9. Love and Hate
I heard him scream louder than ever!!!
And he just fell on the ground.
Blood everywhere around him.
I couldn't stand straight.
I could not feel myself anymore.
And all I witnessed after this was a series of events that traumatised me .
I couldn't feel dad breathing anymore.
He just fell to the ground lifeless ...close to where
Luke was ..
Both of them laid lifeless in front of me.
Both
My brother and my father.
The two men...
One who raised me..
..and the other whom i grew up with.
The men I loved the most but never told.
They were....nooooo...they..they they are..
My...my..people....
They are mine!!!!
I don't really know when i had dropped by their sides and was
Desperately pleading for them to just ....move or just look at me for once.
"Dad...Dad no please listen to me...please.
Luke...luke...are you hearing me!!???
You are aren't you.
Stop this ..STOP THIS!!! PLEASE I BEG YOU PLEASEEEEE!!!!
I can't...i ...i can't take this.
Please ...please just look at me.
You both are okay i know.
See...just look around ...we are all here...together.
Luke see ...please see ..we found mom and dad.
We all will go out now!!
Together!!
But for that Lukkiee you gotta be a good brother and stop playing pranks..okay!!??..OKAY!!???"
"Dad...dad..DADDD!!
Just...stop playing along.
You both...ohh i know you both had this planned...oh you are just doing this so that I get scared and you people get to see me act this way...is it!?..I Know your pranking me...its not working!!
IT'S CLEARLY NOT!!!
IT'S OVER!!
GET UP NOW!!"
"Mumma ask Dad to stop this!!
Ask this bratty idiot Luke to stop this!
Please!!
I can't take it.
Mom this isn't fun. Tell them mom!!"
" Do you people hear that!??
YOU DO!!!
I KNOW!!
THIS IS NOT FUN!!!!
GET UP!!
Get up now!!....please please"
I held on to their collars and dug my face inbetween...
I felt the warmth in their body had left.
They were cold.
I felt not only my voice ..but the soul within me leave without a goodbye.
Just like that leaving me hollow...hurted...miserable and bruised within.
I had never imagined before stepping in here that ..
the answers to save this place would cost me ...and my mom ..our family ...our love..
The everything we ever had!!
No this is a nightmare!!
The worst nightmare.
I can't be going through this.
"Ple...please...please..Dad ..Luke
I Love you guys..We love you guys..
I know i don't tell that very often but ..
I do.
I really do.
Please comeback to me
Come back t..to...u..us..
Me and mom.
Please we can't live without you both
You kn..know that.....y..you..both know that."
My voice came out like hushed and broken whispers at the end as uncontrollable and endless tears blinded me.
More than my voice ...my heart had broken.
It was shattered at this point.
Shattered to an extent that it had no aid.
"Mom...mom..come over here...
I know they will listen to you.
They are angry with me.
Luke is.
Come over here."
I called out for my mom in pure desperation..
because i knew they would listen to her at least.
But she just stood there holding tightly onto one of the tall cracked mirrors beside her...
she was kneeling onto to it like it would support her to stand up.
Her lips were parted and
Her eyes looked blood red with tears.
She was staring right at the spot where Luke and Dad lay still...and pretended to be..to be...dead.
Yes this is just a prank..i know this can't be for real.
"Mom...no!! Dont cry!
Don't be silly! Come on
...come over here.
Talk to them."
I tried to give her a smile to convince and console her to just stop shedding tears..
I know she will get them to wake up like she does every morning.
"Oh Mom...stop that..just come he.."
"AURA...ENOUGH!!
ENOUGHHHHH OF YOUR
NONSENSE!!!!"
She spat out furiously.
"Don't you SEE!!??...Are you BLIND??
Can't you see what has happened!!?
CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!!??"
"I...I ..have done??!..
Mom..how can you just blame me..for"
"FOR WHAT AURA??
FOR KILLING YOUR FATHER AND BROTHER!!??
WHY WHY WHYYY DID YOU JUST LET HIM GO!!!
Whyyyyy...
Oh wwhhyy!!??
Couldn't you just stop your lil'brother ...couldn't you have calmed him down yourself!!??
You didn't!!!
WHY!!???"
She screamed at the pitch of her voice..shrill and sad.
"I didn't....I couldn't..
Its not like i didn't want to
But..but..I had to mom...
I didn't know it would turn up like this...I.."
"JUST TELL ME..WHY DIDN'T YOU AURA..just that ."
"Mom...listen to me ..your getting me wrong...your totally misundersta.."
"WHY!!??
Just.Answer.That."
"Mom i was warned not to.
This place would take my powers from me and.."
"WOW!! JUST WOW!!
I didn't know I raised you to be a selfish and self-centered person.
You didn't know you felt "YOUR POWERS"
were MORE IMPORTANT..Than your OWN BROTHER!!??"
"MOM!! NO...please hear me out!!..please"
"NO..No...no Aura
You...You killed my Son...my husband.
I didn't realise this whole time that ...
I had been..oh sorry..WE had been worrying about YOU!!!
And you are just a heartless monster!!!
How can you be our daughter!?"
I was furiously nodding my head at each word my mom spoke as each one pierced through the pieces of my already shattered heart.
My brain couldn't translate to me the words she spoke...it just couldn't register any of it.
How could she think of me like that...how could my mom just speak all that...
And why why whyyy would i kill my father...my brother..
These three are the only people that ever ever EVER MATTERED TO ME!!
She won't listen to me.
She is getting it all wrong.
Somewhere between this pain ...
I felt angry..i felt irritated...
I just felt..this was unfair.
"Mom how could you..."
"No Aura How could YOU!!??
We loved you Aura...
You and Luke meant the world to us!!
And now you..
YOU...
YOU DIGUST ME AURA!!!"
The last sentence came out of her in pure...HATRED??
But she is my mom
She can NEVER HATE ME!!!
Can she?
Does she?
"Mom why do you say that like you can't take the sight of me..mom i didn't do this ..Mom"
"Oh stop..JUST STOP!!
Not only your sight but
I CAN'T EVEN BARE LISTENING TO YOUR VOICE!!
How could you be born to me!!!
To us!!
Your father came here for you...
For YOU!!!
FOR A SELFISH DEMON LIKE YOU!!
You are just...just heartless Aura..
Selfish....
We didn't raise you like this!
Never!!
YOU JUST DIGUSTTTTT ME AURA!!
I Can't believe i ever loved you
I DON'T ANYMORE!!
You seriously did all of this...ALL OF THIS .. for what..for WHAT!!??
FOR YOUR "POWERS"!!??
THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED UNTIL A FEW DAYS BACK!!!
THOSE POWERS THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE!!
For that ...you..you just
Killed your own family..
You are...oh god!!
I just ..I just
I HATE YOU!!!
I really do
I AM TRUELY ASHAMED OF RAISING A DAUGHTER LIKE YOU!!!."
My hand involuntaryly closed my ears as i shut my eyes close.
But its not pitch black..darkness that i see...
It's my mind showing me everything that led me to this place.
Everything that pursued me to come here.
The series of horrible events that I regret that I hate just kept flashing before my eyes.
Starting from Chief Kent being stabbed right before my eyes to Luke covered in blood in front of me.
I forced myself to open my eyes but they remained shut!!
Just witnessing the series roll again and again
Each time making me want to scream..cry..shout..stop everything and just kill myself!!
I felt the urge to fall down like Luke or just stab myself.
I felt hate...hate towards myself.
Enough!!
Stop it!!
I don't
I can't
What have I done!!!!??
Why does she...my own mother
HATE ME!!!??
I Didn't..I DIDN'T KILL THEM!!!
Her last sentence is just
Viberating in my whole system!!
I should have never come here!!
I hate it!!
I hate this place!!
I hate everything!!!
It makes me hate myself!!
I hate this
FREAKIN' FEELING!!!
I just want this
OUT OF ME!!!
NOW!!!!
And...And i know what can stop all of this....
I had always known.
I have to use my power.
My power of "LOVE"
..that's the only thing that can eradicate and counter this feeling
This feeling I hate within myself
This feeling of HATE!!
Yes...Yes I know this is the only way out.
It does make sense as
Caleb said my power is
Love
And I feel Hate within.
Yes that is it!!
I give up!!
I have to use my power.
I do!
I can't take this anymore.
I am left with no choice but this.
I am sorry but ...but ...
I want to get the hell out of here...
I can't lose my mom now!!
I can't.
If all that this place wants is my power...
I Don't Care!!!
Take it away!!!
I just have to use it!
I don't need it anyway!
I guess all I need to do is concentrate.. concentrate on this...
This feeling..
This feeling of hate for this place!
Which means watching the horrifying series of events ,I have been through again and again.
Everything!! Again and again!!
Each time I saw these flashes of events that led me here.
The murder of Chief...
I letting Luke run away
Losing Dad..
Losing Luke...
Dexter squealing happily..
Luke screaming for help..
Things mom said to me..
Just going through it once was traumatizing enough..
But going through it again and again was rapidly ripping and scaring my soul badly.
The hate I within me was something I had never felt...
It felt toxic...it felt like gulping down gallons of poison that was killing me ruthlessly.
It's said that after every night ...either it be beautiful or cold...stormy..and dark it ends.
It definitely ends and the sun rises.
But i feel like the sun has never existed.
This night...this darkness is permanent.
It will never ever leave me!!
The place seemed to control my mind..
because the emphasis on the deaths in those flashes was so much that I felt giving out a gutt wreaking shriek..crying...pleading
Or
even killing myself won't just stop these flashes....
I just wanted to use my power
somehow...
And the place was just forcing it out of me in a brutal way!!
I don't know how to even describe all this happening to me
How to just put a fullstop
How to use my powers to stop this.
How to just make it less painful!!
My breathing was rapid...like i had been wanting to breathe very bad
But now..I give up..I just want to lose the slightest control I think I had on my thoughts and body.
My face is covered in blood and tears as I try hard to open my eyes...
But I can't.
I have to do what this places want me to ...
That is to go through these events again and again until I somehow manage to use even a tiny bit of my power.
*I have to atleast save my mom*
*I have to save her*
Yes!..Thats it.
And
I gave in.
The reel of events just kept rolling again and again ..but each time it got more detailed and horrifying ...
This was pure torture..i would prefer death over this anytime.
My mind felt numb with hatred.
The scenes kept repeating..
The words said by each of them got more clear and loud in my head.
LET US GO PLEASE!!
A part of me kept pleading desperately.
But each time my pleading were repressed by the voices in my head..
The voices of the people who died.
I felt a weird sensation with in like I was trying my best to guard myself from all of this.
From this feeling.
But the memory of the events just kept overpowering it all!!!
Every ounce of me at this point wants to get away!!
Wants to neither live nor die.
Luke's scream kept echoing through my body...
Mom shouting it out loud that she hates me..kept going on neverendingly
Chief Kent saying "Kyrings is the key"
Repeated all over again.
It sounded wrong to me.
Still she kept saying it again and again and each time she said that i could watch her being stabbed.
I now didn't know how i felt...the only thing that radiated from me was hate!
Thats it !!
Nothing else.
I could no longer feel myself.
He was thrown..and was screaming
I saw her moving desperately towards me and saying "kyrings is the key" and each time being stabbed..
Constantly rolled in my head...
Her last words...was faintly heard earlier but now that I think of it
It got louder ...
As she said,"Don't fall for it."
It sounded clear suddenly.
My suffocated mind suddenly felt a sudden but short waft of breeze.
I don't know why i wanted to listen to her say that again.
"Don't fall for it. "
I heard her again.
And again.
And again...
"Kyrings is the key..."
"Don't fall for it. "
My mind was stuck hopelessly....
Stuck on these two lines she said.
It felt like her lines made sense.
They meant something...that I didn't comprehend earlier.
"Don't fall for it "
Does she possibly mean...that
That..
But this seems so real!!
How can be..
Can it be?
So ...Did I ..Did I just...
Fall for it!??
But how can this be fake...
How can my family be ...
I mean this all seems real.
Except that Mom can never Hate me!!Or can she??
Is this all just an illusion...is this to...
Is it...Just to make me ...
Weak...feel worthless..
Feel so much of hate that i use my power!!??
Why does everything seems to connect?
Why do I feel I know what Chief Kent meant!
If so..
Then all this is ...not real!!
Just the thought that all this is fake ...
Made me feel ....alive for some reason.
If so...I can still get out.
I can still make it to my family.
But this place is not only magical but has brains...
I can't fall prey for it.
I can't follow the path it wants me to.
I have to do something...
Something else.
Something that it knows I will not.
Something I can never do or even think of.
Something that...that is ...
Impossible.
Think Aura !! Think!!
Most of my mind was still forcing me to see the events again and again.
How can i think if this goes on!!
I could still see the repeated scenes of Dexter squealing and Mom looking at me with intense dislike and hatred.
Her lines expressing digust for me kept rolling.
And it clicked to me.
What I could never even dream of doing.
Something that's impossible!!!
I know it!!!
I do.
The sudden zeal inside me made me feel better...
I didn't feel that weak anymore.
I had to do this.
But just the thought of having to do it made me weak again.
Is this the solution?
Is this what i am supposed to do?
Please please god let this be just an illusion.
Please!!
With all my might and a sudden hope I fought to stop my mind from thinking of anything else..
I fought to get control over myself.
To just open my eyes and stand up.
It took all within me...
Everything!!! With in me
To stop my mind.
To just open my eyes.
I stared at the darkness around me...
Mom still standing just ahead of me.
Her eyes were pale..
They were not red anymore.
They were just staring at me.
I dragged my body up and again dragged my body slowly towards her...
My legs were felt no less than spaghetti as they forced me to just slam my whole weight back on the ground .
The women in front of me looked digusted as I tried my best to shorten the distance between us.
What I planned on doing was..
Beyond digusting...
Beyond my imagination and strength
Beyond my power.
As I stood in front of her I knew i was living my worst possible nightmare that i couldn't even think of and I was just contributing to make it more
Horrendous!!
If i kept thinking over again and again...
I will lose the little control i have got over me.
This thing is gonna take Every thing left in me .
Everything!!
With that I block all my thoughts as much as I can and
Take a large sharp piece of the cracked mirror she was holding on to..
And scream with my eyes closed as I stab it into her chest.
I cry hysterically and cover my mouth with the hand covered in my mom's blood as
I hear her moan in pain and groan until it all becomes quiet.
I drop to the ground and feel the entire world fading beneath my legs.
I now didn't even try to stop the stream of tears coming down my face as I had no reason for them to stop!!!
I screamed over and over again
I felt the remorse and grief i felt couldn't be expressed.
I repent my whole existence right now.
I looked around to see what was done to my family 'cause of me.
But breath hitched as I could see the whole place melting away with a strange lava red colour and my parents and brother had vanished.
Where!!??
WHERE ARE THEY!?
Right before my eyes everything..
The whole place became a small pearl of lava red and came dashing towards me and vanished in thin air.
The whole place didn't exist anymore.
I could see a land with no trees ..
No bottle like looking flowers...
Nothing at all.
Thats when i saw a tall figure move towards me through darkness
And the boy kneel down in front me.
"Caleb"
I muttered as i sobbed.
"Oh Aura!!"
His purple eyes had brimed with water as he spoke.
I didn't think for a second more
and just hugged him tightly with the negligible strength left in me.
He squeezed me in between his arms and sniffed as he sobbed.
I dissolved into him..not wanting to do anything else right now.
"Let's go home Aura"
*But ...I feel home*
I said in my head.
_________________________________________