Chapter 6: Getting To The Money, Part 2

She decided to keep it simple. "I wasn't feeling so hot. So I visited my doctor and guess what? I have diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol."

"Damn, Hade…"

"I know. But I decided to get healthy. I joined a gym and I even got a personal trainer."

"You joined a gym?" Dani's face was full of surprise. Both women were overweight, but on Dani they called it voluptuous. Her friend was gorgeous with her thick hourglass figure, smooth mocha skin and long extensions.

Dani had actually done a lot to help Hayden realize that being overweight didn't make you unattractive. Dani easily had fifty extra pounds on her tall frame but she also had hips that men couldn't stop looking at and curves that looked good in her clothes. She regularly scheduled trips to the salon to keep her nails and hair perfectly done. Her makeup was always flawless and she had confidence that came with accepting all of herself. Confidence equaled beauty...

Hayden gazed at her confident, beautiful friend. She knew that she couldn't expect a woman like Dani to understand what it was like to have so much self-loathing that making sure she didn't fail was more important than any discomfort she was sure to experience in the course of her self-improvement during this next year. So Hayden plastered on a false smile instead. "I just need to take better care of myself," and then Dani nodded in acceptance.

Hayden speared a lettuce leaf not minding that there was barely enough of the fat free dressing to taste. If she tasted it she might spew anyway…

"Have you heard from that man?"

Hayden shook her head slowly. "He's coming this weekend to pick up the last of his things."

"You should put his shit out on the curb-"

"Dani-"

"You were too nice to that loser!"

"Lets not talk about him." She met her friend's eyes. "That part of my life is over. It's all about me now."

"True. Well then let's go out this weekend. I'll take you out to dinner so you won't have to be there when he's there."

"No, I have no intentions of being there, but I do have plenty of other things that I need to take care of. Thanks though."

Dani looked a little disappointed but she patted her friend on the shoulder. "You know I'm here if you need me, right?"

"I know. Thanks, but I'm good."

~*~

After work Hayden headed to a job interview where she hoped to get a job cleaning a small office complex. It would work well with her schedule in that she would be able to make her own hours. The cleaning just needed to be completed by the following morning.

She was immediately hired after the manager gave a cursory look at the area of her job application that indicated she did not have a criminal history. She was to start Monday evening, five days a week. It would give her an extra grand a month. Not much, but it would pay down her maxed out credit cards and leave her the weekend to devote to herself.

When Hayden finally stumbled into the house later that evening, she grabbed the calendar from the bedroom and placed it on the refrigerator using a magnetic clip. She read the self-affirmation again. I value my health, as I can't truly love myself without loving and inner-adorning the shine that encapsulates the magic of my soul…

If Hayden experienced even one moment of happiness in the following week, she could not recollect it. To anyone other than to her personal trainer or Dani, she barely spoke a word. Todd increased her treadmill time to twenty minutes, which she maintained each morning even when he wasn't there. She then went to work nearly bent in pain and at lunch ate a salad or sandwich.

After working her first job, she then drove to the office complex where she had three offices to clean. It took every bit of four hours so if she wanted to get to bed at a decent hour she had to hustle. She particularly disliked cleaning the large office on the first floor with its big plate glass window overlooking the parking lot. The people who occupied that office worked late and so it was always her last stop. On top of that, they were foul people who left a horrible mess.

Her routine included wiping out the water fountain where there was always grit in it like someone had dumped coffee grounds down the drain. She dumped the trashcans of each cubicle and filled them with new plastic liners. She dusted, vacuumed and then mopped and cleaned both sets of bathrooms. Yet what was even worse than even cleaning two filthy bathrooms was cleaning the little canteen.

Each day she would see the tables littered with used food wrappers and overflowing ashtrays. She knew why no one threw away their trash—because the cans were just small ones that were used in the cubicles and they just overflowed. Still there was no excuse for why they left the microwave in the condition that she found it in each night. It would take forever for her to scrub the burnt crud or sticky goo from the tray and walls.

The first night that she had cleaned away a month's worth of old food; she had stepped back and looked at the sparkling clean microwave with pride. Now that she had taken the first step they would surely cover their food, wipe up their spills, and keep it clean. However, when she returned the next day, there was macaroni and cheese stuck in it and someone had microwaved something red that had splattered and dried all over the interior. Hayden closed her eyes and counted to ten.

I train myself to focus on positive thoughts so the fruits produced by my subconscious are ripe and rich instead of weeds that devour and swallow… She had to repeat that affirmation three times before she was calm enough to re-clean all that she had meticulously cleaned the night before. At first when she had scanned her computer for self-affirmations, which could be repeated during moments of weakness or self-doubt, she thought they would just be frivolous words that she wouldn't be able to relate to. Although in truth, she really couldn't totally relate to them, she said them anyway because she hoped that one day she would believe them.

By the time she finally dragged herself back to her home, she seldom did anything but bathe and fall into bed. It was a good trade off. Though she was tired and sore each night, she was also too busy to think about MyKell.

He had come by to pick up his things the weekend before, just as his phone message had indicated. Only she wasn't there to witness it—when she returned home, there was simply an absence of his remaining remnants. His key lay on the dining room table and she tossed it into the garbage.