chapter 5

01. One time when I was like Six I was in Walmart and I was eating a tube of Pringles and I ate them while my mom paid but I forgot to let the guy scan my Pringles so I walked to the door and an alarm went off and I just started running because I got scared and then my mom couldn't find me because I was hiding behind the newspaper things and the Walmart people called the police because I was missing and when I heard them show up I thought I was a criminal so I left my mom a note on the newspaper that said I went to Mexico to start a new life and not to come looking for me and then I took off running with my Pringles can and I ran for like an hour and then the cops saw me walking down the road so they pulled over .

So I started running again and then they were using the like car intercom thing and they told me to stop running so when I did I thought they were gonna put me in handcuffs and take me to jail so I was crying and I slapped the officer in the stomach and tried to run again but he just held me back and when he asked me what happened to me and I told him he started crying he was laughing so hard. And he just gave my mom two dollars for the Pringles and he was still laughing when he left. And that's the time I was a wanted criminal.

02. An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but l'll take charge." "I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa.

03. One day a cowboy was traveling through the desert when he stumbled across an Indian buried in the sand from the neck down. O Confused, the cowboy asked, "Wha! the hell are you doing?". The Indian says," Telling time" Then suddenly his penis jumps out of the sand and the Indian says, "It's 12.00 Amazed, the coybay checks his pocket watch and conferms what the Indian said. Later on, the cowboy stumbles upon another Indian in the sand, but this one was stroking his penis very rapidly. The cowboy looked down and said, "What the hell are yau doing?" The Indian looked up and shouted, "l'm winding my watch!".

04. A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" .

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

05. A girl was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera.

She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though she knew that she was not speeding. Just to be sure, she went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now she began to think that this was quite funny, so she drove even slower as she passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.

She tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while she rolled past at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, she got five challans for driving without a seat belt... !!!

06. One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

07. It is with heavy but grateful hearts that our family issues this statement today. Being uplifted through our faith and having an outpouring of love and support for our family this week bas been amazing.

We are eternally grateful to our Pastors Scot Ocke, Joanie Schilling and our entire church family at Maumee United Methodist Church who welcomed us home this past week to honor and celebrate the beauty and light that is our oldest daughter/sister Reagan Delaney Tokes.

Also, thank you to Witzler-Shank Funeral Home/staff for all the beautiful touches and compassionate attention to details that embodied the beauty and grace that was Reagan. The kindness and compassion from family and friends is immeasurable and the support from those who do not even know us is unbelievable.

Our daughter blessed our lives as a kind, vibrant, loving soul but to hear all the wonderful stories of those lives she blessed in addition to ours is a true gift. It has helped more than words can say as we struggle with our crushing grief. We would also like to include in our thanks all of the law enforcement in Grove City, Ohio and all the other agencies involved that have worked and continue to work tirelessly to find justice for Reagan.

Although we are not at liberty to comment on the investigation due to the pending legal litigation, what we can say is we will find a way to make a difference in this world for Reagan and all other victims of terrible crimes such as this. The system is flawed and changes need and will happen as a result of this senseless tragedy.

We will work our entire lives if necessary to make this happen. Love conquers evil. Reagan's love and light will continue to shine down upon us, fill our hearts and inspire our spirits. She has departed this earthly life but will never be forgotten. Her wings have spread and she is soaring in splendor in life eternal. Sincerely, Lisa McCrary-Tokes, mommy of beloved Reagan Delaney, daddy Toby Tokes and little sister of her Gee Gee, Makenzie Rae Tokes.

08. A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?" The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box.

09. The husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again. Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away. "Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass down the stairs and threw her into the backyard..she had better not shot in the vegetable garden again."