The Journey Of Samkelisiwe Nzama

You had to forget all the words you used to say to yourself

 I am not sure if I am depressed. I mean am not sad. But am not exactly happy either. I can laugh, joke and, smile. But sometimes when am alone at night I really forget how to feel.

Samkelisiwe you had to learn how to feel this time around and use the words that are strong and fine. learn to chop up each blessing and make it your happiness. Remember your worship is your furnaces. Since time began.

Never let this history repeat itself, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually. close this chapter 

As said in my mother's tongue "sibaxolela bangaxolisanga senzela thina ukuthi siphole". 8 September 2019, that day has to be written in the books of history. No what I mean is September as a whole yet till October. Those were 'Bloody' months for me.

My aim was to start unknown and finish unforgettable. I knew my prayers have no expiration date. I never knew when, where or how god will answer. I knew that I would get there, not immediately but definitely.

Learn to tame your tongue, because it is very important. Know that the tongue as small as it is can do the greatest harm depending.

Well before anything had a soul, I believe there were no flowers than. Well probably I was big then. Daylight is now growing in my journey and the bad year of The Journey of Samkelisiwe Nzama is dead.

I am pretending to be still alive; the sun always looks out and the field blaze with diamonds in my world.

Remember your mother once told you that, not everyone will clap for you. You need to learn to be your own cheerleader. Set goals and work. The world does not owe you anything. Absolutely nothing.

And this let it be the end of you. Let it be the space where you find yourself and restore peace in your life and let Makhosi rest in peace.

I know that you still live around the people that destroyed you mentally and spiritually, but you are now in a safe peace and believe it in all ways you can.

Allow you heart to beat as much as possible, allow your veins to remains green as far as possible. And do not forget to pray for them. I mean I know you asking yourself why do need to pray for them. But in the end, it will pay out in unlimited investment.

Allow yourself to feel the pain if needed. But remember that you are still brave, beautiful, bold, energetic and young. You have been through a lot and you have made it so far that nothing has gotten the best of you. You ran through the deepest streams of water you caried out blood and still had still released sweat as water vapour.

Well indeed you have to know that the heavens belonged to the mighty one and also earth with all that's in it. Well remember the angles said it is finished and blowing their heads gave in spirits.

And there is always always always always always something to be thankful, I mean I have Amahle and Musawekhosi and I believe as much as possible that each breath I take is to make them see the future me. I mean I have always prayed that if my parent might die, it is me and me only Samkelisiwe Nzama that if be a parent to them. I would be both their mother and father. I mean I would be their pillar of strength. I had to keep going also for them. With the lord's glory that am still breathing.

08th September was the month that I was supposed to aspire to create harmony and balance. the month that I had to be true of my words and actions, and not to beat around the bushes and a I did. Yes, I did.

I remember exactly that: As said in my mother's tongue "sibaxolela bangaxolisanga senzela thina ukuthi siphole". 8 September 2019, that day has to be written in the books of history. No what I mean is September as a whole yet till October. Those were 'Bloody' months for me.

I am naturally charming and very much easy to get along with. But know am totally the opposite. Although if somebody tries to mislead me, I will hunt them down like a wolf in an instant.

Samkelisiwe Nzama forget who hurt you, but do not forget those who loved you every day. Forget the past that makes you cry, the journey the mentally disturbed you. Focus on the present that makes you happy. Always give thanks for unknown blessings, already there in the way.

I remember the old men again, I called feel his words right through the core of my soul. He came in my dreams again 

 go to the gate and get a small soil, mix it with three little stones. But why? He said I must pour hot water into these stones and stones. And cover myself with a blanket and say the following:

"I call you my ancestors, am here as your child and am asking you to heal me as I put my life in your hands ".

"Do not test the ancestors 

Do not test the ancestors 

Do not test the ancestors 

Do not test the ancestors"

He said repeatedly with a fading voice.

I even had to remember that ….

The thoughts came and came for a cup of coffee. They came back firing in and out in and out. They came, they came and they reminded me, to last my soul forever.

NUMBER ONE CAME IT DID LAST ME FORVER, I WAS NOT GRATEFUL 

When Makhosi told me about the two women's she never mentioned their names to me, she only described them. Makhosi was supposed to come cleanse my room as she told me that the reason, I don't sleep at night is because of what they've placed in my room. She told me she need to come cleanse it otherwise I wouldn't find peace at all. I mean I used to pray every day but all stood still. Peace was never there at home.

NUMBER TWO CAME, IT GOT THE BEST OF ME 

As the days went by, I prayed every day I slept on the floor in the dining room because I didn't feel comfortable on my own bed. I felt like there would be something that would move my bed like am in a baby cot. I dreamt of rainy nights with tombstone at my yard. I dreamt of sleeping in the ground.

NUMBER THREE CAME, MY HEART NEARLY STOPPED 

Again, I was called by one of the prophets there. The lady mentioned the very same thing about a book of mine that was lost. Yet again I felt like cracking. She told me to stay away from friends. She told me there are people that hate me so much! That they wish to see me involved in car accidents. She told me that there was a trouser of mine that was taken, so that they can prevent me from having any babies in the future.

'O lord, I believe with all my heart in the lord. I believe he died for me and God raised him from the dead.

I believe he is alive today. I confess with my mouth, heart and soul both with my lag and arm that the, lord was my life in The Journey of Samkelisiwe Nzama. Through him and his name I had eternal peace in life. I know I am born again. Thank you, lord, for saving my soul, for saving for being there for me. For serving me a cup tea and for giving me weapons to fight the storms that were held upon me. I am your child and my name is Samkelisiwe Nzama.

It even got to a point where I woke with two dead rats on my bed. The thing would come every night and I would pray "our father". I knew it would disappear with that. BUT this time it didn't work I prayed till I said Amen. It was there I had to create my own prayer. I even fought with it at night. I remember I was kicking it with my two legs.

As they say people come in your life for a reason if not for a reason for a season, if not for a season for a lifetime. My name is Samkelisiwe and   this is just the beginning.

I am not sure if I am depressed. I mean am not sad. But am not exactly happy either. I can laugh, joke and, smile. But sometimes when am alone at night I really forget how to feel.