Chapter 52

I woke up to a lack of warmth. When I managed to remember who I was and how I had fallen asleep, I noticed Deku wasn't on the couch with me.

"Deku?" I sat up and looked around, but I couldn't see him. "No. I'm not here. Go back to sleep." Dekus voice came from besides the couch, quiet and soundless. I sighed. "You're obviously fucking there. What's going on? Why are you sitting there?" "Leave me alone. I don't want to hear your voice."

I went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Hey, tell me what's going on. Maybe we can fix it." Deku slapped my hand away. "Lay another finger on me and you will lose a hand!" He sounded like a scared fox or something.

Deku buried his head under his arms. His voice was shaky. "Go away. And lock the door." I growled lightly. "Seriously? I don't know what's going on, but if you want to get to me, you'll just pick the damn lock." "Then lock it better!"

He stared up to me with wide, bloodshot eyes and a couple of tears running down his cheeks. "Look, I don't want to kill you just yet, so get your ass away from here before I do something I'll regret!" Something was going absolutely wrong with Deku. I could sense how shaken up he was.

"Are you… having a panic attack or something?" "It doesn't matter. Just get the fuck out!" He was shaking from head to toe, but his voice was more hostile than a fucking gunshot. I turned on the spot, went to my room and locked the door twice. If Deku was like that, my life could seriously be in danger.

He sure was volatile.

I took the key away and stuffed a tissue into the keyhole, hoping that would make it less pickable. Then I dropped onto my bed, asking myself what the hell was even happening. And I gotta admit-

I was so, so fucking scared.

-/-

I can't tell if my body belongs to me.

Even though you're gone… Even though I was the one to want you gone…

Why does it feel wrong? Why can't I- I-

I'm all alone, all alone, all alone in here, all alone forever and ever and ever until the wick burns out and I'm gone aswell.

There's noone screaming for me… Noone I can torture, noone I can lead, noone depending on me in here… There's noone screaming anymore.

YOU WILL SCREAM.

Midoriya pulled his knife out, shook his sleeve up and pushed the blade deep into his skin. All he felt was the uncomfortable tearing of his skin, but no pain. Noone felt pain.

Why are you not screaming? Why aren't you begging me to stop?

Where are you? Where have you taken my feelings? Why am I still half of a whole, although you're gone?

Why isn't this body finally mine?

Give my part back or give me access!

Why would you leave me numb and alone? All I want is to be one! I only want to feel… But not like you. I'm better than you. And you…

Someone will scream.

-/-

I heard steps in front of my door. "Kacchan. Open up." I sat up straight. "Uh, excuse you?! Hell fucking no, I don't have a death wish!" A few moments of silence. Then metal chinking against metal. Deku was trying to pick the lock. I held my breath and internally sent a prayer to every god available.

The chinking stopped. "You're sly, Kacchan." I exhaled heavily. Yeah, apparently I was even slier than I had thought. A sliding noise was audible, then a muffled thud. "You should really open up. If it's not you who gets hurt, someone else will pay for your disobedience."

"I won't, Deku. You told me yourself to lock myself away, and I know better than not to listen to you." My words were quiet and fast. "Then why don't you open up?" Dekus voice was just as flat. I rested my head against the headboard of my bed. "Because you're in a fucking weird state of mind right now. You could do anything to me."

"… You think you got me figured out." "No. I know I don't. That's why I don't trust myself with you right now." It was the truth. Sometimes I thought I knew Deku, but most of the time I just wished I would. "What's even going on with you? You're acting like a psychopathic killer straight out of the fucking book."

A noise sounding like he was tapping his knife against the door came from outside. "My head is a really dark place. And you switched the lights off. Each and every problem I have is most likely your fault. That means I have every right to relieve my psychopathy on you. And right now, I feel like making someone scream."

Deku was noticeably coming down, as indicated by his spiteful voice. Once he could act again, he could probably think again aswell. Although his so-called 'insanity' wasn't much better than his actual madness. I shivered. I had never felt such terror at only the thought of Deku, but who'd blame me?

Rustlings sounds came from my door. "You chose this. I hope you sleep well with the thought of someone hurting because of your selfishness. You should've just given in. Because…" Dekus voice was of an inevitability able to kill every bit of hope and faith.

"…you know Kacchan, some things are meant to be torn apart. To be broken. And you are one of them."