~Chapter 4~

" Miss Heath? " I heard a voice call out.

Yes?" I asked as she gained my attention.

" You may go in now" Belinda { The secretary} informed me. I was too busy with my phone to notice, that it was finally time.

" Oh thank you" I picked up my bag and gathered up the courage. Two voices in my head were battling for dominance at the moment. The loud one telling me to cower in fear and drive myself home with my dignity intact. And the silent whisper saying I should not be a chicken and do what I must. At this point, that loud voice was getting the upper hand.

" Miss Heath," she noticed my discomfort and interrupted my train of thoughts.

I hadn't realized how weird I looked, frozen on the spot while battling with some said voices in my head. I managed to smile which turned out to be part grimace and a part smile.

" Mmmm?"

" Is there a problem?" Belinda asked because she was trying to be professional. I could tell she felt uncomfortable.

" Ummm No, everything is fine" I walked to the door that I told belongs to Mr. Andrew and knocked lightly.

" Come in," The person on the other side said.

" It will be fine" An inaudible voice whispered slowly. I stepped in and closed the door behind me.

" Good afternoon, please take a seat" He was standing and gesturing for me to sit. 'How polite' I thought to myself.

" Thank you" I sat and relaxed my shoulders. So this was it, I really convinced myself to come here. I just don't know how to feel, or if I'm ready to open up. Reliving those memories seemed almost impossible. I had pushed it to the back of my mind for so long that I don't know if I should dig it up. I was engrossed in listening to my unconscious speaking that I didn't hear what Mr. Andrew was saying.

" Oh sorry, were you saying something?" My face was red and I tried to avoid his eyes feeling embarrassed.

" Miss Heath, I presume?"

" Yes, Miss Heath. You can just call me Ann, or Annie, some people call me An. Although I find that weird. But my first name already sounds informal. My sister is hell-bent on calling me little Ann. I wouldn't like it if you did that, I would feel like a child...." It took few seconds, for me to realize that I was talking to myself rather than Mr. Andrew. He was staring at me, as though what I was saying sounded interesting. While I sat here rambling about my name.

" Sorry, I hadn't realized I was rambling to myself" Feeling more embarrassed, I looked down at my laps. Playing with my fingers folded on my thighs, allowing the blush to creep onto my face.

He chuckled lightly and simply said " It's fine, there's no need to apologize. At least, I know your preferences now."

I reluctantly curved my lips into a smile. Sinking into my seat, I felt the room become bigger.

" Well, I'm Mr. Andrew. Basically what everyone around here calls me." I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood but I was still busy mentally scolding myself.

" Nice to meet you" I guess he doesn't like to be called by his first name. I could understand from his point of view, it's best to remain professional.

" Well Annie, what prompted you to seek therapy now?" Bringing out a notebook he flipped through some pages, holding a pen.

" I had a nightmare" Clearing my throat, I blurted out. Was I supposed to go into the details?

' Isn't that the point of therapy, talking ?' An inner voice asked. My previous question was answered, when Mr. Andrew spoke next.

" A nightmare? Would you mind telling me what your nightmare was about? That is if you are comfortable " His eyes were filled with hope, silently urging me to continue.

" Ok. My baby was taken away from me. He didn't do anything wrong, the poor child only cried. That's a normal thing right ?" I asked not talking to anyone in particular. Catching my breath, I continued

" It was probably a fever or something. Alex punished him and took him away from me. I carried him for 9 months, I couldn't do anything to stop him. He got away with it just like he always does. I... I couldn't protect him" Tears were streaming down my face by the time I was done. This is exactly what I tried to avoid, reliving memories isn't good for me. This wasn't good for me, I didn't want to share my feelings with a stranger who had the right to judge me. It only helped me to remember I weak I am. I can't defend myself, not even in a nightmare! I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth. That didn't seem to stop me from crying so I pinched the bridge of my nose. Wiping my face, I finally looked up at him to see his reaction. He just sat there, blank face, no reaction whatsoever. Hmmm..... poker face? He scribbled for a while before speaking.

" Do you want to continue talking about it ?" his voice laced with concern.

I shook my head. Talking about that dream made me nauseous. Uncomfortable was nowhere close to what I was feeling now. I wanted to jump out the window and never look back. Snuggle on my bed and watch Netflix, where I cannot be disturbed.

" Ok, how about we talk about your family? Any siblings?"

Yes, yes I can talk about this.

" I have a sister Joanne. She's older than me, just 2 years. But calls me little.. I've said that before. She's the one who recommended this medical clinic in the first place dropped your card and I thought to call after..."

I trailed off and he nodded encouraging me to continue.

" My parents adopted a boy, Josh. After he turned 18 he went to New York for college.. We didn't hear any word from him after that. From what my parents found out, Josh got to New York but never to college. They were devastated but we hope he's fine. My parents live in Colorado. I grew up there but moved up to California recently. Jojo went to college here. I have a niece, Iris. Joanne had her for her fiancé Ray. I just got divorced... Ummmm that's about it about my family."

" That's nice." He stated and jotted down. It was like I was an experiment. I didn't like the feeling, I didn't want to be studied and become a theory.