THREE

I bought a face mask of an angel that was white. It's not because I love white, it's because there were none of the other colours.

I visited the publisher in the "Big Santa Bar" as he said. He was waving his hand towards me. He recognised me because I was only the one with the mask.

So we made the deal for the first 500 copies of my book. But it failed to reach the public. I realised that people will love to spend their money on the bar than buying books.

When you lost something, then every expectation you have dreamed about will die. But you are the doctor of your expectations. So, take care of your patient.

After months, I went to the bar where I sat at a chair thinking about my upcoming novel. I raised a glass of vodka and then two girls came near me.

"Hey, is everything ok?"

"Yes. But who are you?"

"Hi I am Lilly and this is Freeda."

"Hi, nice to meet you. I am Binisha."

"Why are you alone here."

"I got no friends to chill. So every time I come here to break my anxiety."

"Don't say like that because no one is alone in this world. Seems like we are three now.", said Lilly.

For the first time in my life, I got friends. Our friendship was too much deep that we started to go to each other's home, share the same dining.

But I never said about my passion to them until Lilly stalked my phone and found my Instagram account.

I asked them to keep it a secret because one day, I am going to be known everywhere.

As they promise that they will keep it a secret.

When you desire to be something without letting anyone know about it, then it is the most impossible journey because you need someone to hold you. The ones who climb will fall, so they learn how to climb the second time around.

So, I realised that I will never publish the book. I will publish on an online platform.

In 2016, My novel "The Girl I Met On Club" got so popular on Wattpad. My poems and Novel were making much and more progress. I never told about myself to my mother because I want to surprise her.

One day, I asked my mom if she knows about "Miss Zero" and it amazed me when she said she had heard about it.

Slowly, Miss Zero was becoming quite popular in German and likely in some of the European countries.

I was starting to get tons of emails and messages about myself but I never replied a single.

It's not because I am popular and got some attitude, I just didn't want to expose myself that I exist. No, I do exist but I don't want to show myself.

After a week, I went to a bar near my home and met Karl. He looks so attractive and was well dressed. I couldn't stop myself from staring at him. At a time, he came near me and asked my name.

"It's Binisha."

"It's a good name. Where did you get your name? I have never seen a German name Binisha."

"It's from the Asian country called Nepal. My mom went to Nepal and she liked the name."

"Ok. So, are you alone here?"

"We all are alone. Noone is around us".

I think he liked my words. Everything was okay until he pulled me to him and kissed me on my lips.

"Are you crazy?"

"Yes. I am crazy when I saw you, Minisha".

"It's Binisha."

It was crazy. I never thought I would feel it. I was flying in the sky. It felt like I was floating in the river. It was something extra that I had never realised. It was of another taste. I know it may sound wired but it was the feeling. The feeling that the world knows as Love. I was in Love for the second time.

But wait. I had already committed a mistake for the first time falling for someone. But I think we can build it a better second time around.

I remember the lyrics of Ed Sheeran "The club isn't the best place to find a lover, so the bar is where I go."

Bitch, I am on the bar. Seems like I found my love. The love that changes the people.

It's love that we need after we come to the world. Love is everything and love can make everything possible.

Karl and I used to meet every week. We used to hang out together at the same bar. Everything was going ok but suddenly one day when we both were drunk, Karl made me to a room in a hotel. I had my first sex with him. I never wanted to do it but I did it because I couldn't stop myself. I never had seen a guy naked in Infront of my eyes. He slept above me making a soft kiss on my neck. I could feel something happening in the down parts. It was not like masturbating, it was something more than it. Something, that we never wanna stop doing but it's our body that gives up. I loved doing it.

Likewise, for the second time and third time we used to meet and end up in bed. I loved the way he used to play with my breasts while making love and the way he hugged me tight when he gets some sexual shots.

I couldn't stop myself moaning, so I did until we were done.

"Karl, please marry me. I think it's not good to meet and just share our body. I want to be your permanent."

"I need some time. I need to get the job first."

"But Karl..."

"Not a word please Binisha. I love you so much than anything. I am changed after I met you. I had slept with many girls but you are the first one with whom I am not every time there just for sharing the bed. So, I need some space."

After months, Karl called me and said he found a job in a restaurant. I was so happy that I am ending with him.

"Karl. Can we get married now?"

"Binisha. I want to talk to you now. Meet me in the bar".

I went to the bar.

I saw Karl was there with a woman. Maybe she was his mother but she was too young. Maybe that's his sister. I went near him.

"Binisha, have a sit".

"Hi, this is Binisha, my friend."

I don't know why he called me his friend. Am I his friend? Do friend sleep together and end date after having sex? I don't know what was on his mind.

"Hello, I am Binisha."

"Hi, I am Emma."

"Nice to meet you, Emma."

"Karl has always talked about you. I feel awkward but he likes you."

"Yeah, I never knew I would meet a person like him. We had a great day."

"Yes, I can understand, my husband is crazy."

"Husband?"

"Yeah, I am his wife. He wants me to meet you."

The feelings again. The sky feels like it was falling on me. It felt like I was drowning in the river. It was something extra that I had never realised. It was of another taste. I know it may sound wired but it was the feeling. The feeling that the world knows as Pain. I was in pain for the second time.

"I need to leave now. My mom is worried about me", I said and left.

And then we never met again. I locked myself in the room again. Lily and Freeda used to came to me but I never told them about these. I couldn't hold my tears.

The pain I was carrying, never faded away. The marks of the pain remain as the mark on my heart. I couldn't handle the pain and thought I would never.

But time, I just hate the time. How can it heal anyone? Time Healed me but don't want to be healed. Because when I am healed, I will be ok and when I will ok, I will trust people, when I will trust people, I will get close to them, when I will get close to them, I will fall in love again, when I will fall in love again, I will be in pain again.

After a month, I wrote another e-book that came to be in trending name "The Second Mistake". It wasn't about my second breakup but was about......aughh!!!!

leave it, you understand better than me.