t h i r t y - t h r e e : i know what i want

Kara's POV:

The phone's ringing nonstop. After that awkward dinner, I just want to rest. Resting is my number one goal.

Finally, I flip the damn thing over to find out who's keeping me from my beauty sleep.

Shawn.

Ignored.

Then it rings again.

Ugh, I need to answer.

"What the fuck, Shawn?"

"They're fucking here," he says panicked.

"What? Who?"

"The time travelers. You know, the ones who are supposed to be changing the world back. The ones we stole that device from?"

"We?" I ask tiredly.

"Fine, I, but that's besides the point."

"With how loud you're being, I'm guessing they've found out already. How did they even know to come to your house?"

"I don't fucking know," he whisper yells. "They asked if I had something of theirs, and I played dumb. I slammed the door in their faces. I think they're still outside, but I don't know."

"Did you ever write your address down on anything, or give it to Mr. Grayson?"

"Shit."

Bullseye.

"There was this subscription mailing thing for the group, and I may have put my address on it. If they have the records..."

"Then they're probably going house to house, looking for their device," I finish. "Look outside. Are they still there?"

"No. They're gone."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I was just a little startled."

"And you called me to console you. Awww."

"Whatever. See you tomorrow. We have lots to discuss."

~The Next Day~

I pack my bag for this impromptu trip. Underwear, shirts, pants, etc... the basics.

My parents think I'm staying over at Lisa's. Let's keep it that way.

Not like anything crazy is gonna happen. Just plotting a new revolution... light work.

"Mwah," dad plants a kiss on my forehead.

"Dad," I exclaim, "I'm only leaving for a one night sleepover. Relax."

I basically have to pry his arms off me. He can be clingy sometimes.

"Bye, mom," I call.

Time to have the most awkward trip in the middle of the woods, surrounded by wild animals, which I didn't want to go on in the first place. Yay.

As I arrive at his house, he's frantically throwing bags into the car.

Water, food, the tent, duffel bags, you name it.

"Don't you think you're going a little overboard?"

"Better to be more prepared than not at all."

This is more like moving-away-and-never-coming-back prepared, though.

"So we're taking your car."

"Yeah, it's built more for that type of terrain."

"Jeez, are we going to the Appalachian Mountains or a camp grounds nearby?"

"We should get going."

"Wait," I say. He stops packing. "What about your mom?"

"She's at my aunt's house. I told her that I had a school project," he waves it off.

I pack my two bags in the back and hop into the passenger seat.

Taking it upon myself to control the aux, I put on some old Drake: Take Care. Hopefully that lightens his mood. He must be still shaken from those men showing up last night.

Soon, I start to realize that we're on a route that used to be unknown to me. We drove this way on that day he tricked me into missing a meeting.

Are we camping there? That rocky cliff that towers over the city?

I consider asking, but I don't want to bother him. He's probably not too excited that I called off our arrangement. I never thought he'd be particularly disappointed if I didn't want to continue. I mean, he has endless girls to choose from. The frequent use of the sock on his doorknob proves it. I was foolish to think that I could maintain a romantic relationship with him. We were forcing it. Neither of us wants to change for the other.

I don't want to just forget us--our friendship and possible relationship--when the summer ends. So, if there's nothing much to forget, it'll hurt less.

I'm not thinking rationally. I just got out of a breakup and I'm on the rebound. I don't know exactly what I want, but a casual fling isnt it. However, being on the poster for perfect relationships at our school isn't either. My last "perfect" relationship was anything but perfect, I just didn't know it.

"So do you not trust me?" I blurt.

He sighs, "I didn't mean..."

"Answer the question. Do you trust me?"

"Yes, I do. I just know how you and your crew treat people like me. You laugh at us in the hall, push past us in the hallway, you make jokes. It's hard for me to change my opinions, which are based on the facts."

"Well, you didn't have to entertain a friendship or even something more with me if you had these reservations..."

I turn the music up to drown him out. It's not even my car, and I'm getting annoyed with his presence in it.

He turns it back down, "I trust you. I just know what I've seen. I'm working on it, okay?"

"I promise you, I've never even thought about playing you in any way (not recently, or at least not in that way...). I'm trustworthy, I swear. Scout's honor," I put three fingers up.

"Sure, because that's what trustworthy people say."

I frown. "Relax, I'm joking. I trust you 100%. You're a girl scout?"

Hell no. That was just a saying. Context clues, dude. I said I fucking hate bugs.

"Of course not. Have you not been listening? I cannot stand the wild."

"Oh, right. This isn't the wild, by the way. Just a patch of forest outside of town."

"So are we cool?" I ask.

He nods, turning onto that familiar narrow road. Tall trees tower over the Jeep, shielding us from the bright sunlight.

He pulls into the unmarked clearing, which kinda feels like our own place, like we discovered it.

I spot a sign giving directions to the nearest body of water. Ruined it.

He jumps out and removes the tent from the trunk.

"Doing that already?"

"Yeah, it's best to put up the tent while it's still daylight. Or else, we'd be stabbing at the ground in the dark. I cannot handle your freaking out in the dark and trying to think at the same time."

"There you go again, with that we word."

He rolls his eyes and finds an empty spot in the dirt.

At least there's service up here. I can scroll through Insta or Snap... I think that's about it, along with Netflix. I have no friends that I want to speak to... except maybe Andrew. I feel so bad about what happened to him.

"I saw Andrew last night."

He nearly stabs the stake into his hand, "What?"

I nod. "This all makes sense, now. The time travelers, looking for this," he pulls the device out, "were let out at the same time as Andrew and probably more members of the group."

"Yep, Andrew's dad let some friends out, but Andrew said that he couldn't help most people."

"Did you tell him about what we planned to do?"

"No. I thought it'd be dangerous to have more people know."

"Phew. Good. I heard his dad is a hard-ass, probably would have forced him to confess to something."

He continues to put up the tent.

"There weren't that many members of the Anti-New Worlders overall. Soon, they're gonna reach the end of that list and come back around. Who knows what the hell they'd do. We don't know what we've gotten ourselves into."

"Hopefully they'll think the police took their shit," he says nonchalantly.

Yeah, hopefully.

"I just don't want them coming back to your house and raising hell."

"Awww, you care."

"Of course I care if you live or die," I roll my eyes. I know it's more than that, though.

"Voila!" he raises his hands. He finally finished putting the tent up.

"Took you long enough," I chuckle.

"Time to hunt."

Huh? Who's hunting?

The horror on my face says it all. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I brought frozen food for us to heat up in a battery-powered microwave."

Ooh, fancy.

"That's more like it."

"If you want to shower, we'll have to use the waterfall."

"Separately, of course," he quickly adds. "No one comes up here, so it should be private enough."

"We should go swimming in there first."

He crosses his arms. "We came on business."

"We might as well have as much fun as possible on this trip, before we have to return to normal, monotonous life."

"Our lives haven't been normal or monotonous since I saw you at that first meeting."

"That reminds me, what was your first thought after seeing me that night?"

He sits on the edge of the tent floor, "I'm fucked. That was my first thought. I saw you as one of the popular girls who didn't care about anyone but themselves. I thought you were prissy and... all these things that I know you aren't now. I thought I was gonna get shipped to one of those camps, if you told your mom what you saw. I was scared out of my mind that my life was over. So, I tracked you down and talked to you at your job, to see what you were leaning toward."

"Wow, you genuinely hated my guts."

"I hated the ideology of the New World. And you just happened to fully embody the stereotypes of it."

I shrug, "Good point. But you know I'm not ever gonna act that way again. Although I don't think I acted that bad." He crosses his arms.

"I wasn't like Tiana."

"Yeah she was, and is, hell. She didn't even acknowledge me as a person until she saw me as a sex object."

I laugh, "You're one to talk. The only romantic relationships I've heard of you having are sexual. You keep a sock on your doorknob. Your room is like a frat house."

He rolls his eyes, "I just give back what others are dishing out. Girls mostly just want sex, so do I. What's the problem with that? Then when I don't want to, they lose interest."

"I must have been a mystery then."

"Sort of. I can tell you're not fully innocent, but you're pretty hesitant with letting people get close to you, sexually I mean."

"That's me coming out of a horrible relationship, where it turns out, the guy wasn't even interested in me. Where I'd been made to look a fool. I almost had sex with him, but now I feel fucking stupid for even..." I have to push back a tear. I hate that talking about Jack makes me emotional. He doesn't deserve to live in my mind rent free.

"Hey, you're not stupid," he wraps me in a hug. For a guy who doesn't like hugs, he indulges in them a lot. "You just fell prey to emotional attachments."

That's not it.

I look up to him, "It's not just about emotional attachments, it's what you do with them," I wipe the corner of my eye, "It's the fun you can have with a person, the good times. The times when you enjoy each other so much that you're sad because it might end--that's what emotional attachments are for, Shawn. You can't walk around with one outlook on emotions or relationships. Not everyone is going to leave you. The kidnappings in the woods, the fast food runs, the anti-government faction meetings, the witty banter, the makeout sessions, those are what make a good relationship, with positive emotions. You can't keep denying yourself that. That's what I want. I want you to want to be in a relationship with me, without an expiration date, without the fling title."

I've just bared my raw emotions, and I instantly regret it. He's looking down with a solemn expression. Maybe I said too much. I should have kept it in. I talk too damn much, I swear. I just wanted to be vulnerable for once. No wit.

"I'm sorry if I said too much. I just thought that it was time I became fully vulnerable with you because I know what I want. After much debate and convincing myself otherwise, I know what I want, and I think I've known for a while."

He looks into my eyes and says, "Me too."