Chapter 51

The next day, there was a murder on the news. They said the victim was Dabi from the League of Freaks. It made me somewhat suspicious. There was some security cam footage of a blurry masked face which they assumed belonged to the killer, but that was all evidence they had. But the face was somewhat familiar to me, although it was barely visible.

I stared at the gas mask-like mask on the screen, trying to figure out how I knew it. That was when Deku came in. "Did you see a ghost, Kacchan?" I slowly shook my head. "Nah. That Dabi guy got murdered in the dirty part of town." He slopped down next to me with a calloused expression. "What a tragedy. Why are you staring holes into the TV?"

I leaned back. "I just… feel like I know that damn mask…" Deku smirked slightly. "You do. It's mine." I sat up straight again. "You killed Dabi?! Patchfaces' brother?!" "Yeah. In my defense, I was high." "YOU WHAT NOW?!" I didn't know why, but the fact that Deku had been high upset me more than the fact that he killed someone.

He chuckled. "Calm down, it's just Mary Jane. Stops all the overthinking, you know? I always get all fuzzy in my head and start doing things I wouldn't do if I was thinking about it twice." I furrowed my eyebrows. "Where'd you even get that shit?!"

Deku stared at the ceiling. "The old idiot used to smoke it with his friends. I found his stash and thought, why not try it? It's totally harmless." I growled. "It's still fucking drugs! And if you kill when you're on a trip, it's everything BUT fucking harmless!"

His voice was snappish when he answered. "Well, from all the things and drugs I've tried, Mary Jane is the least lethal one." All the? ALL THE?! I gritted my teeth. "All fucking right, I want your whole drug story." Deku snorted. "Jeez, why don't I just write my whole memoires down for you? Well, fine."

Deku rested his head in his right hand, then he started speaking. "Hmm… I've tried LSD once, but with a mind like mine, it just had to become a horror trip… Then I've been through all of the provisional stuff like sniffing paint thinner, sleeping pills, pain relievers, mood lifters, but that was hella unsatisfying."

He tapped his fingertips on his knee repeatedly. "I've stayed away from the hard stuff. Mostly because I once ran into a guy ramming a heroin syringe into his balls. Nope, I don't need an addiction. Mary Jane is the shit I do occasionally. Very occasionally." Suddenly, he grinned menacingly. "I'm guessing you've never done drugs?"

I slowly shook my head, not knowing what to await next. Dekus grin widened. "Would you want to?" "Haah?! I can't just-" "I asked if you wanted to." "Deku, it's fucking illegal!" He sighed. "I'll repeat myself. Would you want to?" My eyes shot everywhere, just not to Deku. "I…" I turned my head away from him. "I don't know."

"Close enough to a yes." Deku turned away from me a bit and searched around in the inner pockets of his jacket. I put a hand on his shoulder. "Oi Deku. I shouldn't do that, and neither should you." He snorted. "Go cry me a river. Anyways." Deku turned back, a sloppily made thing somewhat similar to a cigarette, yet completely different between his index- and middle finger.

"Here's the shit."

Next thing I knew, Deku was exhaling a big, white cloud of strange smelling smoke. "Okay Kacchan, do you know how to… well, smoke?" I nodded slowly. Like most stupid middle school boys, I had had a phase where I wanted to try cigarettes. I was somewhat a natural at smoking, but I only tried once. Never again. Felt and tasted like inhaling a fucking street.

Deku held the joint up. "So?" I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. He grinned. "I'm not taking no for an answer anyways." Then Deku stuffed the joint right between my lips and held my nose shut with a wide, vicious smirk. "Inhale." I had no choice, so I did. Felt fucking disgusting.

He took that thing away from me again and chuckled at my disgusted expression. "Wasn't that hard, now was it." I just stuck my tongue out with a scowl.

From then on, I just went along with Deku. It wasn't like I had a choice anyways, and it wouldn't kill me. Eventually, I was pretty okay with it. I watched Deku exhaling another wreath of smoke with a blank mind. Things were fucked up these days, weren't they?

"Tell me again Deku, why are you the way you are? Why knives, enemies and drugs?" My voice was calm, like his expression, but I felt like I was digging too deep again. Deku deigned to answer this time.

"You see… after being told I to die, after running away, getting raped and having a near death experience, something in me just had enough. I had been good, helpful, friendly and hardworking all the time, all I got was disappointment and cruelty. I really asked myself why the hell I had always been such a model citizen."

Deku drew on the joint another time. "I had enough. I wanted to be a little evil. Cause a little trouble to the society that had taught me that all men aren't born equal. I had to make my equality by myself." He handed me the joint and I drew on it aswell.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Will something change if you break the rules? They'll just put more upon you. Shits will always tryna control us. We're young enough to have a future we want to change for the better. We'd fight for it with everything we have. That's a hazard to them. The youth will always be forced to mold into 'model citizens'."

Deku chuckled viciously. "And that's why I preach anarchy. Kill or be killed. The stronger, smarter, less predictable one wins. No laws for anyone. Who's the model citizen now? Who's useless, defenseless, worthless now?!" He laughed again. "Wasn't Mary Jane supposed to make me sleepy or something? This stuff works on me like cocaine's supposed to today."

I flicked my tongue. "Tch. You said it makes you not think so much. Guess the only thing that's in your head when you switch your brain off is 'I want to be a little evil'. Oi, has the sound of rain always been that damn soothing?"

My question made Deku grin at me knowingly. "Kacchan, you're fucking high. EVERYTHING is better when you're high." I grinned back. "Yeah, well, it's fucking awesome. I'm not even annoyed by your cocky ass." I drew on the joint again and handed it back to Deku. Then I stared at the cloudy smoke leaving my lungs.

It was fucking stupid of me to let the shitty nerd drag me into trying drugs, but fuck had I missed out on something had I not agreed. It was like everything that made me rage normally became just a background noise. My tension had just vanished in a 'poof'.

The one prominent thing in my mind right now was how fucking much I loved the idiot next to me. Deku had put the useless remains of the joint out with his first two fingers and was now staring at the ceiling. I rested my hand on his head and ruffled through his fluffy hair a bit. "Oi shitty nerd. I fucking love you."

He glanced at me sideways. "I know. Bad decision, really." I chuckled. "Yeah. But still the fucking best one I've ever made." Then I pulled Deku over onto my lap, clenched my arms around him and nuzzled my chin into the left crook of his neck. He shuddered lightly.

"Jeez, just how high is your body temperature?" I snickered. "Not as high as me, apparently. Also, you're icy fucking cold, so shut up and let me cuddle you. Fucking idiot." Deku dropped his head back against my shoulder. "You're literally scorching me, Mr. Professional asshole." "Then be turned to ashes quietly."

He gave up on fighting me and let me treat him like he was my favorite plushie or something. A while later, I felt my eyes becoming heavy and yawned. Deku laughed at me. "Sour dreams, Kacchan. Then the awakening will be especially sweet." I just hugged him tighter and closed my eyes.

-/-

…

Feeling down is even worse after you've been happy for a while.

I really can't relate to a happy state.