chapter 11
1. As you lie back your museles fighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're efraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you epen wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as tittle pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way, pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
2. A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US. so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.' An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to eam $100 and goes to the clinic. Lawyer: T have lost my sense of taste." Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth." Lawyer: "Ugh, this is kerosene." Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20." The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money. Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything." Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth." Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste." Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20. The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100. Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all." Chinese: "Well, I dont have any medicine for that, so take this $100." Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100r Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20" You can't beat Chinese Doctors.
3. A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" She replies, "Nah. I think l'll just wait for the police."
4. A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a mall house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "Tm lost, said the man. "Can you put me up for the night" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, but on one condition. If yuu so mach as lay a finger on my danghter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stains. She wan young. beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obvioualy attracted to the young man as she coulda't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her roem for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, be erept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes be saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Toeture Large ock on chest." "Well, that's pretty erappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have mach to worry about." He picked the boulder up, wallked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As be did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was aiready getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than cantration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost"