Stirring at the heart’s confusion

Yi Ren was worried as he drove quietly to the hospital and Ray sat quietly resting with his eyes closed.

As Ray curled up with his hands on his stomach.

Yi Ren is conscious of Ray's slight change in seating position, he turn as he stopped at the traffic lights.

"How are you feeling?" He asked gently as he put his hands over Ray's gently.

"Don't feel too well." Ray said softly finally. Yi Ren felt felt helpless wishing he could make Ray feel better but he focused on getting Ray to the hospital.

The doctor wrote some prescription and spoke to Ray with Yi Ren in the room.

"Need to rest that stomach of yours...if you don't consume alcohol frequently and you overload it all of sudden, it is not uncommon for you to stumble upon if you have any allergy or alcohol intolerance symptom. While it could be mild for some with flushed face, headache, rapid heart rate, nausea and vomiting. It could be worst for some with allergy including severe stomach upset, hives, bad rash, breathing difficulties, dizziness and at time fatal so you need to know your tolerance level."

"I've given you some prescription to take, you need to rest completely else I'll suggest you stay back so we can monitor and ensure you have sufficient rest."

"No doctor it's okay i can rest at home" Ray said.

On the way home Ray was quiet, while Yi Ren wanted to know what had cause Ray's behaviour yesterday. He thought about it but he let it go.

" I should be dropping you back to your family home...." Yi Ren said after Ray insisted going back to Ray's place not wanting to worry his family.

Yi Ren helped him into the house

"I can manage myself Yi Ren it's okay, just leave me here will do"

"Why don't you wash up and get into bed, I'll cook you some porridge and leave it at the kitchen and then I'll leave"

By the time Yi Ren finished, he went to check on Ray, Ray was sound asleep in his room. He must have been so tired...Yi Ren sat by the bed looking at him and touched his face. He feel so far from him yet he feels so intimate remembering the days they spent overseas.

Yi Ren wanted to just hold him and cure him of what is making Ray unwell. He knew deep inside Ray feel hurt but he kept those feelings buried inside.

Yi Ren felt sorry he did not take the opportunity to explain what had happen and their encounter at Ruo Lan's place fester into a bigger misunderstanding. If was to fester on through time and none of them spoke about it again. Yet, deep inside they miss each other deeply.

Yi Ren sat there watching Ray for sometime and thought through what he had discussed with his dad.

"Yi Ren you need to seize the opportunity to build the network once you are in there."

He look at Ray and whisper  ..."I never used you Ray, I wanted to initially.....but i never did I couldn't ....and my heart could not go through it, instead I fell into my own trap...that I have set my own principals on earlier....I was drawn in by you, just so much feelings for you as I get to know you, just being me in front of you, that  was my U-turn that you didn't get to hear me explain." He took Ray's hand and put it under the blanket and left the room quietly.

He wrote him a note and left it on the table ....Have some food it's in the pot in the kitchen. I'll be back later.

"Keith, Ray is back in his place resting, sorry didn't pick up your phone was on silent mode"

"How is he?" Keith asked

"He is asleep and he had some alcohol intolerance symptom. Why ..what happen yesterday?" Yi Ren asked

There was a long silence before Er Ge replied "He is just going through some rough patch, he will be fine"

"I'll go over later again" Yi Ren said to Er Ge.

"Yi Ren I think it's fine thanks for bringing him home, I think Ray would like to be alone, I'll be over to accompany him"

"Sorry Keith, what do you mean?"

"I meant thanks but give him some space and some time. I'm not sure what happen he had been very quiet ever since he got back from his travel and it's been months now."

"I don't know what happen between you two. His behaviour is upsetting the family and he avoids talking about it...i do see he gets upset every time i talk about you, so ...I'm not sure Yi Ren maybe talk it through when he gets better"

Ray was up on his piano when Er Ge came by that night. "What are you doing still up at this hour?"

"Just finishing this melody that I am composing Er Ge" he said engrossed in what he is doing.

"Drop the work and just rest, why don't you follow me back. Ma wants you back at home until you are well so does grandma"

"Oh no! What did you guys tell everyone?"

"Pa told everyone you look terrible today and overworked, so can you pack along what you need and just follow me back" Er Ge insisted

Ray obeyed and it was such an ordeal when he got back to his family home, everyone treated him like a small sick boy. Grandma has ordered Pa and Er Ge to let Ray off for a week until he fully recovers.

And in that one week....Ray spent a lot of his time thinking while he was sketching and painting alone in the backyard and catching up with his mother.

There was so much to share with his mother, his confused feelings, his concern about their perception, what is the right thing to do, why is he feeling this way but he knew he was expected to be able to deal with all these given the best upbringing and that he was always very clear in his decision making when it comes to career and family matters. Ray held back what he wanted to seek guidance on.

"Ma, don't worry I have recovered" Ray said responding to his mother's advice not to come out to the backyard early in the morning without another layer of clothing given the morning dew and slight wind.

"Why are you up so early, your dad has given you time off?"

"I'm an early bird ma don't you remember? Your son wakes up early usually" Ray smiling now bringing his mother back to old good memories where Ray would be the first to wake up to see the sun rise and wake up the whole house hold including Soong Jie when he was younger.

His mother smiled at that "Zhen, I've been wanting to talk to you but you've been busy. You've been rather quiet to us lately every since you came back from your trip. Is something bothering you? Talk to us if we can help you we will, Ma love you a lot and don't want you to be troubled by things that burden you."

"You know everyone loves you a lot and I was very worried to see you in such a devastating condition few nights ago when Er Ge brought you back drunk. You've always been very filial and diligent, whatever you can't think through talk to us about it"  

"Mmmn Ma, I'm sorry for that." Ray said and didn't offer further conversation. He stopped and look up with teary eyes...."I feel that I've been a bad son causing so much trouble and worries for everyone. I...know you all expect a lot from me, Er Ge and Ta Ge."

Mother took Ray's hand into hers "Zhen, we just want you to be safe and happy....Your grandpa and Pa may have a lot of expectations but Ma only want you all to be safe and happy, remember that...." his mother's comforting words sink into him further.

"Your Ta Ge is getting married next year it's been decided so Ma is happy at least one of you settle down, next I'll worry for your Er Ge and you.

"Ma I'm still young! Well at least you should start meeting some people."

"Er Ge tells me you have a lot of admirers at work and that your stage life seems to be rather popular I'm sure there is ample selection ..... unless someone has already taken my son's heart..." Ray's mum was trying hard to read Ray at this juncture but Ray swiftly avoided it. "Ma I just recovered....Let's not talk about this, I'll be sure to let you know once your son has found someone that he is ready to bring home to show." Ray mention.

Ray spent some time catching up with his mother before heading off back to his home.

Yi Ren offered to fetch him home from his family home although he knew his bothers would object but he wanted to see him after a few days apart.

On the way to Ray's home. Both of them were awfully quiet. Ray didn't know what to say and Yi Ren wanted to ask about that night where Ray was drowned in his drinks. The silent built up gave way when they reach his Ray's place.