Chapter 14

Shawna

My eyes burn from how much tear shedding I have done.

I've been at Austin and Candice's place for a few hours. Austin dropped me off with simply a towel on and once he explained everything to Candice, took back off. My guess is he was heading back to Max's house to make sure he was alright, but I know, I already know what he will find when he gets there.

Max will be gone. I'm sure of it, and that only worries me more.

He wasn't the same person. He was different, he was not only trapped in whatever happened over there, but he was desperate to get revenge. It made no sense to me, which only frustrated me further.

Candice grips me tighter when I begin trembling and I feel her hands smoothing my hair down. I was able to dress is some of her clothing and since Austin left, we have been sitting here on the couch crying. She's a true friend for sitting here with me the way she is, and I can tell by her own tears and questions, that she's just as worried about Max as I am.

To say seeing Max wake the way he did, seeing his eyes look into mine but only see a soldier on a mission and not the sweet loving person I've known for all these years, it scared me. When he pulled a gun on me, when he fired it in the air, none of it was as scary as it was when he realized what was happening.

I pray that nothing drastic happens. I can recall the panic I felt when I walked in on him shoving the gun under his chin.

"Shawna? My phone is ringing. It's in the bedroom, do you mind if I answer it, it might be Austin with some news of Max." I lift up from Candice's arm and look into her hallway.

Shit, I hadn't even heard it. I hate that I left mine at the house.

"Yeah, sorry."

"Don't be. I'll be right back."

Candice heads to the bedroom where I hear her on the phone with someone but I can tell by the conversation that it is defiantly not Austin. I really hope he found him and that Max isn't out there doing something scary. I read about PTSD when Max was over there. Especially when he told me about his going on his second tour. I understood his need to serve his country and he was proud to do it, but when he came back I knew something was different.

I kept in contact with the other soldier's wives at first and was there when they needed anything, but it was hard when he came back to rely on anyone, even Austin. Telling someone that your boyfriend or husband is weak is not something you want to do, especially after they just served our country in God knows what conditions.

He just needed time, is what I kept telling myself over and over again.

Candice walks back out and sits beside me on the couch. I notice her small blouse has wet stains all over it and I hate that I practically wrecked her shirt with my snot and tears.

"Sorry, that was my mom. She was asking about my party, but I'm thinking of not even having it."

"Don't. If I know Max, he would be devastated if he was the reason you didn't do this for yourself. He hates being the bad guy."

"It's funny. Austin said the exact same thing to me when we first met."

"What do you mean?" Candice looks towards their fireplace and takes a deep breath.

"When I first met Max he was a sweetheart. It was actually Austin that was the dick." She giggles then gets serious. "My car had broken down and Max happened to see me so he pulled over and offered to take me to a repair shop the MC owned. I didn't trust him and took my taser out of my bag."

I sit up straighter sensing where this is heading.

"He was choking me before I could even contemplate my next move. His eyes were heavy, angry, like he was a completely different person. He had told me about his PTSD but I didn't want to say anything to Austin. He had asked me to keep it between us and I didn't want to disappoint him. He's like a brother to me."

I nod my head in understanding. Candice is sweet for not taking Max's attack too far. She could have called the cops and it would have been justified, especially because she had just met the man, but I'm glad he has someone in his corner.

"Max and I's break up was pretty bad but not for the reason he thinks." I look up Candice and wait for her to bring her gaze over to mine. "I was a dance instructor for children learning different genres of dance. I taught ballet, tap and contemporary. I loved it and Max was proud of me."

I take a deep breath and continue.

"Max had just gotten home from his tour. He was early by a week and was pretty beaten up. He didn't tell anyone, and I only found out through his staff sergeant, but he spent a few days in a hospital in Germany before coming home. I told him over and over again that he wasn't dealing. He would wake up early after practically no sleep, screaming, then go out for hours at a time. He would lie to me and tell me that he was going to the compound but he would tell Austin he was with me. Finally one day I went to his mother and told her I was worried about him. Really, I think I just needed someone to talk to. Anyways, Max had found out about my impromptu trip to his mother's and came to confront me. I was at my studio. We got into a huge fight and I told him that I think he needs help. He got angry, angrier than I have ever seen him and started throwing things, breaking things, smashing all the glass. The business owner from next door called the police thinking I was being robbed. I heard the sirens, kept telling Max that they we're coming, but he wouldn't listen, he was in a different zone and just kept destroying my studio. I knew what they would have done to him if they came in, saw me having some blood on me from the glass, and him a big guy with a cut on, destroying everything. I couldn't let that happen. I screamed that I cheated on him at the top of my lungs and that snapped him out of it. He looked broken, destroyed, but he left. I got arrested and was charged with property damage and obviously lost my job. No one wanted a woman that would destroy her entire studio out of rage to be around their five year old."

Tears roll down my cheeks as I tell Candice my story. That night was hard for me and it was especially hard doing it alone. Max hated me, I lost my only source of income. I had lost my house I was renting since I didn't sign over a new lease thinking I was moving in with Max and had no choice but to pay back all the damage done to the studio. It was horrible, and it was even more awful when Max began going into my work that I desperately needed and got me fired from the first job. I had been working at Joe's bar for a few weeks when he came in drunk and nearly destroyed everything because some guy was making a move on me.

So I was paying for that and my studio.

Maybe Miss O'Neal was right. Maybe I am over my head in this. I hate that I may not ever get my studio up and running again but after what I witnessed this morning, I know I can't tell Max.

"I'm so sorry Shawna. I can't believe you're doing this alone. I know Max is going through a lot but if he finds out about all of this, it would destroy him."

"Which is exactly why I can't tell him."

"No, I think that's exactly why you should." I look over to her with curiosity. Her long red hair blocking some of her face which she pulls behind her ear when she turns to me. "Max loves you, and he's hurt and angry, but maybe some realization is exactly what he needs. If we coddle him and put him in the fake world where he doesn't hurt anyone, then he can't grow and become part of the real world again."

I nod my head slowly. I've read a hundred books about PTSD and have talked to a lot of people that knew someone with the same symptoms. I know Candice is right, but I just don't have it in my heart to be the one that destroys Max. I've already done too much.

"Anyways, it's something to think about. I'm glad you told me Shawna, and I don't plan on telling anyone, but just so you know, Austin and I are a team, and I won't lie to him."

"I understand that. Thanks Candice."

"Speaking of, I haven't heard from Austin this entire time." She stands and grabs her phone then looks through it to make sure she didn't miss any calls. "Strange." She whispers.

"I wouldn't worry. Austin most likely found him and the two of them are either trying to kill each other or went to see their mom or something." I don't mention that no matter what, Austin would have tried to get a hold of her but I don't want to worry her. I'm worried enough for the both of us.

Before Candice could reply, the lights go out and we look around at the now practically dark room. The sun is down but there is still an aurora of purple and dark blue in the sky coming through the window.

"Tell me that you guys haven't paid the electric bill." Have I mentioned I'm a bit of a baby when it comes to the dark? I have a Little Mermaid night light. No judging.

"I don't know what the hell is going on. There's no rain or storms but the wind is blowing pretty good. It's probably just a blown fuse or something." I nod my head but don't take my eyes off her silhouette as she makes her way to the kitchen and grabs something.

Candice walks back out and suddenly a bright light hits me directly in the face. A flashlight. Candice walks over and sits down next to me clutching her phone in her hand.

"Just going to go check it out. You good with staying here?"

"Yeah, go ahead, I'll be right here."

Candice moves to head outside and once she closes the door, I pull the blankets back around me and lay back. My mind is on ten different things as I picture what could possibly be taking Austin so long. Max and I slept in till about eleven this morning when Austin came and got me. It has to have been hours since he left and yet, no message.

Five minutes later, I stand up and pace. Candice has been gone way too long and I'm starting to worry. I know nothing about fuse boxes but surely she would have headed inside by now to call one of the guys if it were something she couldn't figure out for herself. If my phone weren't back at Max's, I would have called someone to help us.

Another few minutes pass and I huff out my frustration and go to check on Candice.

Before I can make it to the door, something passes from behind me and pushes me into the hardwood of the door. My head connects with the wood and I immediately feel dizzy. Pain ignites from the top of my head all the way down my neck and I fall to the ground.

The figure wastes no time and grabs hold of my legs and begins pulling them towards him. I don't know what his plan for me is, but I know something must have happened to Candice outside. Panic sets in and I push my legs up and begin kicking anywhere my feet can connect. When I hear a groan of pain I do an inner fist bump.

A fist connects with my jaw and even more pain radiates around my skull.

Yep. Defiantly a guy.

I hear him grunt as he stands and although I can't make anything out, I can see enough of the shadow to tell he is tall. I turn around and try to scamper away but he grabs my waist and pulls me up in one quick swift. I scream and shout as he lifts me and throws me over on the other side of the living room where my back and head hit the floor.

I almost black out from the pain swirling around in my head. I freeze when I hear whispers but can't make out what they are saying. The man walks over and gets a tight grip on my hair. He pulls while I begin scratching anything I can get. I grab hold of his arms and turn my head enough to bite. He screams and starts punching my head but I don't let go until I taste blood in my mouth.

"Fuckin' bitch. You're going to pay for that." I hear him say and freeze when I realize something. His voice sounds familiar.

Another punch to my face and I fall to the ground in a heap. Tears flow down my cheeks as he tries grabbing at me once again and that's when I hear the whispers again except this time they're louder.

"Fight baby, never stop fighting. No matter what pain you feel, it will be better than when they take you. So fight, and don't stop fighting."

It's Max. He taught me some moves when we first got together and told me never to give up. If they want me, they are going to fight to have me.

The stranger lifts me once again, assuming I am now unconscious and starts heading for the door with me on his shoulders. I shoot up, ignoring the roaring pain in my back and head and kick him right in the jaw. He must bite his jaw or I got his nose because when I fall to the ground I feel the wetness of blood all over me.

Another grumble from his throat and suddenly, his hands are around my neck. I gasp, trying to get air into my lungs. My arms and legs kick out wildly as black spots appear around the edges of my vision. Before he could finish his job, I hear the distinct sound of a few bikes pulling up, and suddenly the stranger let's go of my throat and I inhale and begin wildly coughing.

Th stranger begins cursing then tries to run, but before he could get anywhere, I try one more move I don't know if I can pull off. I lift my legs up in a twist and trip him, causing an immense pain to flow through my ankle. He goes flying down and I hop on top of him and pull at anything I can get. He's too strong for me and throws me off him and then takes off.

The lights pop on and I begin looking around frantically. There is blood everywhere. Water and muddy footprints. I see some of the furniture knocked over and I lay back on my back exhausted and in a barely conscious state.

Austin suddenly appears in my vison and relief fills me as he lifts me up gently.

"Fuck. Shawna. Hang on okay? I need you to tell me where Candy is. Shawna, where is she?"

I try to move and point to the front door where I see Torque run in as well, already on his phone. Austin sees where I am pointing to and lays me back gently on the ground. Torque walks over and crouches down next to me.

"Don't move okay Shawna?" Like that's going to happen.

I nod my head slowly, trying to refrain from using my mouth. The adrenaline is starting to wear off, causing the pain to begin coming in. Everything suddenly starts hurting and feels swollen. I hear some grunting and cursing and I look over to the front door again. Austin is running into the living room with an unconscious Candice in his arms. She has a nasty bump on her head but she is moving a little so I know she is alright.

"Mother fucker. Who the hell could have done this Austin?" Torque asks but Austin looks between me on the floor and Candice's form now on the couch.

"I didn't send someone to protect them Torque. I didn't even think about it. I.." He begins rubbing his temples and pacing back and forth.

"A-Austin." I croak out causing both men to look over at me.

With not much strength left in me, I lift the item that I was able to grab off the man that attacked both Candice and me.

"What the fuck are those?" Torque asks as Austin leans down and retrieves them. Austin smiles and leans into kiss my forehead.

"You did damn good Shawna. Damn good."

"Are those?" Torque asks.

"Yep. Military tags."