Chapter ten

We are already on Thursday. The day after tomorrow Kyle will come to get me and I really don't know what to do, I feel trapped, it seems that for every step I take forward he takes two steps back.

Cora is in front of the mirror, despite the indomitable mass of red curls I see in the reflection that the black kajal is being made. This morning he decided that we were going shopping in the afternoon and this time I couldn't resist. After what happened with Mike she stayed in bed pretending to be ill for two days, the third, that is yesterday, Cass and I were forced to literally drag her out of the sheets, unable to see her in that state anymore and now she got it into her head that she has to go buy some new clothes. I think it's his way to move forward and leave the past behind, to overcome the breakup. Although I'm starting to think that she actually has some kind of obsessive-compulsive shopping problem: she basically ended up using her desk drawers for the amount of clothes she buys and puts on once, maybe twice.

"Ready!"

I reluctantly get out of bed and put on amphibians.

"Oh...Sooner or later we'll have to change those things. How about a couple of Stansmiths?"

I wrinkle my nose at the thought of having to get rid of my beloved Dr. Martens, what's their problem? They are the most versatile shoes in the world! They shelter you in case of rain, snow or if there is slush on the ground; they are practically indestructible and are as suitable for winding streets as they are in the city and they also look good with both skirts and pants, not that the latter is a big problem since I wear practically only jeans. The fact remains that they are perfect as footwear.

"We don't talk about it, I'm sorry but these boots will come with me everywhere"

An unshakable sentiment, when I bought them two years ago, I remember wearing them and immediately feeling like another person, of course, it was still me, but they made me feel more confident, I still remember my mother's expression when he saw me go home with those ... The same one that Cora has on her face right now.

I giggle when he asks me why I am suddenly amused

"You look just like my mother, she too made the same face when I entered the house for the first time with these"

I laugh pointing to my amphibians. She looks at me with a surprised expression on her face.

"You never told me about your family, Belle ..."

I shrug as I leave the room preceded by her and close the door behind me.

"There isn't much to say. It's me, my mother and my brother ... My father left us a long time ago."

I say pretending nonchalance, which costs me a lot of effort, I didn't want to base my new relationships on lying, but it looks like she will be my partner for the rest of my life.

"Oh ... I'm so sorry, I didn't want to ..."

He mumbles in an attempt at an apology, we see he's embarrassed.

"Don't worry, it's been a long time now"

She nods and remains silent for a few seconds, then seems to have an enlightenment

"Did you say you have a brother?"

I nod absentmindedly lost in thoughts about my father recalled by Cora's words, I raise my arm to hail a taxi, while I see Cass in the distance coming towards us.

"Yes, Kyle. He's twenty-two."

I see her frowning and then asking again

"Why didn't he choose the same school as you? Usually brothers and sisters go to the same school...Besides, Columbia offers a lot of different paths..."

Reminds me. I can't tell him he was forced to go to a state university close to home as we were having money problems and he had to help my mother. So I tell her that Kyle goes to a university in another city, as he got a scholarship. I lie. Again.

We get into the taxi once Cass has joined us

"Sorry I'm late girls. I was on the phone with my mother and she wouldn't leave me anymore"

Cass is a bit out of breath. She wears skinny sky blue jeans with ripped knees paired with white Converse high tops and a soft camel-colored trench coat.

Cora smiles, telling her that we weren't in a hurry anyway, then pays the taxi driver, a man with a long face and short salt and pepper hair, with a pair of black mask sunglasses to cover his eyes, who starts drifting away.

In a moment we are in front of the entrance to the shopping center and Cora begins to drag us around the various shops while our arms are filled with bags and bags full of clothes, belts, shoes, hats and an impressive amount of bags. We go into American Eagle, Victoria's secret and at least ten other stores where I obviously don't buy anything. When we arrive at Brandy & Melville Cora begins to try on a thousand different dresses, while I run my gaze on all those colored dresses that I would like, one day, to be able to afford to wear.

"Belle? ... What do you think? It fits wide on my hips, right?"

Cora asks, tearing me from my thoughts. She wears a powder pink satin dress tied under the bust with a thin sequin band and continues to stretch the fabric at the waist

"No way, what are you saying ?! It fits you perfectly!"

I walk over and pull the fabric flaps around her waist behind her back to show her how I feel.

"If you hold it then it will lose its charm, see?"

I point out and release the fabric of the dress. She does two pirouettes on herself trying to see how he is behind her too, then nods with conviction

"Do you know that you are right ?! Maybe this is better ... You are incredible Belle!"

She giggles and I smile shrugging my shoulders, I move a little just to see a beautiful light blue dress completely in lace. I would like one day to be able to wear a dress like that, a dress that my body allows me to wear. Instinctively I think of Cole, I wonder who knows what he would look like if he saw me wearing one of those?

I imagine her face breaking into a smile, one of those showing off her dimple on her left cheek, her eyes sparkling, as she feeds me one of her naughty jokes...

I don't realize I'm smiling until it's Cass, who has now come out of the dressing room, to make me notice, I shake my head as if it were nothing important, but she obviously doesn't believe me because she looks first at me and then at the mannequin wearing the dress I was admiring.

"You should try it"

She suggests with a sweet smile and I again shake my head a little reluctantly at the idea.

"Nah...It wouldn't fit me."

She shrugs her shoulders now almost completely resigned knowing that in terms of clothing I am adamant.

Her attention returns to focus on Cora who again asks for an opinion. Now wearing a full bodice, the bodice is fully lace with a sweetheart neckline and long sleeves. The trousers, which fall softly on the legs, highlight the right points. It is entirely black except for the salmon-colored waistband. It is a show and for a moment I almost envy his lean and toned body, not skeletal like mine.

"You are fantastic!"

I tell you honestly, she giggles shaking her head.

"Oh shut up...Cass, what are you saying?"

Asks insecure looking at her. She watches him with her doe eyes and only nods as she taps her forefinger on her chin and then adds

"It would take a pair of salmon-colored pumps ... To match the band and then you are perfect!"

Cora smiles satisfied and then does a pirouette and closes herself in the dressing room.

When we leave the mall it is already after six in the evening

"Wow this was a day of wild shopping"

Cass says with a satisfied sigh as soon as we enter the Campus.

"That's true, even if Belle...You just took a sweater and, let me tell you honey, the sweaters are over..."

She reminds me of Cora with a sigh, she looks at me as if I were a fashion basket case and I think that's really how it is.

In any case, the sweater I bought does not mind me, it is electric blue with a high collar and the polisini are the lace as well as the edge of the sweater.

We say goodbye to Cass and meet in the canteen, I can't skip it tonight; then we enter the room. Cora throws all the bags on the bed enjoying a loud snort from me

"Look, I tidied everything up before leaving"

She mumbles an excuse as she kicks off her shoes and throws herself on my bed and starts messing around on Instagram.

The evening passes quietly, in the canteen I only eat a portion of salad, but I am still proud of myself for being able to swallow it all without feeling the need to put it back.

Now we are in the room, Cass wanted to stay with us a little longer because she was talking about a strange guy who kept staring in the subway two days ago. I am sitting on the chest with my knees to my chest wrapped in my arms, Cora instead is spread on her stomach on her bed while she plays with her carrot curls

"The point ... is that after the third time I turned around and caught him staring at me I asked him if he needed anything, I know it was a risky move, but that didn't stop and then I was with Thomas so I had shoulders covered ... "

Cass pauses to catch her breath, is playing on my bed and hopping as she talks. Thomas is her cousin, a big boy six feet tall with eighty-seven pounds of muscle, he boxing according to Cass, I only met him once since I've been here and it happened when he came to pick her up for a medical examination two weeks ago.

Cass lives with her father, his parents are separated. We are similar in this respect, except that she still has excellent relations with her mother, they often spend the weekend together and go to the Spa or to some shopping center. According to what she says, it seems that this separation, which took place when she was very small, is quite comfortable for her, when she wants something, but her father does not want to please her, she just needs to ask her mother.

I admit that when she told me it seemed quite subtle, a bit manipulative as it relied on her mother's guilt for abandoning her. Anyway, Cass's father is often on a business trip and so Thomas, her cousin and neighbor, takes care of roaming her from place to place, he's only four years older than us, but he already looks like a grown adult and finished.

"Well at that point the weird guy went all red and mumbled words in a language I didn't know, then he turned away and started writing something on his cell phone...You should have seen his face!"

She concludes laughing coarsely as she rolls on my bed and we both laugh, infected by her amusement. It's always like that with them, you never get bored and they always have a word, a way to make you feel better, they manage to get you a smile even on the darkest day...I think for the first time I have found people I can trust.