vomits.

"Gosh, he's probably not that drinker and yet bongga pa uminom…"

The security guard soothes his back and goes back inside the store leaving the man in a crouch position standing while still vomiting. Bumalik din naman si manong guard na may dalang styro cup, which I think, tubig. He then assists the man to sit down. The man is already facing my direction. Then, the next moment left my mouth open for what I am seeing. Hindi ako makapaniwala! I am looking at Mat right now. Matthew Lucero is my first crush. He is my first love. I even wrote his name on every page of my diary when I was in high school. I turn my head left and right to see if the taxi I am waiting has arrived. At, hindi pa naman dumadating. I don't think of anything but I find myself crossing the street. All I know now is the urgency to see him.