CHAPTER 19

I was pacing back and forth in my office at a speed that would make a stranger question my caffeine intake. Even though Kim already left peacefully, it was extremely troubling to think about my mother's reaction to Jen Blue. Just when I thought I had fixed everything and I would get her off my back I felt like I moved two steps backward. I knew with her around we would not be able to complete the mission because she was constantly keeping track of my schedule. If I missed one family dinner it would make her throw an actual fit. She was the last person we wanted around, at that crucial moment.

The only person who could dissect her brain was Glenn since that is what he specialized in. He looked at me freaking about the situation as he remained completely cool.

"How are you not panicking about the dinner going south?" I asked in a state of extreme stress.

"your mom does not know anything about Miranda's death so it is nothing much to worry ourselves with."

"But she said she does not trust Jen Blue and you know she can't leave until she either trust Jen or we break up. I know hypothetically breaking up would just raise more questions. Plus Jay also knows that I apparently love this woman so what will happen..."

I stopped and looked at him when I noticed that I started rumbling due to my uneasiness.

"Sorry," I said

"it's cool, it's good to let all your emotions out once in a while."

"I have already talked enough so tell me Glenn what went wrong."

"to start with the problem is not even with you dating Jen Blue. I should have thought of it before but I did not catch it quickly."

"what do you mean?"

"your mom despite being very hands-on is extremely kind-hearted and she would never want her son to be unhappy. I thought that she just wanted to meet Jen Blue to understand her and stuff but after what I heard it was more of chasing her away as compared to welcoming her."

"why would she do that."

"I don't have to spell it out to someone as smart as you Cy, she is scared for you to .in her mind your last relationship ended with you burying her. "

"she does not want me to feel like that again."

I never even realized that an issue like that would be a huge cause of worry to my mother who had always seemed to have everything figured out.

"We both know what you have to do," Glenn said calmly

"go talk to her."

"yes and today you are sharp."

"will every conflict that arises be solved by communication?"

"yes but no."

"don't use a meme to answer my question!"

"then don't question the resolution of conflict.communication is always the simplest answer."

"why isn't it fighting that would be cooler."

"you want to fight your mother?"

"okay yeah, I get your point."

"Now go talk to your mom. we all know the stressed-out version of you is always to navigate through."

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Glenn opening up my eyes to the real problem actually helped me to calm down. My mother being protective because she was scared of my heart getting broken again was actually the most obvious reason why she was acting more extra than usual. It also made me feel a little bit guilty that I made her feel that way or was I just oblivious of the situation.

Reaching home I knew I had a lot to get off my chest.As we sat at the dinner table there was an awkward silence between us which was entirely my fault. I did not know how to react to my mother having feelings that were not aggressive. No offense to the beautiful woman who dedicated a huge part of her life to raising my sister and me, but most of it was dominated by pure fear.I knew even Kim never saw my mother broken down. I remember vividly the day that she told us that our dad would be leaving there was no hint of sadness in her eyes.

"did anyone tell you that staring is rude." she said breaking my train of thought.

i must have escaped into my own world and never even noticed that i had stop talking and i was just looking at her.

"oh sorry."

"is everything okay?"she asked looking at me.

"yes."

"your lying."

"how do you know?"

"because i know my son well now tell me what is going on in that complicated brain of yours."

Her eyes looked at me piercingly trying to get into my head and remove all my thoughts and lay them all out on the table.

"I was just thinking about the dinner we had the other night."

"oh with that young lady I thought we went over this, I do not think she has good intentions."

"No about that, well you know it is okay to be scared."

"what?"

"Well thinking about it I just thought that you do not really have a problem with Jen but with the concept of me being in another relationship."

she looked at me silently and stood. she took the dirty dishes to the kitchen and started washing them without saying a word. I thought that I was the one who had issues with communicating my emotions to others but my mother was some next level shit.I stood up and went to help her with the dishes. we washed them silently together. I thought Glenn said communication solved everything maybe he also meant non-verbal communication.

my mother always held a shield that hid her emotions, i did not expect her to put that shield down even if it was an important time in my life.as i was wiping down the last plate she finally spoke.

"when you were born you always had extremely expressive eyes. Your father said that it was one of your best feature. when you were happy you managed to transmit that enrgy to everyone even to Kim. it was your superpower even when you were a quiet boy. But this trait went both ways, when your sad it would transmit that energy to others.what i am trying to say is that..."she said with a hint of sadness un her words.

"I know what you want to say and i know that it must have affected you also but I have managed to move on from what happened. If i do not take such risks like opening my heart to someone else how will i ever grow as a person? I know it is still uneasy but i know things will just workout and i want you to believe that to."

she looked at me and smiled and grabbed me in a tight hug that would easily suffocate me.

"I see my baby grow up."

"yeah and you are suffocating me."

she laughed at me still holding me tightly.

"so ......."

"you want me to give you some personal space?"

"yeah."

"okay now that i know I raised a man i can do that."

"can you stop slowly killing me then."i said in the hug

"shhhhh your ruining the moment."