KiYoung (2)

Present

"You've now taken several roles in various musicals tv dramas, with many of them being a lead or supporting character. What are your goals for the future?" A correspondent called out, his loud voice easily heard over the clamor of cameras and people.

The same old question and yet it never failed to make me squirm in my seat. There was always so much celebration when you did well as in idol; the public expected you to only be a pretty face, so when they were met with actual talent as well, it helped to boost popularity. Without needing to think too hard, I answered the reporter's question. "I genuinely enjoyed acting and I did it well, but I missed performing with DAZL and seeing our fans up close. Acting really doesn't compare to the stage, so I'm eager to have a new comeback to show to everyone." Seconds passed while more pictures were taken and people went through notes before another question was shouted out of the crowd.

"KiYoung-ssi, how does it feel to be known for your girl-group dances and their accuracy? Has it ever led to any awkward situations with fans?" I chuckled as I thought of the concerts where I had dressed up in the stage outfits of female entertainers, completely their choreography as if it had been my own.

"I don't think there are too many misunderstandings, it's common to try out other group's dances and even more common for variety programs to ask us to try the opposite gender's. Most of the moves are easy but getting the attitude right is harder." I sent a wink in the direction of the young journalist and watched as her face turned a light pink. "In any case, as long as my fans enjoy it, I'm more than willing to dance as much as they want."

My manager tapped my shoulder and I stood up from the table where I sat and waved at the surrounding crowd.

"Thank you everyone for coming today and for encouraging KiYoung in his pursuits. Fans can pick up free merchandise in the DAZL gallery and …" The rest of the host���s words died away as I continued to greet the fans and paparazzi alike as I made my way to the back of the Mercury building. I waved away my manager who had followed behind me, telling him I was heading home.

It had been a moderately stressful day since I was finishing up filming for a personal mini-series along with preparations for the press conference. I had been so happy when they'd chosen me out of all the members to have my own separate schedule and TV time and I could only attribute my small success to my current work. I felt that I was finally beginning to make a name for myself apart from the group. With the numerous TV programs, variety shows and movies that I had starred in, I was hoping to become a household name. However, no matter how much success I had, I never forgot those first few years with DAZL and how close we had all become during our rookie days. If it hadn't been for DAZL, becoming a K-pop star would have only been a dream, but with determination we had achieved everything I had hoped for. We were being called global stars and the truth of those words were easy to see as we sold out venue after venue whenever we held a concert, no matter how big.

My fellow DAZL members had been the family that I had looked to during our difficult debut and the years following our rise to fame. Like brothers, we had in equal parts fought and cared about each other, putting our group and our success first above everything else. But recently more than ever before, I had begun to wish that I had someone else to share all my achievements with. As I walked through the halls of the Mercury building, I thought of my grandmother who had only been gone for a year. While I'd had my halmoni around, I had lavished her with a new apartment, gifts and anything else she'd desired. The older I had become, the closer I had been to halmoni, to the point where I sometimes felt more for her than my own parents.

I hadn't done it on purpose, but the fact that she had practically raised me on her own, supported me when my parents didn't and made sure that I followed my dreams, had had a drastic effect on my life. And when there were hard days like today, I would find myself reaching for my phone to call her only to remember that she wouldn't be there to pick up. The thought of it burned more than a little and I longed for the day when I would have someone who would care for me. I wanted more than the mercurial love given by fans, I wanted the passion and romance that only true love could inspire. I wondered when I would ever have something so beautiful.

Walking out of the Mercury building to the company carport, I sighed again and adjusted the Gucci bag I carried over one shoulder, trying to stop the thick strap from cutting into my neck. The bustle of Gangnam filled my ears only briefly as I sat myself within my Audi R8 and let out a pent-up sigh; I had finally finished my last schedule of the day but I still had a lot of work left to do once I got home. The car purred to life as I started it and I enjoyed the sound. I had bought the car for myself as a bonus, something to make up for the long hours of dance practice and singing lessons I'd gone through because of DAZL's latest tour in Japan. As I started the drive home, I thought about my teammates and the struggles we had gone through together. The five of us hadn't been older than eighteen when we'd been thrust into the entertainment industry and without the long training time of most of the other groups, we had been almost totally unprepared to deal when we had a meteoric rise to fame.

While I had never regretted my decision, I wished I had been able to experience more of life. I had been to so many places around the world but had yet to truly experience any of them. Even my travels with the group or separately were usually televised, so I couldn't behave like I wanted to or even spend time with my friends who weren't in the entertainment industry. Now that most of the DAZL members and I lived with our parents or in our own homes, I was experiencing the loneliness that inevitably came from living alone. Growing up together like we had in the dorm, all five of our members had shared the small two-room apartment with our manager and I had often longed for my own space. Now that I had my own place apart from the group however, I found it all terribly empty.

As I pulled up to my apartment building, I paused to look at myself in the car's rearview mirror, conscious of the fact that there might be reporters outside of my building, wanting to talk about my newest drama. I had dyed my eyebrows along with my hair back to black from the multicolored green and blue they had been for DAZL's album comeback. I had asked my hair stylist for an undercut, while the top of my hair remained long enough to fall into my face in bangs. I thought that it gave my visual a definite air of masculinity that my face frankly lacked. If I had to be honest with myself, I could acknowledge the fact that some of my features were somewhat feminine in nature. I had a high nose with full lips and a pale complexion that I worked hard to keep free of blemishes. But more than my face, my obsession with fashion had caused more than one confusing situation in regards to whether I was straight or not.

Fashion had always been soothing to me and as DAZL had grown in popularity and Mercury had allowed us some liberties, I had begun to design some of the stage outfits we wore, making sure my choices reflected the personalities of my fellow members. My own fashion sense tended toward shorts, platform sneakers and overlarge jackets. Color was also always welcome, so I called my style eclectic at best. Most people took one look at me and thought I was gay, however that was far from the truth. In reality, I had always been into girls, maybe even more than the other guys in DAZL knew. There had been plenty of times when I had used my love of fashion to build relationships with the coordi-noonas who oversaw our wardrobe. In fact, my first kiss had been with a stylist and my first secret relationship had lasted over two years with my personal fashion coordinator. I couldn't stop the smirk that came to my lips at the thought of those romantic trysts, but soon it turned into a frown. None of the relationships had lasted simply because I was in the public eye. No one wanted to be with me if they were afraid of being mobbed in the street while going out on a date.

Finally stepping out of the car, I was relieved to see that no one was waiting to talk to me. After walking inside and greeting my doorman, I took the elevator up to my apartments uppermost floors. As I unlocked my door, I heard a scrambling noise from within and as I stepped inside, two small dogs ran up to me, licking my face and barking happily.

"Annyeong, my babies! Did you miss Appa?"

I rubbed the dogs eagerly and they welcomed me, their wet kisses raining down on my face and easing some of the ache that resided in my heart. Fred and Ginger were a source of happiness for me and I spoiled them rotten whenever I could. But even their love couldn't replace my loneliness and as I rested on the couch I thought of a person whom I might share my life with.

"How about it guys? Wouldn't you love a new Eomma?"