4. Keep Calm and live

I'm SO SORRY if these chapters are intense. That's my writing and reading style. This and the next chapter are intense. if you are sensitive to Depression, PTSD, self harm, murder, gangs, self harm, suicide, ect. Thank you. Plus, mostly Depression Self Harm and PTSD

My back was covered in blood, as I tried to wipe it all off. It kept on bleeding, so I decided to just let the blood pour out of me. Hopefully I would have major blood loss and die, go to heaven and see ma. Tears strolled down my face as I hear pounding on the door.

"Noah?" Darga screamed, "are you okay in their?"

My mouth quivered, "No," I sobbed. Darga somehow picked the bathroom door lock and took one look at me and gasped.

"Oh my god Noah!" She had me on to the floor, forcing me to lay down stomach first. She quickly tried wiping all the blood off.

"I'm fine," I lied. Darga shook her head, the her eyes started to water.

"D-did you fo this t-to yourself?" She cried.

"It feels so nice. It takes my mind off my dad." I shrugged, but still silently crying, hoping this tunnel of darkness I have been in since a couple of weeks ago when one of the Skull Crushers, my best, best friend JJ was killed by that gang would go away. Maybe I would end up like ma. Not being able to take it anymore. I sighed.i suddenly felt nauseous and I crawled toward the toilet and threw up in it. Darga wiped my back then the tears off my face, that got replaced by more tears. She held my face in her hands.

"Noah." She let a sob escape from her. "I can't imagine what you're going through. Cutting yourself, I could tell in your eyes you have PTSD, Depression. Noah, mind if I ask a quick question, do you want to kill yourself?" Darga asked, sincere.

I sobbed. Darga gave me some space as I explained.

"Yes Darga, I do. I can't live like this anymore! It's like walking up stairs, knowing that their is no end. I can't deal with it no more. I wanna throw up! I wanna lock myself in a dark room and never ever come out again, I wanted to bleed to death! You know how many time the SC have stopped me from pulling the trigger straight threw my head? 3 times. Since when? 3 weeks ago! Darga, my best friend died 3 weeks ago. Ever since I've been spiraling in darkness, with my dad trying to kill me, and my mom killing herself in front of me, and JJ getting killed my another gang! I want to die! I want to die! I WANNA KILL MYSELF! I WANT TO BE FRICKEN FREE!" I fell to the floor, sobbing. Darga held me tight to her chest, and I fell asleep. Once I woke up, I was on a bed, my cuts wrapped up, in new clothes, and I smelt good. I sighed as I walked into the kitchen to see my dad. He held a gun and pulled the trigger. The bullet hit me right in the chest where my arms were open in a gesture of 'take me'. Then I blinked and he was gone. I had no bullet in my chest or anything. The mom appeared and pulled out a knife.

"No, no, this isn't real." I fell to the floor. She took out a knife and slit her throat. The blood poured to the ground, then it was gone. No blood. JJ appeared behind me. "NoNo!" He cried and tried to hold my hand . I tu

gged him back, and when I saw the other gang, I ran towards them as the broke JJ's neck. I screamed and they were gone. Then Darga came and Skull came rushing towards her, Skull being my assistant, caught her and shot her right in the chest. I stayed on the ground, hugged my knees, as I squeezed my eyes closed. I pulled out my knife.