Chapter 24

1. One time when I was like six I was in Walmart and I was eating a tube of Pringles and I ate them while my mom paid but I forgot to let the guy scan my Pringles so I walked to the door and an alarm went off and I just started running because I got scared and then my mom couldn't find me because I was hiding behind the newspaper things and the Walmart people called the police because I was missing and when I heard them show up I thought I was a criminal so I left my mom a note on the newspaper that said I went to Mexico to start a new life and not to come looking for me and then took off running with my Pringles can and I ran for like an hour and then the cops saw me walking down the road so they pulled over so I started running again and then they were using the like car intercom thing and they told me to stop running so when I did I thought they were gonna put me in handcuffs and take me to jail so I was crying and I slapped the officer in the stomach and tried to run again but he just held me back and when he asked me what happened to me and I told him he started crying he was laughing so hard. And he just gave my mom two dollars for the Pringles and he was still laughing when he left. And that's the time I was a wanted criminal.

2. " In an imperial city. lately, a criminal was condemned to be beheaded, who had a singular itching to plary at nine pins. White his sentence was pronouncing, he had the temerity to offer a request to be permitted to olay once more at his favorite game at the place of execution, and then he sald he should submit without a mur As the last prayer of a dying man, his equest was granted. When arrived at the sol. cmn apot, he found every thing prepared. he pins being set up and the bowl being ready He played with no little earnesiness, but the sher- iff at length, sceing that he showed no inctina tion to desist, privately ordered the executioner to strike the fatol blow as he stooped for he bowl. The executioner did sn, and the head dropped into the culprit's hand as he raised himself; be immediately aimed at the nine.conceiving it was the bowl which he! grasped. All nine falling, the head londly exi claimed, Bs I have wun the game."

3. I had two jobs, one was at this country ice house in buttfuck no- where outside of my city. This place was pretty small, but was one of the few bars in a certain area so it would get busy. A lot off good ol' boys and oil field guys. I worked the door, checked ids and such, and usually broke up fights or kick people out. The owner of this place was very "hands on". He liked to micromanage everything. Didn't want me to kick people out uniess they were throwing punches, and even then to try and talk to them. Never cut anyone off. Had that "always be selling" attitude. One night some trouble happens between some regulars and one guy tries to hit another guy with a pool stick. I happened to get hit in the arm but got behind the guy and put him to sleep. Next day the manager calls me to tell me l'm being let go. Appar- ently pool stick guy spends a lot of money and me putting him to sleep left him bitter so he called the owner. That's fine. Anyways the bar has a nice fancy jukebox. If you have the app you can just pick songs on your credit card and they'll play. If you hit play next on a song, even if they turn the jukebox off, it'll play when it starts back up. It's also unskippable. With the master remote you could skip a song but they lost that remote so they really can't do much if someone piays a certain song they don't like, and even if they unplug it, it'll play no matter what when they turn it on. Here's my petty revenge: The owner does inventory every tuesday night. It also happens to be a busy night because they do pool tournaments and it usu- ally gets packed. So here I thought, I could probably just play the same song over and over and there's nothing they can really do. I got twenty bucks in credits and that usually gives you about 18 unskippable songs. Plus more depending if the app gifts you cred- its. I picked a remix of Cotton Eye Joe, that comes in at around 7 minutes a pop. Usually when the pool tournament started. Two hours of hearing the same song has killed their business on tuesdays. Even if they unplug it, it'li still play when they plugged it back up. I've been doing it for two months so far, last I heard they had to buy a new jukebox at a cost 5,000. I'll probably stop for a month then start again, I'm an asshole I guess.