Chapter three

I'm walking the streets of Philadelphia, accelerating my pace to get there first, meanwhile the gears in my head keep turning. How could I have been so unconscious ... I had walked away from home without even knowing where I was going, I knew Philadelphia well, but there were neighborhoods that I never had to go near, I had experienced it on my own skin...If that boy wasn't there I probably would be...Enough Belle! It's all in your head!

I repeat myself mentally trying to rationalize what had just happened. I open the door of the house already mentally ready to put up with the sermon from my mother and my brother, but as soon as I cross the threshold I realize that there is no one in the living room, I go up the stairs to my room when I hear their voices discuss from behind the door of the small study at the end of the corridor. I don't even want to know what they're talking about this time, I walk into my room and close the door behind me. Quickly and without giving myself time to think, I take back the few things I had brought and throw them in bulk into the electric blue suitcase I arrived with.

After less than ten minutes I'm already out of the house headed for the station. I haven't even said goodbye to my family, but I try not to think about it now, they wanted to lock me up in an asylum, that wasn't "wanting my good", it was "getting rid of a problem" and I...I'm not crazy, I don't need to be locked up in a clinic.

I'm fine.

Sitting on the train seat with earphones in my ears, I look out the window at the landscape that whizzes fast in front of my eyes, I really wish I could erase what happened, start from scratch. But I can't, I can't.

A myriad of thoughts crowd my head preventing me from relaxing, I keep telling myself that everything is fine, that no one can hurt me, that what happened could happen to anyone, I just had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the moment mistaken. Or at least that's what Dr. McCullen, the psychologist who treated me for the first few months immediately after it, always said. As these thoughts intertwine with each other in my confused mind, I can finally close my eyes and rest for a while.

Like reality, my dreams are also confused, yet there is a clear face in the fog of that dream, not just any face, but the face of that somewhat mysterious boy who saved me, I see him observing me with those her caramel eyes, her lavbras move as if she is trying to tell me something, but I don't feel anything ... She comes over and reaches out to brush my arm, suddenly I'm back there, back to the wall in that dead end and in front of me two hungry eyes look at me with a sinister light, I am trapped ... I wake up with a pounding in my ears and labored breathing, I put a hand to my chest trying to rationalize my fears, and then like a bolt from the blue the image of Cole's face comes back to my mind and I realize that if I'm here now it's thanks to him because it could have ended much worse if it had been someone else who found me lying on the ground. I erase those thoughts from my head, now I'm too tired to even think about this and I start reading a book while I wait to get to New York.

"Hey, why are you back already? Didn't you say you'd be spending the weekend with your parents?"

Cora is arranging some clothes she has just bought in the closet, folding them more or less "carefully". I haven't told her anything about my current situation so she, like everyone here, thinks I'm just a little shy girl trying to find her place in the world.

"Well ... Change of plans, my parents had to work and I didn't feel like staying home alone"

I invent with a lump in my throat at the memory of how things actually went.

"Well then since you're here you have to do me a huge favor"

I nod knowing already what she wants to ask me: she skipped Professor McCain's Friday class to go out with Mike, she probably needs her notes now...

"Here ... Tonight there is a party at Bret, a friend of Mike's, and he asked me not to accompany him, in short, he has been making excuses for two weeks so that he can go alone and I ... , I need to know if ... Oh my God I can't even say it, I need to know if he's cheating on me! "

She murmurs mumbling the last sentence as she tortures her hands

"Please Belle, just this once, I know you don't like parties and believe me, I would have asked Cass but she's in Boston with her parents"

I take a step back, blown away by her question which definitely has nothing to do with McCain. I can not do that.

"I-I...I'm sorry Cora, I ... I can't"

I say, continuing to slightly shake my head

"Please Belle, it's just a party ..."

She's begging and I, I can't see her like that. Before I can even think about it, I find myself nodding in agreement

"One"

I state

"The first and last"

She agrees exultantly.

"Sorry honey, but where do you think you're going dressed like that?"

I look at my clothes, wear a black turtleneck sweater and a pair of jeans, a necklace with some colored bead and my beloved Dr. Martens.

"What's wrong? What's wrong with me?"

I ask confused. I certainly can't afford the clothes that Cora is wearing right now: a fuchsia dress wraps her waist and then opens slightly at the hips going down softly just above the knee, it is tied behind the neck and has a sweetheart neckline that highlights her large breasts half hidden by a petrol-colored cardigan. All this is coordinated with a pair of black pumps with twelve heel that match the marked Smokey eyes. Okay, I feel a little uncomfortable, I'm not even wearing makeup.

"What's wrong with you? Honey, what's wrong with you?"

He chuckles rummaging through the colorful clothes in his part of the closet

"Keep, trying this"

She says designing me an electric blue dress that gives the idea of ​​completely wrapping the body and that barely covers the thighs

"No, we don't talk about it, I don't wear clothes, either like this or nothing"

I say chuckling, even though I am firmly determined not to wear it

"Oh well, at least let me put some makeup on you"

I sigh, spreading my arms and allowing her to do at least that. It ends up also arranging my hair by letting it fall loose on my back in long black curls, picking up just a few strands, stopping it at the nape of my neck with a glittery clip.

"Finished, tell me what you think"

He says taking me to the mirror. I look at myself without really seeing myself, but I still manage to notice that I am not the usual me, maybe it is that veil of mascara that highlights my green eyes or the cheeks slightly colored by the blush ... I don't know, but what I see , for the first time in a long time I don't mind. She adds a thin layer of strawberry lip gloss and then we go out. I take a deep breath and walk through that door trying to control the tremor in my legs.

"Thank you, Belle"

Cora murmurs as we cross the threshold of the already packed house. The music is pumping very loudly, the strobe lights confuse the thousand faces I see around me, Cora takes me by the hand and I cling to it with all the strength I have

"Stand by Me"

She yells in my ear to overpower the music, shoves people left and right, pushing her way through the people half of whom are already drunk

"There she is"

She yells at me pointing at Mike who is talking to a guy I can't see well because he's turned away. The latter hands Mike a sachet containing some white powder and in a moment I understand what it is. Cora snaps like a spring and at a marching pace reaches him, dragging me with her

"MIKE ... What do you think you're doing? Can you explain it to me? I-I ... I've been staying in my room for days hoping you're not cheating on me and I find that you are doing it instead? But at least ... Fuck, I thought you were different..."

She screams with tears in her eyes, he looks at her mortified without saying a word. I understand her, she thought she could trust him and instead Mike was not who she thought she knew. The boy in front of him is still from behind

"W-what about you? You give it to him like this, let him ruin his life? For how long? HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT FOR A GRAM OF THAT STUFF?"

She screams out of himself at the boy from behind who only at that moment turns to look at her.

The world stops.

I no longer hear anything, only a deafening beep in my ears, I feel like I have sand in my mouth.