Chapter two

"Belle, your brother and I talked about it and after what happened yesterday, we made a decision ..."

My mother says sitting down at the kitchen table.

It's already been a month since I first set foot at Columbia and so far it's been okay I would say, Cora and Cass have been really nice and nice, and I'm really grateful they never asked any questions about it. To my eating habits, I was able to open up a bit with them, Cora and I have courses together and therefore we often talk about what happens in those hours, and about Mike, her boyfriend who promised me to be a partner. Cass showed me some of her photos and let me try his beloved Canon EOS 250D, they tried a couple of times to convince me to go with them to some other party, but I always promptly refused.

I don't want to be among drunk people who rub against you in a perfectly uncoordinated way compared to the music, the very thought makes my skin crawl.

This morning my mother wanted the three of us to meet for breakfast, which is quite unusual since she is usually at work by this time of the morning. She works for a cosmetics company and sometimes brings home some of those with some manufacturing defects, for example with the label printed backwards. I still don't understand why they don't sell them anyway, the product inside is perfectly new and intact, I would buy them even if they had the label upside down.

But people certainly don't like the "factory defect" and would certainly go in search of that same product but with the label printed correctly, ignoring the fact that inside the one with the reverse label is exactly the same as the one with correct printing and ...

"Good morning love, how are you feeling today?"

My mother interrupts the flow of that twisted and senseless reasoning that my mind was doing on its own.

That question. That question again.

"Like yesterday mum, I'm fine."

But the truth is that I am neither good nor bad, I have been putting fake smiles on my face for three years and I offer pre-made phrases so that the people dear to me do not worry about me, but I simply do not feel anything anymore. I listen to her repeat her speech again on the importance of loving others, but especially ourselves and things like that, she has never been too good with speeches, she does not know how to behave in these situations, but on the other hand, who would know?

But she and my brother have always been there for me and I appreciate how every time they try to find the right words, but still don't understand that what is turning me on is not something I can control, I'm not playing. It is not my choice, it has not been for a long time

"Belle ... Did you hear me?"

I flinch at the uncertain sound of her voice

"W-what? Sorry I was...I was thinking"

She sighs and repeats

"Your brother and I believe that you need to be followed day and night ..."

Whitening. The heartbeat accelerates sharply.

"You mean... You mean a clinic? A prison for psychopaths? Is that what you want for me mom?"

I growl furious with rage, of course, they want to get rid of me, I'm a burden, I can't even eat anymore if I'm not obliged, I'd just be an extra burden they have to take care of

"Belle you know it's not like that, mom and I just want to help you"

Kyle intervenes to her rescue, trying to calm me down

"I don't need a clinic, I can take care of myself, I have everything under control"

I bark with tears in my eyes. I get up making the chair fall to the ground. I have to get out of here, I need some air. I'm fine. I can take care of myself. I have everything under control.

These phrases echo in my head, they don't even leave me when I bend down at the entrance to put on my boots and grab my jacket.

I slam the front door behind me as I leave the building and start running without a precise destination.

I run at breakneck speed, I don't know where I'm going, I don't know who or what I'm running away from, I just know that I have to run. I can't feel the cold air on my face and that's what scares me, I don't feel anything anymore, it's like my body is numb. It is as if for three years now I had chosen to pause my life, I lived it by setting the autopilot, my body moved in a habitual way, I did the same things as always, I dated the same people, yet my head was somewhere else, lost in a world of its own, inaccessible even to myself.

Carried out on the main, passing the cafeteria where I work, I stop just for a second to catch my breath. It's amazing, it's the middle of January, it's minus six degrees outside, and yet I don't feel anything, I'm just wearing my red sweater, and a pair of jeans, but I'm not cold. My cell phone rings insistently, but I don't answer, I don't even look at who it is. I take a breath and resume running through the busy streets of Philadelphia, getting lost in them, I don't know exactly where I am, despite having grown up here, the wind blows hard, I feel my legs tingle, my vision fogs up, thousands of dots appear in front of me to the eyes and everything revolves around me, it seems that the lights of the street signs and signs are making fun of me, I see a silhouette coming towards me accelerating the pace more and more, I stagger in terror trying to get away, but I stumble on my steps and then everything goes black. I don't hear or see anything anymore and maybe, maybe it's better this way.

"Hey ... Hey can you hear me?"

The muffled sound of an unknown voice reaches my ears as I slowly regain consciousness

"W-what happened?"

I find the strength to ask in the meantime that my eyes get used to the light again, focusing on what surrounds me.

The first thing I see is a boy, the image is still slightly out of focus, but not enough to realize that he is too close and with a sudden jerk I pull back crushing myself on the sofa on which I am lying, I feel a stabbing pain in my head and alone now, looking around, I realize that I am in an apartment, or rather in a huge room.

The kitchen with the island in the center is joined to the living room consisting only of an old petrol-colored sofa, on which I am lying and a black armchair next to it, a coffee table is located in the center between the two on which there are numerous sheet music. I can also see the small wall bookcase next to a door that I think leads to the bathroom. The bedroom, consisting only of a huge bed at the moment unmade, is visible from where I am, as it is divided from the rest of the "house" only by a half-height wall

"Here, put this on, you took a good hit"

Dry suggests the guy in front of me handing me an ice bag. I grab him with trembling hands thanking him in fear

"W-what, what happened?"

I ask as the confused memories slowly return to their place

"You passed out, I couldn't get you in time and so you hit your head on the ground, I didn't know who you were, but I certainly couldn't leave you on the ground"

Explain as if it were an observation

"T-thanks, he must ... It must have been a low sugar"

He raises an eyebrow as if he doesn't believe what I just said, but it's only a moment because then his lips lift into a grin that shows a dimple on his right cheek.

Only now that I look at him better do I realize for the first time the beauty of this boy, he has thick brown hair, some rebellious locks fall on his forehead, two caramel-colored eyes stand out on his face framed by thick dark lashes. The rosy lips are plump and slightly bent upwards for a fraction of a second show off the very white teeth, but it only lasts a moment, as it immediately becomes serious

"Well if you want you can use my phone, if you need to freshen up the bathroom is behind that door"

He says pointing to the door near the bookcase and thus confirming my earlier thoughts.

I get to my feet, but I must have done it too quickly as I fall back onto the leather sofa

"Hey look out ..."

He snaps to me, but I automatically press my body against the sofa, he must have noticed it as he pulls back with a frown, yet he doesn't ask questions and I'm grateful. Instead he turns and heads to the kitchen, shortly after returning with a sachet and a glass of water

"What's this?"

I ask taking what he hands me

"Mineral salts, you need them"

A little uncertain, I dissolve the sachet in water and drink it. I immediately feel my strength return and try to get up again, this time I am able to do so and recover my mobile phone which I only now notice is resting on the table

"I really don't know how to thank you, sorry for the trouble...Er..."

I stop uncertainly realizing that I don't know his name

"Cole...And don't worry, it wasn't a nuisance, but do me a favor, don't wander around these streets alone anymore, no nice people go around"

Whitening in an instant

"W-where ... W-where are we?"

"On Seventeen Street"

I nod, horrified to realize that I'm not very far from where it all started

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks again, seriously"

I turn around and open the door, but before going out I turn around

"Er...My name is Isabelle"