Anxiety

"Vi, are you alright? Your face is turning grey," I hate it when I'm anxious because I feel like crying and I rather die than having the thought of what people think of me about me crying just because of this. I give him the phone and he scratch his forehead. Its giving him headache too. Maria had already told Anne where is our location. I feel like puking, diarrhea and crying out loud at the same time but I control my face and body from doing so. I bite my finger nails trying to find a solution.

"I know how. Give her a different phone but every detail inside out is this same except for this message. Change the location but still look similar. I bet she doesn't even remember every detail clearly. Before giving her back, hand it to me first so I can confirm it it's pretty, very similar," I requested. I don't know much about technology but I know I can count on P.D. and Tech Department for this.

I walk away still biting my finger nails and just following where my heart leads me. I can feel the urge to cry is already at my throat and I have to get rid of it fast before I become center of the attention again. I don't like it one bit if that happens to me. I wouldn't forgive myself as well. That happened so many time before and I didn't realize at that time how much people hate me for that. I understand why people call me drama queen but even now, when it's already a long pain, they still call me that too. Other woman or girls in the other hand, people all of sudden care so much and cry with them. My feet took me to my bathroom. I sit on the floor and pull my knee to my chest. I cry hard and covering my mouth so no one could suspect I'm crying. I can feel my heart or chest is bursting.

'Why am I so weak?' I ask myself. Other people can go through so much yet they don't even shed a tear and here am I crying because of who knows what now. Months of pain? Probably. Anxiety? Maybe that too. I always wish and ask my heart to be a stone so I won't cry that easily. I take a deep breath, wet my face with cold water and wait for my red eyes turns back to normal. I take a deep breath and clench my heart hard before opening door.

"Were you pooping?" Jack ask.

"No, peeing," I laugh and shut the door behind me. I look normal. Good.