Chapter One: The Backstory

True love doesn't exist. Whatever anyone tells you is a lie. Finding the "perfect" person is impossible. Love isn't real, and having someone love you as much as you love them never happens, only in stupid romantic movies and books, even the ones that start out bitter and telling a truth or even shedding reality into the situation, those always end up with you in tears and you leave the theater hopeful that something like that exists. But I'm here to tell you that it doesn't exist.

To know what happened and how I became so bitter, I need to take you to the very beginning of it all. The scene is Anchorage, Alaska. I was a freshman in high school I was a 5'6 and fourteen. I had freshly stepped into the school not even two days ago and I was already getting made fun of and picked on because I wasn't a girl who cared about her looks or about boys, surprise I like girls more than guys, I was also more masculine. I fit in with the guys more than I did the girls. Every girl thought I had a crush on her so when I was in P.E. I was a creep and dike. I did however have a crush on one girl in my P.E. class who was actually nice to me and always had me play on her team. Her name was Kaliah and she was a cheerleader, so no doubt she was liked and popular. She had guys lining up around the block and needless to say I was also in line, but not for the same reason the guys were. I wanted to get to know her, befriend her, and even date her, and cherish her. But I had no idea how to approach her, until one day in class we were doing our warm up exercises and she looks at me and asks,

"Where do you sit at lunch? I'm only asking because I never see you in the lunchroom."

I was so caught off guard at the question that during my mountain climber exercises my foot slipped and I smacked my face on the ground. It didn't injure me but it didn't hurt because the only thing that I could think about was the fact that she looks for me in the lunch room and she wants to know where I have lunch.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?!" she rushed over, rolling me over and putting my head in her lap.

"I eat lunch in the library," I smile and look up at her.

She just chuckles and smiles back down at me,"What's your name?"

"Jo MacQuoid."

"That's a cute name," she gently strokes my forehead then looks me back in my eyes, "Are you ok, though? Did you hurt yourself?"

"Nope, not at all. I eat lunch in the library by the way," I smile up at her.

I later had to go to the nurse because I did hurt myself and my head hurt a lot. I just wanted to look cool in front of Kaliah, the hottest girl ever. Anyone would've done it just to make themselves look cool and tough. After that day I saw her in the library everyday for lunch, she would sometimes come and eat with me or she would say hi and get a new book. Just that small gesture made me fall in love with her. Over the next few weeks we talked and I slowly opened up more. She made me feel like I belonged and most importantly she made me feel loved and wanted.

I don't talk about my parents because I don't have a good relationship with them yet she got me to talk about them and I even personally came out to her as someone who likes girls and guys and turns out she was just like me. Telling each other secrets and always hanging out led us to being closer than I expected. It was the best time of my life until junior year of high school. My grandpa died. He was the only person in my life besides, Kaliah, that accepted me and loved me for who I truly was. He left me his cabin that he lived in, it was nestled deep in the woods. My parents decided it would be best to send me off into the woods and live in the cabin because I guess they were tired of me. They told me it would be best if I got in touch with nature and spent time somewhere far away from the city. But I knew what they really meant. I had told them about Kaliah when I met her and how much I liked her then months later I told them we were dating and this made them pull even further away from me. At least we had a place to be alone.

Now fast forward four years later, it's junior year in college. We never left Anchorage. We're still together, Kaliah and I, but things have gotten rocky since sophomore year of college. She's gotten a little closed off from me since I don't like change and I've always been a closed off person and she wants me to do things that are so out of my comfort zone. I don't mean to turn her down all the time but I'm just not comfortable with going out to frat parties or talking to the jocks considering that one of them already makes my life a living hell. His name is Jared Reeves and he plays hockey. He's a pure asshole and pretty much the biggest cliche ever. First of all, he likes to bully women who are clearly getting laid more than him, in a consensual way. Not saying that he's done anything without consent just saying he fits the profile. Anyway, he has, like, an obsession with Kaliah. The only thing she has told him is that she has a girlfriend, but hasn't specified who, not that anyone knows who I am anyway. I'm a literature major which is very low on the 'popular' scale while a history major, Kaliah, is very high up there for some reason. I'm not upset that she's popular, I'm just worried about the guys that she hangs around with and how they act around her. She just seems happier with them more than she does with me now. I guess love has faded, but I don't know what I would do if she stopped loving me.

.....

𝑶𝒌 𝒊𝒎 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒑𝒑 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒐

𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒅𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒐 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔:

𝑩𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝑴𝒚 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒃𝒚 𝑫𝒖𝒂 𝑳𝒊𝒑𝒂

𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚