Scared

Chapter Fourteen

(Nyxtons POV)

I stared hard at the little boy. Though he seemed overly exited to meet me, I was the complete opposite. Flashes of my time in a four walled cell caring for my newborn daughter claimed my mind. It was hard to believe the new male human, Weston if I remembered correctly, had a cub.

I didn't know if I could hide my pain as well, now knowing I would be reminded of my dead daughter everyday if I were around this little cub. I snarled slightly before taking a step back. I didn't want to get close to this boy, Jace, for fear of growing attached then being stung by the same pain if he were to die like my little girl. It would break me. It would break me more than I've ever been before... And I just couldn't handle that now.

River and Weston tracked my movements, though it didn't seem like they thought I intended to attack. I would never harm a child. When I give my word I make damn sure I keep it. I just wanted distance between me and them.

"What's he doing? I believed you when you said he wouldn't harm us with Jace here but that growl didn't sound friendly either River. I need to know if I should be ready or not." Wes whispered, subconsciously clutching his cub closer to his chest.

"He won't try anything. At least I'm 98% sure of it. Maybe. I think."

"98%! What about the other 2%?" Wes grunted with slight anger towards Rivers uncertainty.

"He's unpredictable. I've only had a week or so to get to know him. And that's only when I spent time with him after his rescue. He's been approved mentally unstable by a licensed doctor. He's also a different species than us so there is no telling what he could do. Thus I concluded the other 2% as a likely chance he could attempt something."

"Wow. That makes me feel sooo much better." Wes sarcastically bit out.

"Don't worry. From what I did gather on him is that that growl was one of discomfort. It had nothing to do with aggression or rage. We're safe for now." River soothed to his brother before turning his strong eyes back on me. "Just calm down Nyx. We aren't going to do anything you won't like or want and we won't force you to be near us. We just want to talk. How about back in the cabin where you can get cleaned up and eat something? I'm sure your kitten is in need of comfort from us running about suddenly and scaring him."

I glanced worriedly down at the cub before quickly focusing back on River. Nodding I gave the three humans a wide berth as I moved around them and towards the cabin. I didn't need to fear that they would do something with my back turned. I needed to believe that I could walk around a city or public area without keeping everyone in my sights. It wouldn't be possible. I needed to believe that nothing bad happens at every turn. Or that every human being is a twisted son of a bitch. There would be too many humans walking around to keep track of. So keeping people at my back was something new I needed to learn to live with. That didn't mean I wouldn't or couldn't attack if I felt I was in danger. I was trying to change my life a bit to cope with living in a world with trillions of humans. That didn't mean I trusted them. But I needed to try.

When I heard a gasp I knew that Weston saw the numerous scars painting my back. River had already seen them so Wes was the only one out of him and his cub to understand where they came from. I didn't want anyone staring at them but I had no choice because of the lack of shirts in a forest.

Five minutes later we climbed the porch of the cabin and entered into the living room. I glanced at the three humans standing in my temporary living space. Reaching up to scratch the back of my neck, I wondered what to do now. I needed a shower, clean clothes and food. The atmosphere was awkward and a bit tense. I wasn't comfortable around them or with leaving them here while I went to get cleaned up. On the other hand though, I had no choice. River wanted to talk and I couldn't run away from this like a coward.

'To hell with it.' I internally thought as I ignored them all and turned walking up the stairs to my temporary bed room without a word.

I grabbed a white cotton v-neck t-shirt, a pare of light gray cargo sweatpants, black boxer briefs, and a towel before walking into the bathroom closing the door behind me. I turned the shower on, not caring if it was warm or not, and stepped under its spray. I was ecstatic to finally be able to shower daily with soap and not be rushed by bitchy scientists or guards. Though I could not enjoy or relax, as others do, in the comfort of the running warm water.

Let's just say that I'm completely and utterly AFRAID of water. Yes, you heard me right. Me, the powerful hot tempered man-beast, is actually scared of something. Now, let me just say my fear is warranted. I'm not scared of it because of my feline DNA. No, I'm frightened shitless from the trauma the torture with the water the scientists used left on me. If I had any other option I'd choose to live without water forever. Drinking it is hard enough and manageable. But with taking a bath or shower, I struggle to find enough courage to hop in even for just five seconds.

After finishing up showering, I quickly jumped out and got dressed. I briefly towel dried my hair before deciding to just let the messy black and blond tipped strands lay across my forehead. I didn't have time to blow dry it and style it back into the faux-hawk I usually had it in. My step brothers and the small cub had been left down stairs long enough.

I gave the small kitten a few good pets to calm his racing heart before leaving the room and tensely walking down into the kitchen, passing the three human males seated at the diner table now staring at me. I didn't pay them much attention, though little did they know I followed their every move, as I went to grab a package of raw bacon and a glass of milk out of the fridge. Turning I opened the bag and pulled out a strip before munching away and looking right at the humans to see what they wanted to finish discussing.

"Oh my god. Now I believe you when you told me he ate his food uncooked. That's not healthy. He won't die if he eats it that way will he River? Maybe we should cook it for him in case he doesn't remember how to." Weston worried towards River as he glanced between him and me. I could tell he was completely grossed out like the others had been when they witnessed me eat uncooked food. But his concern for my well being when he didn't even know me was something new I've never experienced.

I didn't care about him, hated him in fact. But he still cared about someone he just met. He cared even when he knew I didn't like him. That made me curious but I couldn't understand his feelings either.

"Cool! Uncle Nyx can I have some bacon too!?" Jace questioned excitedly as he jumped up in his chair.

My hand with the bacon halted just before my mouth. Shivers raked my body head to toe. It was weird hearing the cub call me Uncle Nyx. It was weird being called something I never thought I'd ever have the chance of being called in the first place. It felt right in a way, but still uncomfortable to hear. River and Weston studied my reaction.

My eyes turned from the cub to them and I growled, letting it vibrate throughout my chest. They didn't look away like I'd wanted but they weren't challenging me so I left it for now. It felt like I was being analyzed again. Studied. Like when the scientists had me.

Turning back to the boy, I answered his question with "You have to ask your father, little cub" before continuing to shovel the raw meat into my mouth.

Jace whipped his head in his dad's direction. He didn't even get the chance to utter a word before his dad answered. "Sure. It wouldn't hurt to try just a small piece. Being young means you should try any and everything new. Branch out and go wild son. Just don't tell your mother."

Wes smirked at River who was shaking his head side to side in disbelief. "Don't come running to me when Jace is puking his guts out from salmonella poisoning and Clara's out for your ass. Don't get Nyxton in trouble either. He hasn't even met her."

Weston leaned over to River and whispered, or I'd like to say tried to whisper, "I'm letting him try and get close to Nyxton. I wanna see this teddy bear side you all say he has for kids that he doesn't have with everyone else. Besides, I think it would be nice if they bonded. God knows Nyxton needs it. And Jace... Well he's been having problems at school. So making nice with his new shifter of an uncle would be good for him. For them both."

I didn't comment on how I could hear everything he said or the fact that he shouldn't be nosing himself into my personal life or business. I growled at him when he smiled slightly towards me but turned away from them to focus on the little cub running straight for me.

I jumped and growled loudly when I noticed how close the kid almost was to me. I hadn't expected him to be that near. He was almost close enough that I could bend down and we'd be two feet apart from each other's face.

Weston and River rose to their feet looking a bit shocked. Like they didn't expect me to freak out like that. They didn't move towards me or Jace. They just stayed standing, watching what would happen next.

Jace ignored my growling but slowed as if he understood he scared me. He kept his smile but approached me slower than at first. I took a step back whenever he got too close. This kept going until Weston understood and told Jace to stay back a bit. At that moment, I was very grateful.

I loved children, but at the same time they too were a bit much. They were human. I was not. They were fragile. I wasn't. They could get hurt. I could cause it. Physical conduct was going to be a difficult bump to climb over.

I reached into the bacon bag and pulled out a good strip. Glancing at the cubs dull human teeth, I determined I had to rip it up for him. It was too tough for him to pull apart on his own. So I put the piece in my mouth and ripped it with my fangs before crouching down slightly to hand him the piece. After dropping the piece in his hand I retracted mine as quickly as possible and stepped back.

"With time...he'll get better." River whispered back to Weston after Jace and I's exchange. I knew he was referring to me.

"You know what, I think I'd like to try some too. Can I Nyxton?" Wes said as he watched his son chew the piece I gave him.

I looked down at my bacon, glared right back up into Wes' eyes, then shoved the remaining strip into my mouth with a growl. No way was I sharing my food with the male. The cub, fine. But him? Oh hell no. He can just run his ass to the store and buy some. We may be step brothers but ultimately we were still just strangers who met literally a moment ago.

"Hahahaha! I'd say that's a definite no. No way was he going to share with a human, let alone a male. Nice try brother." River spoke amused as he gripped his stomach from laughing so hard.

Ignoring their banter, I growled my distaste at the way our conversation was dragging. Prolonged discussions were not my strong suit. Besides, I hated standing here with these males, confined in this cabin, having a discussion I didn't even want to have. So being as blunt as I've always been I growled out, "What do you want? Why are you here bothering me in my temporary living space?"

A little harsh? I don't think so one bit. River and Weston quit messing around and became very serious at the tone of my voice. I wasn't in the mood for shooting the breeze and they knew it.

"Right. Me and Weston just wanted to talk over a few things. Firstly, my boss wanted me to bring you to HQ to answer some questions and afterwards they wanted me to show you around the base, meet some of the teams, train a bit possibly. It's whatever you want to see or do. We won't force you of course. Second, we came to check and see how you are and if you're taking your medication like the doc's prescribed." River listed.

"I don't need it." I growled as my fangs elongated.

In truth the medicine messed up my senses in a weird way. The first time I took the medication my sense of smell disappeared. My mind was foggy and my inner cat was totally silent. Too silent to the point it felt unnatural. I guess this is what it felt like for the people confined in a psych ward or a mental hospital.

"You do need it. It helps with any pain, PTSD, anger, depression, fear, or aggression you may be feeling at times. If you won't take it, then Dr. Velveteen is going to come down here and she won't be very happy. Who knows what she'll do. It's possible she's slightly of her rocker." River grimaced as he spoke of the blue smurf. I just snorted.

"Moving on." Wes intervened.

"Anyways, we also came here to take you around town. Jace wanted to come with so since your more comfortable with children you can ask him anything. We just thought the only way to get you to do anything was with the little guy here. Of course we aren't manipulating you in any way. It's still your choice. And lastly, doc Jax and Dr. Velveteen want to give you a check up."

My grip on the counter tightened immensely, causing the counter top made of granite to crumble apart. I growled loud and deep. This time they did hide Jace behind them as they stood ready to fend me off if I attacked.

There was no fucking way they were going to get me any where NEAR the male scientist, let alone the dreaded hell hole of a hospital. If anything I would only let the blue haired female examine me. And that was only when I allowed her. Though human and a form of a scientist, she was the only one I felt remotely comfortable with. Other than little cubs of course.

"NO!" I roared. "If that male scientist so much as even thinks of breathing within thirty feet of me, I'll gladly rip his fucking arms off. And enjoy it."

"Christ man. You weren't kidding when you said he's hot tempered and traumatized. I'd say he's loooong~ past traumatized even." Weston exclaimed as he stared right at me with his eyes enlarged with shock.

Before I could lunge and beat the crap out of them both, Jace spoke halting me in my tracks. "Daddy, why is Uncle Nyx scared?"

I doubled back as if I was struck across the face. Scared? I wasn't scared..... Was I..?

"He's angry son, not scared."

"He looks scared to me though." Jace mumbled. Both males looked back at me.

For the very first time in my life, I looked away. I looked away to escape from their curious piercing eyes. I didn't want to admit it. Didn't want to realize that, yes I was afraid. I was using my rage to cover up how I really felt. I wanted to hide from my fears. There was no hiding from children though..... They always spoke the honest truth.