Chapter 19

When I woke up the next day it hit me all over but instead of feeling broken or even sad, I just felt numb. Even though I just woke up I really don't have the energy to be awake. I stay in bed and just stare at the ceiling for what feels like an hour before my door opens and Louis walks in.

"Hey how are you doing sweetheart?" Louis asked

I could barely hear and I definitely did not have enough energy to respond, I just stared at him saying absolutely nothing.

"Would you like anything? Tea? Some food maybe?"

I said nothing.

"Sweetheart, you have to talk to me," he exclaimed.

I rolled over, my face shoved in my pillow.

"Haze, I know what you are going through. I know it hurts, but you need to talk to someone. I understand that you don't want to and you don't have to at this moment but at some point you will need to," he says before leaving my room without another word.

I didn't move. I just laid face down in my pillow, only moving when I needed air other wise I would pass out.

I never left my bed that day, I refused to drink or eat anything. Harry and Louis came in every once in a while to make sure I was still alive. I never spoke, I never cried, I just laid there emotionless.

This continued for a week, they did make me eat and drink, but I never talked, or cried. After a few days they made me shower, I turned the water as hot as it got, so at least I could feel something even it was physical pain. Rose came and visited but I just ignored her like I did everyone else.

It's been a week since my mom died, today is her funeral. After the funeral I have to chose who I want to live with, Louis and Harry or my grandparents (mom's parents).

I am wearing a loose black dress and some black heels, it is a funeral after all. All I could think while I was getting ready was: why does it say "fun" in "funeral". It's not fun in the slightest to put someone you loved seven feet under ground.

I walked downstairs to find all five of the one direction boys in suits waiting for me. The all sat there and just stared, "well are we going or what?" I asked in a emotionless, monotone voice.

They all continue to stare just looking more worried by the second, until Harry jumped up and said, "uh, yeah. We should go".

I cried and everything during the funeral but they weren't real tears. Everyone was already all over me making sure I was ok if I didn't show emotion it would have been ten times worse.

We got to the funeral, people said some words, I fake cried, I said some meaningless shit that people cried at, we left.

When we got back to Harry and Louis' house the rest of the boys left before my grandparents showed up. When they did we sat down to have dinner and discuss my future, I guess.

"Hazel where do you want to go?" My grandma asked. I could tell she wanted me to come with her, she really doesn't trust the boys. She doesn't like that they "came out nowhere", which they kinda did. My grandparents always refused to call me Haze, they probably think it has something to do with drugs, I mean it kinda does. I was known around school for smoking a lot but I got the nickname before I started smoking cigs so...

"Well I have thought a lot about this and I think I should live in Pismo with my grandparents, because Harry and Louis travel a lot and are very busy. I just don't want to ruin there careers," I say in a monotone voice. I look at both parties, my grandparents look very happy and Harry and Louis look almost broken.

We finished eating in silence. After my plate was clean I headed upstairs to pack the clothes that were here. Most of my thing are at my mom's old place so this won't take to long.

Harry and Louis came into my room, "why?" Harry asked.

"Look this last year has been great and it was really cool getting to know you guys, I mean you were my idols but I think it's time for us to part ways. You have your careers you need to think about and if anyone found out about me and who I am it would ruin both our lives. I think this whole situation was a sign that it's time for this dads daughter relationship to end," I tell them, while I continue to pack. They both look so hurt but in all honesty I don't care. I haven't felt anything in a week and I don't plan on feeling anything any time soon.

"If that's what you really want?" Louis asks

I nod.

"Fine," he says storming out with a teary eyed Harry following him.

After all my stuff was in my bag, I headed downstairs to the living room where everyone was waiting for me. "Ready sweetie?" My grandpa called with a smile.

"Yep," I say in a fake cheery voice. I have been faking so many emotions today that if I could feel anything I would be scared.

Without another word to either Harry or Louis I left the mansion and got into the car. "We have to pack up your old house, so we will be staying there until that is done but after that we will head home." My grandma said when she closed the door to the car. I looked back up to the house to see Harry crying in Louis' shoulder and Louis looking very sad but like I said earlier I really don't care.

"Sounds good," I say my voice sounding the same as it has for the past week, monotone and emotionless.I

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Rose came by the following day. "Hey," she said walking into my almost empty room.

I nod.

"So your still not showing any emotion," she states.

" I can't show emotion if I don't have any, " I inform.

"Haze, you need to feel," she orders.

"If I let myself feel anything I won't be able to survive this. She was my mom and my best friend, she was all I had and now I have nothing," I scream.

"You have me and the boys," she fights.

"No, I dont. I am moving to Pismo with my grandparents, I cut ties with the boys and we will eventually loose contact, might as well just stop talking now," I tell her.

"Fine, you want to push the boys and I away that's fine, but know we will always be there for you no matter how hard you push". She starts to walk out but before she is out of sight she turns back and says, "call me when my best friend is back", then storms out.