The New Experience

The New Experience

Realistic23 Chapters30.1K Views
Author: Dion_Pinkney
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Raymond "Ray" Anderson does not like his parents. He thinks they are out to ruin him by making him do things that they feel will give him a new outlook on life. But all their plans has just caused Ray to be miserable. Now his parents' new adventure is The New Experience; a program bringing a girl from Japan into his already crazy world. But with the girl comes new emotions and feelings Ray never expected to have. Will this new experience be a blessing or just another inconvenience in Ray's life?

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Daoista3dF6T
Daoista3dF6T

Overall the story is a cute idea following this highschooler through the akwardness and tribulations of being a teenager. There are several places in the story where things could be fleshed out better however, especially the characters. The only relationship we see fleshed out here is between Dashuan and Ray, and even there we still get too much uneccesary fluff that tells us very little about the characters. Jesicca also starts as a manic pixie dream girl, and isn't given much character development. We still see her as this unrealistic idea of what a teenage girl is like. And don't be afraid to give your characters each authentic voices! I often found you using the same slang with each character, including Jessica (even though she's foreign). Lots of potential here! Please proofread your work and make your characters shine! We don't need to know all the specifics of bball!

4 years ago
1
simutun
simutun

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you want to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new works, you might want to contact rebecca.review@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters, or links will be appreciated when reaching out.

4 years ago
0