Chapter 5: Getting To The Money, Part 1

"Aren't you feeling… sick?" he had asked her with squinted eyes as he scrutinized her. She just shrugged and shook her head.

"Well Miss Michaels once you begin taking this medication you will realize that you were indeed sick…" he smiled, "because you will begin to feel tons better."

Hayden took her morning dose of diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol medicine. Well… at least she now had a doctor's note for why she had taken damn near a week off from work. See Boss Lady, I'm not just mooning away because some man dumped me. I'm really sick! Check out my A1C level. I should be freaking dead…

Hayden pulled on sweat pants. They were MyKell's… well, they had been until he snagged them on a nail and wouldn't wear them once they were damaged goods. She found scissors and shortened the legs so that she wouldn't trip on them and then pulled on one of MyKell's undershirts. It was like a dress on her. With a frown, she shook her head and then prepared her breakfast; oatmeal, sugar substitute with soymilk. It nearly turned her stomach, but apparently, it was a healthy diabetic breakfast; one that she would have to tolerate for the next year at least… 360 more days and counting.

When Hayden pulled into the gym parking lot and it was 5:29 A.M. She dashed through the doors expecting it to be completely empty except for Todd, but there were a few die-hard workout enthusiasts apparently doing what she had in mind; a workout before heading to the job.

"Good morning," Todd greeted her sounding chipper. He was holding a cup of coffee, which she eyed wantonly, but no coffee for her. Her caffeine addiction would take at least a full week to kick.

Todd had her get on the treadmill first.

"Aren't I supposed to stretch first, or something-?" She looked warily at the machine, images of fat women falling off them and being posted to YouTube instantly started swirling around her mind…

"Only if you want a muscle or ligament tear. Always warm up before stretching."

Okay, that made sense. So she stepped on the treadmill and he started it at a moderate walk. She started to sweat five minutes into the walk. Ten minutes into it, her heart began thumping and she wondered what she was going to do when he made her run? He was quiet as he studied her file and then took her pulse while she struggled to maintain her balance and speed.

"Good. What did you eat this morning?"

Did he really expect her to talk when she could barely breathe? "Oatmeal," she managed.

"Good."

After fifteen minutes, he allowed her to stop. She wanted to drop to the floor, but waited patiently for his next instructions instead. They did some stretching which felt really good and then Todd took her through an upper body circuit. The weights were very small, not very heavy at all, and she felt that she could go much heavier. Until he took her through several repetitions and then she wanted to beg him to stop.

She didn't stop and she didn't complain. Todd explained each step of the way until she understood how to work through each exercise slowly so that her muscles would feel the burn. To think she had always tried to avoid the burn not realizing that muscles had to break down so that they could rebuild themselves stronger too. Maybe that was just a universal truth… The hour finally came to an end and Hayden wanted nothing more than to go home and climb into bed; but she couldn't. She had to finally return to work.

"I want you to do this exact same thing every other day until I start you on lower body. You need to walk more to improve your cardio so take stairs when possible, okay?"

"Yes," she nodded.

He smiled at her. "Good job. I'll see you Sunday afternoon."

Hayden's plan had been to do an hour workout each morning before heading to her job in hopes that she would feel invigorated throughout the day. However, the reality is that she was far from invigorated. Her body began to ache in places where she didn't even know she had muscles.

She entered her office building and bypassed the elevator and headed for the stairs which would take her to the fourth floor. Todd told her to do it and she said she would. Period. It took her three times as long to get to her office and she was sweating and out of breath but in some ways each aching step felt like… rebirth.

She grudgingly admitted that the pain and the ache felt kind of good; not physically but mentally. It was pain that was killing away the bad and creating something new and not pain based on what someone else had done to her. It was the pain of success…

"Oh my God, Hayden!" Dani exclaimed when Hayden came panting and limping over to her cubicle. She fell into her office chair, which squeaked loudly and she hoped it wouldn't break on her, because if she hit the floor she wasn't sure she would be able to get back up.

"Girl… what in the world…? Wow your hair looks good."

Hayden blinked at her in surprise. She patted her TWA – teeny weeny afro, and then shrugged. She dug in her purse for her doctor's note. "Dani, be a friend and give this to Boss Lady."

"Of course."

She signed onto her computer. 7:59 A.M. She had made it to work on time. So this was doable. Ugh…

~*~

"Are you… okay? I've been worried about you. You just disappeared." Dani spoke while they sat in the break room at lunch.

Hayden felt bad that she hadn't done anything to alleviate Dani's concerns. Yet, she didn't know how to explain what she was going through either. How did she tell someone that she wasn't completely detaching herself from anything that might cause her to feel or to want? That it was not a bad thing because if she examined her wants it would only lead to a cup of coffee with whipped cream and—stop!