Chapter 11

I fall to the ground looking at the ceiling seeing it spinning,"Ruffle is the world ending because I feel as if everything is spinning...round and round and round" I tell him in a slur voice and laugh, "who am I kidding, you are asleep already and am busy talking to a dog" I mutter looking at my snoring dog and I take him to my lap, "you know am such an idiot deep down, I thought he had changed for me like in th movies you see the badboy changing for the sweet girl but the problem is that am far from sweet maybe thats why am no different from the other sluts out there thats why he treated me like one" I tell him petting his white coat, "you know I was almost falling for his trap by being in love with him,I know am such an idiot but can you blame me he was treating me like a princess.He used to give me so many gifts when he did a single mistake saying its for the woman of my dreams" I tell him mimicking his voice.

"But I was so damn stupid not listening to Cam when she told me he was just covering his mistakes to come think of it I think everytime he told me he is too busy or he can't come and see me he was fucking that hoe Melinda" I say not even caring that am talking to a dog who doesn't understand me. "You know for him it was all a game but for me I was trying my best to try this relationship being the first I have ever accepted and it turns out its just how I imagined all relationships will be,lack of honesty."

"You know what, I will go back to my old habbits,having sex for fun with the first person who captures your eyes and I will never let a man in my world again never again" I promise myself and fall again to the ground feeling lighthead,I hear my phone ring seeing its Cam and I shut it down throwing it to the wall making it break the glass, now no one will disturb me.I pick up the left over joint being the third that am smoking and I puff out the smoke making small circles learned from the best,my dear brother.

I loss count of what am muttering and fell asleep on the carpet next to my dog.I am being woken up by the blinding light and I squeeze my eyes shut not happy with the amount of light that is being illuminated to me.I groan moving my hands above my eyes, "wake up Kater,its so late" I hear my nana wake me up and I groan again turning away from her side and hit my head hard, "ouch!" I cry rubbing my head, "now see what you have done,your head will have a big bump from your sturbborness" she says helping me to sit up and I wince from the pain and finally opening my eyes trying to adjust from the light,it doesn't look like its morning.

"What wrong Kater? First you come here drunk and then your room stinks of..I don't know even what it is" she says taking the small pieces of the joint, "you know your mother won't be happy if your doing drugs,right?" She questions and I wince from all her scolding,she is not helping with this bad hungover am having, "this things kills young people like you and I don't want to lose you" she says brushing off my hair, "tell me whats wrong dear?" She asks again and I try to think straight from all her talk, "nana your giving me a hard time to cop with this hungover" I whine at her standing up and holding my head, "I will talk to you after my bath okey" I tell her and head to the bathroom.

I need a cold shower it will help with my bad hungover,after am done I wear my old clothes and head downstairs finding Matilda making lunch. "Here. some painkillers sweety" she says handing some tablets and water, "thanks,how was your holiday?" I ask her taking the medicine, "its was fine, my kids were happy to see me even if they are grown men" she explains and I smile a little at her, "and Hawai is it beautiful as always?" I ask her taking the apple juice she has pouerd for me, "sunny has always" she says gracefully and I nod.

Matilda is from Hawai and she has even taught me how dance there styles. "Mmh I missed you" I tell her giving her a hug and she smiles, "I missed you too sweety,am sorry I wasn't here when you went to collage" she apologies and I just shrug her off, "don't sweat its okey" I tell her and she continues cooking whatever she is cooking, "tell me how is it like to leave by yourself,to make new friends,how is studies there?" She questions and I tell her some of the details that have been happening in campus and that I got a job in the best company in NYC.

"Nana am gonner stay here longer,I don't want to go to my apartment yet" I inform her and she looks at me confused, "but why? Did you have a fight with Cammy?" She asks and I roll my eyes, "can't I stay here with my best nana in my life?" I ask innocently, "am your only nanny" she scolds and looks at me for her answer, "okey I just don't want to stay there,I missed here so much" I tell her and she smiles, "what about your classes?" She asks and I shrug, "I will manage its just one more week before the finals and we go for a break" I tell her and she nods. "You better study hard and make me proud just like your brother I can't believe his gratuating soon" ahe says smiling thinking of him,I wish I could finish faster too this three years have been dragging so much,I don't know how I even stayed three years without noticing how Jax was acting "don't go around taking drugs thats not my girl" she continues to lecture me and I nod, "don't worry nana I was not thinking straight" I tell her and she smiles.

********

I make my way to the library ready to have some peace from all the studying I have been doing,its very funny that I just got back from break and I already feel exhausted seeing the people I have been trying to avoid.I haven't gone back to the apartment for four weeks not wanting to see the people that were there when the truth enveloped infront of all of us.I didn't want to face the reality,the truth instead I have been running away from it,by having sex with people I don't even know but having fun with them is the thing I want.

I just want to have fun with people I don't even know and leave them the second he has finished pleasuring me,no sweat,no commitments,no I love you things just raw sex. "Hey Kater" I hear Cam calling me from behind and I just sigh looking behind to find her with her usual sweet smile on her flawless face of hers.

She makes her way to my table and slides to the opposite seat,the last time I saw her is when we were going for the break, "hey Cam how have you been?" I ask going through the book, "am fine but I miss you,you never talk to me like you used too.Aren't we still bestfriends or atleast friends?" She asks sadly and I look at her seeing she's about to cry, "don't say that Cam ofcourse your my bestfriend" I tell and she laughs slightly.

"Which kind of a friendship is this when you just left without a word and never even called me to ask how I am.When I hear the door being knocked I alway run to open it hoping atleast its my bestfriend who has come.This is not fair to me Kater,I wanted to be there for you when you were sad,to lend you my shoulder so you can cry on it,telling you that I will always be there for you-" she is being shushed by the librarian and we give her an apolgetic face, "but you took all my rights as being a good friend to you away" she whispers and I close the book not interested anymore.

"Its not only you that has being suffering Cam,I have always being sleeping with the thought that I was cheated at,that am not worth being loved" I blurt at her ready to stand up, "please don't leave again" she pleads catching my wrist and I sit down not wanting to make her sad, "please just come back" she says looking at me sadly and I let out a sigh, "Cam I have changed,I know you won't see the same" I tell her and she smiles, "I have no problem to that just come back,I miss you" she says and I smile, "you're so persistance,okey I will come back " I tell her and her smile widens.

"Really that would be great,come today right now" she says and I giggle, "okey" I tell her and we get out from the library and she tells what happened over the four weeks.We head to the cafeteria for our lunch before we head to our apartment, "so what have you been doing all this time?" She questions as the lunch lady serves for us, "not much,just staying with Ruffle" I tell her and immediately someone bumps into me making all my food spill on me. "Don't you have some fucking eyes to see where your going" I spat at the person and see that hideous smile on her form on her face.

"Oh am sorry it is just food" she says in her awful little voice and a miniac smirk plasterd on her face, "what about we try it on you too"" I say taking Cam's food from her grasp and throw it right to her caked up face, "aah!" She screams making all the people look at us, "aw don't be mad its just food,right Melinda?" I tell her as she tries to remove the food from her face, "oh you will pay for this" she spits and I tug on my dirty shirt, "I think its fair,no time to take revenge at each other we look like allies now" I continue to taunt her and she laughs.

I look at her as if she's crazy, "we can never be allies especially now that am dating Jax,thats right me and Jax are back together,so your right, there is no need for revenge because I already won" she brags and I look at her blankly, "mmh nice for you am so happy that some weight has been removed from me because gosh I have found a new sweetheart and mmh mmh he is good in bed than your little toy you have.Oh and I never figured out this was competition because I would have prepared" I tell her and if looks can kill she would definetely killed me by now, "okey enough of the chatting I have to go now clean up the mess you have done" I tell her tugging my shirt, "I wish you a healthy relationship with him if he can even maintain it" I taunt her the last time and leave to wash the stain that has already formed by her.

"Kater are you all right?" Cam asks following me to the washroom,I try to remove the food that has remained and fail miserebly, "am fine just a little stain,can't she ever leave me alone, am tired of seeing her face" I mutter angrly wetting my handkerchief with water, "she was just trying to get under your skin just forget what she said" she tells me and I sigh heavily, "is it true that Jax is dating her again?" I ask afraid to hear the truth, "I didn't want upset you thats why I never told you" she says and I look at her waiting for the answer, "yes a week after you brokeup with him" she says and my heart tugs from pain,he just moved on so fast without even trying to win me back.

"Don't cry thats why I never wanted to tell you" she says wiping a tear that escaped my eyes, "who? Me? Am not crying my eyes are just watery" I tell her looking at the mirror and wiping the ones that are trying to escape, "just talk to me I know your hurt" she says forcing me to look at her, "hurt is an understatement because I never noticed that am such an idiot,I never saw flaws in him I used to see he is so perfect but I should have known never to judge a book by its cover" I tell and laugh without any humour laced with it,I look at her and see her sad eyes for me, "nice speechless right, yeah I know my life is pathetic.Lets just go back home I need some space" I tell her pushing past her.

I enter the apartment happy to see it onces again and head straight to my bedroom locking it because Cam is following me, "please Kater lets talk,please" she pleads and I just go straight to my closet, "Cam just leave me alone for tonight only I need some space" I tell her removing the red dress she gave me and put it on as I apply some makeup, "Kater you're not pushing me away again" she states and I swing open the door,she looks at me up and down confused why am wearing like this, "don't come looking for me I will be alright" I tell her twirling my car keys, "where are you going like this?" She asks still looking at how am dressed, "am going to a club and I will be late" I tell her ready to leave, "I will go with you just wait a sec" she says ready to go to her room, "no I will be alright I promise plus I know you hate clubs no need to trouble yourself" I tell and she looks at me sadly, "am going to be fine just need some shots and I will be back" I tell her and she nods, "I will be waiting" she informs me giving me a hug.

I ride to the club that I have been coming since I stayed at my mom's house and lead myself to the bartender, "hey Teddy" I greet him as I slide on the barstool and he turns giving me a large smile, "well if it isn't my most beautiful customer" he says giving me a peck on my cheek, "oh Teddy stop with your jokes and pour me a drink" I tell him smarking his arm and he fakes how hurt he is, "long day?" He asks mixing my drinking and I nod, "the place today is crowded" I tell him and he nods, "well its Friday and tomorrow is a weekend" he tells me and gives me my drink, " I have to attend to the others" he says turning to the other drunkads.

I take my first shot letting it to pass my throat that is burning from the taste,I can't believe he would do such a thing to me.Couldn't he have just have told me he didn't want a serious relationship instead of making this scheme and to top it up he dates the person he cheated on me with.I take more shots that Ted has given me none stop and loss count of them,now this is what paradise feels like. I pick another shot and feel someone slid in the stool next to me and see Ted hurriedly come to his side.What wrong with him? He is never ethusiatic to serve me.

I don't bother to listen to their conversation and just move my finger around the glass, "well I never thought I would see you again here" I hear the niggar next to me speak and I tilt my head to look at him seeing his talking to me,I try to look at his features much better, "Miss Mendes can't you see me well?" I see his lips move again and watch him split into two, "how do you know my name hussy, am not that popular" I tell him my voice getting out slur and I hear him chuckle, "how many drinks did you have?" He asks and I shrug him off, "how many are you?" I ask him trying to catch him to his right and almost fall on my face but he catches me and I feel tingles erupt on my skin from his touch.

What was that? I look at him closely my face only inches from his face and my eyes widen seeing his deep blue eyes,shit its my boss. "Um so...sorry" I stammer and move back to my sit brushing away some of my hair, "what are you apolgying for?" He asks and I restrain myself from looking at him,I didn't know he was back from Canada. "Um for falling I guess" I answer him downing my drink.