Chapter 15: Her Fallen Passion

"A glimpse of joy amidst the face of pretense."

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"It was always because of that accident. I destroyed my best friend's ambitions. His dream of becoming a successful dancer. If I would have been more careful, we would both have been still members of our underground dance crew. I hid the truth from my parents because they have never supported my passion to perform.

I couldn’t hold back the tears of guilt. Ever since I’ve transferred schools, I have tried to maintain a low profile and not reveal my talents entirely. I covered my face with my bare hands, sobbing heavily. How could I unveil my talents if my past still brings me down?

"Still, will I be able to dance just like before? Can I still dance after being surrounded by the sounds of sirens, the remnants of my memories? I knew that I was the cause of the accident."

~2015~

With every day passing by, I’ve noticed little changes in myself. My movements become much more accurate with the given choreography. Each step I take coordinates with the steps I have in mind. I practiced my facial expressions in front of a mirror, smiling when I know that I’ve mastered the emotions of the song projected. I close my eyes and let my body continuously move to the beat of the music.

Dancing made me feel happy every moment. Repeating melodies, colorful expressions, and unexplained nervousness is my source of excitement. This excitement became an addiction.

I had to pretend that the MTAP review has extended its schedule for me to practice with Anthony. It is difficult to pretend in front of my parents. Actually, I didn't pretend; I lied to them. The first time I lied for my happiness. My selfish white lie.

We would practice every afternoon after the review until 5 pm during weekdays and practice the whole day on weekends. Anthony and I "asked permission" from my parents that we'll study together for MTAP, they allowed it.

I saw gradual improvements on every step. It made me satisfied. I've never been this satisfied in my life. Maybe I do have a purpose. I didn't have to live for my parents' dream, I could live for my own. Maybe I deserve to chase my dreams. I want to make people smile with music and enjoy it. The music they'll dance to while singing its familiar lyrics. I want to be a singer and a dancer. It'll remain a vague dream in my mind. A planned future or a desired yet unpredictable dream?

We prepared for the upcoming intermission number for the city's annual festival. We were very certain that we would attain the audience's attention. We mastered our choreography, each of our steps was on point. I hope that we might get discovered and could be offered countless opportunities. I hope that we'll be given more opportunities like this public performance.

I left the house early in the morning and rode on a tricycle. I was surrounded by a smell of smoke, entering the busiest part of the city. I looked at the old buildings and markets and it reminded me of my carefree childhood. I never had to worry about anything before. Yet as I grow, the carefree spirit of a child gradually fades.

I paid the tricycle driver and walked towards the open stage. My eyes immediately landed on Anthony who was busy checking the props and costumes for late. I turned and looked around this venue. It was my first time to perform in such a wide outdoor stadium where local events in our city mostly occur. There were also some eye-catching decorations placed around the stage and a backdrop that says, "Festival of Performing Arts."

We were invited to perform a 5-minute intermission for the event. According to Anthony, this will be the first public performance of the crew. It's a good thing that our mayor watched and enjoyed our dance covers posted on our YouTube channel.

"Anthony!," I shouted out of excitement, "I'm already here!" He looked behind him and our eyes met. I ran towards him with arms wide open with the force of the wind going against my motion.

It felt so surreal. I felt free for the first time. I feel that I could finally soar and spread my wings in this space. What if I just follow in the direction of the wind instead?

"Mia, you looked so excited today. Why did you have to run to me? You might get tired from running, remember we still have to warm up."

I didn't listen to him. I ran faster than ever. I didn't know why I'm this happy, maybe because this is what happiness feels like when it comes from my heart's desire. Is this real? Is this happiness real?

I stopped running after I reached him. "Anthony, I'm really excited. That feeling when you want to perform even though the program will start later. It's my first time, I hope the audience will enjoy and appreciate our performance later."

He smirked. "Well, there's always a first time in everything. This was even my first time to join MTAP, yet you laughed at me just because I brought a calculator and made it fall during the first day of training."

I giggled as I responded, “Oh right, you’re that person who brought a calculator even though it’s prohibited to bring in training.”

He continued, "I wanted to make you realize your potential, since grade 4 I’ve noticed your potential in dancing even though your choreography during that PE dance recital is simple. Joining you in our crew would help you gain confidence and have great supportive friends like us. Sorry, I couldn’t tell you earlier when you formed our group because I was a bit shy to approach you.

“I had potential when I was in grade 4? You still remember our dance recitals?” I asked.

“Of course, would I not recommend you if you didn’t have potential at all?”

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I guess so. Wait, where are the others? Did we arrive too early?"

"No Mia, they might be stuck in traffic. Let’s do some stretching for a while. Then we go over some steps to master our choreography for later."

After a few minutes, more members came and the organizers started to check all of the decorations and props. The whole crew decided to give each other encouragement hoping that this performance will be a successful one.

***

The annual event finally started as the clock struck 6 o'clock. We squeezed ourselves with the singers, dancers, and other dancers in the little space backstage. Most of us were internalizing our dance steps while we're putting simple foundation on the boys and waterproof make-up on the girls. We fixed our costumes and looked at our reflection using our phone’s camera.

We could feel the tension in the air as some were already perspiring. I’m sure that everyone here feels nervous for the reason that we wanted an excellent outcome and our talents to be shared with others.

We were next after the chorale beside us performed. As the chorale entered the stage, the audience roared in excitement. The group felt uneasy. Anthony stood up and glanced at everyone.

"Crew, don’t get too anxious. I’m sure that this performance will be a successful one since we worked on it with our blood, sweat, and tears. Remember to have fun and show everyone what we have in store. Let's do our group cheer."

We formed a circle and put our hands out. "1, 2, 3! SouthEast Sensation!"

We waited for a few minutes more for our turn. We could hear the chorale's voices loud and clear here backstage.

"The blending of voices is beautiful. There were prominent emotions and deep meanings behind their songs. I wished I could sing like them but I’m already happy with the crew that I’m in. I'm deeply grateful for my crew's utmost support and patience.”, I told myself silently.

As they went back from their intermission number, we lined up according to our first positions. We walked onto the stage hesitantly. We stood, waiting for the music to start.

The stage filled itself with upbeat music. The audience screamed in ecstasy while we moved swiftly from one step to another. We had a smooth transition from "Fantastic Baby" to "Desert" and other catchy pop songs 'til the finale.

Everyone applauded as we ended the intermission number. We held hands together and took a deep bow. As I lifted my sight, I saw a pair of familiar eyes full of rage. It was my father's.

We left the stage and changed back into our normal clothes. I pulled back Anthony as soon as I finished changing.

"Anthony, we need to leave now! My father is here and if he sees me, then it's over! He already looked insanely furious at me."

"Oh no! Let’s leave now. I’ll just message our group chat later, they’ll understand."

I grabbed his hand and ran away as soon as possible. My father saw me and I pulled Anthony in the opposite direction while walking faster towards the exit.

We ran towards the exit. It was dark and there weren't any public vehicles anywhere. Heavy rain started pouring. Sweat fell onto his forehead with drops of rainwater dripping from the strands of his brown hair.

Anthony called out the taxi as soon as he saw one. The taxi stopped and we ran across the road. Suddenly, I lost his grip and the slippery ground made me lose my balance. My vision became blurry but he didn't seem to notice.

I tilted my head to the side, a loud beeping sound blasted in my eardrums. I tried to move but I couldn't stand it. Is it the end for me?

As I closed my eyes, I felt a strong push from someone. I opened my eyes and saw Anthony's body lying down with his blood. I couldn't bear to look at him, I looked away and closed my eyes. I wanted this to be just a dream. I wish this wasn't real at all.

The only memory I have left with him was the booming sirens of the ambulance.

***

I opened my eyes and saw both my mother and father in front of me.

"Finally, you’re awake. We have to discuss these urgent matters at this instant. Let me ask you this, what has gotten into your mind to join this petty dance crew? Did you know the consequences you have to deal with now? Because of you, we had to pay an enormous amount for Anthony’s hospital bills and needs! Because of you, he has serious injuries. If these injuries haven’t been treated earlier, then he may not be able to walk at all! Damn, he might not dance anymore because of you. It’s all your fault, Mia! You didn’t even ask for our permission. Now, look at what it has led to.“

I couldn’t answer them back. I couldn’t defend myself from following what I thought I wanted. Only tears were falling and intense guilt was tearing me from within.

"Mia, remember that you passed the high school admission test in the other region? Whether you like it or not, you will have to transfer schools next school year. Leave the dance crew. And do not talk or see Anthony ever again because he will never forgive you for what you’ve done. You are the destruction of his dreams. From now on, all of your messages will be monitored by us. We have lost our trust in you.”

~End of Flashback~