Delayed Attendance

"Fucking bullshit!" I still didn't reach the deadline, yet I had to go to school. Why the fuck did I have to go to school again? Oh, because it's work, and it's practically the same as having a break. My sister and brother-in-law kept on nagging me to go already and expected me to handle the problem simultaneously. Great, what have I done to myself? I was walking toward the café's counter, about to order a Large Caramel Machiota with two additional shots before realized I said that out loud. I was in a Café called 'Breka,' and that yell made everyone look at me... Fuck, I saw some people who go to my school, and I saw Alexie there, sitting at the corner, pretending she didn't know me. What kind of friend does that? I forgot, Alexie was that type of friend.

Now that I thought about it, rather than this being a shitty Diary, it feels like a story. Hey, Diary, you think I'd find someone there? I doubted it because I think that's bullshit, and with my moto, 'build, build that wall,' that's impossible to break. I knew it sounds cliché, but what I meant was to build my facial and mental attitude – physically, I was magnificent. Impossible to not fall, impossible to not admire, and impossible to not break. Bullshit, right?

Alexie and I drove to our school soon after that embarrassing event. Of course, I steered it because I was afraid of other people driving for me, especially if Alexie was driving. She's a beast; I'd get used to it soon, well, let us hope so.

The part-time and full-time students always had the same class, though part-time comes twice or three times a week while full-time comes five times a week. We pretty much already knew that Alexie was a part-time student. Unfortunately for me, I was a full-time student. We were both majoring in Computer Information for four years. Then, another two years of getting a Master's degree. Lucky for Alexie, she didn't need to party and either head back to her apartment or work while I had to waste my time on parties and either head to my private condo or the library to do tasks and study, pulling an all-nighter.

Hey, Diary, no need to worry about my health, sure I pull an all-nighter and drink coffee twice a day with extra three or four shots, but I stay fit and eat healthy food whenever I had the opportunity! I had a gym in my condo. I got over my traumatic past as well; I didn't miss my parents – their gone.

Even though I used to be religious, I still believed they neither went to heaven nor hell; they were merely asleep - gone like a programmed machine that stopped running. Nightmares were still here, just not them. God, I'm grateful for that.

Putting that aside, wanna know what I wore today? I wore an oversized sweater, tight black jeans, a t-shirt underneath my shirt, brown leather boots, a thin watch on my left, a silver ring on my left middle finger as a reminder of my life. And when I said oversized sweater, I mean medium-sized; my size was small. Wait - no? I would have told you anyway.

God, I how loved over-sized sweaters. I feel free and unrestrained from life. It made me feel secure; it covered all my cuts and bruises! Most of the time, I wore them while working. I was relieved that I could wear them every day now! Well, unless there's a party.

This may be random, but my bust was a little too big; I used a binder or whatever you could call it *inserts a one tear happy face.* Okay, okay, time for me to head to class.

Man, the classroom hall was vast, but the seats were so cramped than space itself. Well, that's one thing to jot down for my company – a private room or spacious area. I had to go to my teacher's office to get the key; the classroom was closed; one hour left before class starts. Mrs. Lynn gave me the keys, and I was in the empty class. Yup, alone. Alexie was flirting with some girl she found in front of the school. Did you know I missed you? After I went inside the class, I opened my laptop and talked to you. Damn, how lonely was I? Five minutes before class starts, people came gushing in the door. They looked at me; I wouldn't say I liked it.

Am I anti-social? You guessed it! Though I didn't mind it, I preferred to be alone. I loved it when I was alone or one-on-one with someone. That rhymed and made me happy. I wouldn't say I don't get lonely. It was better than being stressed and anxious about what the person would think.

People, famous people, I assumed, came walking towards me. Prepared to greet and introduce themselves to me. I wore my porcelain mask, and as much as I'd loved to vent more, I bid you temporary goodbye.

Don't miss me too much when I was gone~.

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I came back from hell! Did you guess what happened?! Oh my fucking god! Did you fucking saw what happened?! I didn't realize that a lot, and I meant a lot, had an undying love for Alexie. That was not the problem here. Cliché as it was, their eternal love for her fell on me. MOTHERFUCK- I mean, fuck! What the horseshitty shit was wrong with people these days?

I was just messing with you. Did you believe me? Of course not! You probably thought I boasting like a crazy bitch or was out of my mind.

What happened was that: when they thought I was dating Alexie (gross), the glare on their face was lovely. After Alexie came to the rescue after two hours of being a dense dunce, introduced me as her best friend, they immediately loved me.

I could still remember the horrifying look on their face. I knew that those people were only getting close to me to get something out of me, which I had no problem dealing with. I planned that – to be that retarded fool to get something out of them. I filled their needs: alcohol, attention, food, and sex. Although I was at it, I asked them questions to serve my needs – I got more than what they could ever get: Fame, Money, and Land (FML). I had to fucking thank Alexie for starting the engine.

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I slept too long this time... I missed you already!

Hey, Diary, become a human already! I couldn't help but sleep in class. My teacher didn't mind it because I wake up when tests happen. She knew my grades, and I was her pet *hint, hint.* My so-called 'friends' and classmates thought I was a retarded fool. That's good. Thank god they did. That way, they wouldn't bother me while I work and educate myself. Sure, they saw me study; they saw me struggling in my studies. Ha! I mentally laughed when they offered their help. I smiled and politely rejected it.

I wasn't even here for a month, yet I already had a new nickname. I was what you called, a cool retarded rich bitch – CRRB (crib) for short, or so I heard from others who were talking behind my back. They thought I was gone or not listening because I was wearing my beats-studio headphone. Well, think again because this headphone could either be my noise-cancelling music performer or my hearing aid! But that was an excellent way to name me. As a matter of fact, I liked it!

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"No, I don't. I hate it. Why are you doing this to yourself? I know for a fact, you are not!" is what Alexie said (or yelled) after I told her what I heard and thought of the name. We were in the Breka café again, and people looked once again.

"I know, but you can't make me hate that nickname." I laughed. It was the truth.

"You and your uncanny preferences has got to go. I mean, really, a cool retarded rich bitch? Really?!" she said. I could tell she was pretending now.

"I know you like it," I replied. Hey, Diary, I'd tell you this, we became friends because we had similar tastes.

"I'm sorry, yeah, just wanna be a good friend. Gosh, I want that nickname too! They keep calling me, darling, honey – whatever icky and cringey name – behind my back." She shivered and made a 'vomiting' sound.

"I'm not your best friend because of your kindness; I'm your best friend because of your acceptance and similar taste."

"Aww," Alexie said as she put her hands on her chest. "That's so sweet – it makes me want to barf even more," she said. I just laughed at her reply. I was glad I had her as my best friend.