Chapter Two : Saying Yes

chapter song : Let Me Down by Oliver Tree

So the bullshit starts anew. It's Tuesday and I have class from 9:00AM to 12:00AM but I have to get up about an hour before I have to leave since I live a little while away. I really don't get up to get dressed. I wear a hoodie and jeans, brush my hair and teeth which I make a mental note that I have to get a haircut soon. I keep my hair short because it's better. In the gay community I'm what's seen as a stud. I just don't feel comfortable wearing "girls" clothes or makeup. In Highschool I sticked with guys, I wasn't sporty, just a nerd but we did play basketball at one of the dudes houses 'cause he has a basketball hoop in his drive way but none-the-less we talked about video games, what we would do in an apocalypse situation, and what alien species from Star Wars we would fuck. Because I liked girls we were all comfortable talking about them in front of each other. I miss them, I don't know where they are now. I have no one in college except Kaliah and even now she's been a little distant, hanging with the Hockey guys more and more.

Leaving my beloved home, I pop in my headphones and hop on my bike, beginning my very long and thoughtful journey to class. It's very cold in Alaska so it makes the bike ride more enjoyable. I love the cold, and I love snow even more. It's really an excuse to wear more hoodies and drink hot coco 24/7 since I'm not a coffee gal. I love how silent it is on my bike rides when I don't have music in my ears. It's the symbol of pure peace. My life isn't chaotic at all. The most dramatic thing that happened to me in highschool was my parents sending me to the cabin my grandpa left me, they weren't too happy about my coming out either but it wasn't ike they were yelling at me and called me a disappointment which I'm happy about but we don't talk much, they only send me some money here and there but the rest of my income is from my job at a book store, their money pays for debts even though they're already paying my tuition. My job covers other expenses. Not like I have rent, that's already been covered. I just pay for stuff for the house and lunch for me and Kaliah everyday at school. The weekends have become a mystery to me now. We used to spend all of our weekends together but college changed that and it changed it fast. The party life pulled her in, her new friends and of course the hockey guys who do nothing but stare at her like every other girl they want to fuck. I'm not fullying blaming her. I clearly hate parties and other people plus the dickheads she hangs out with. The give me are constantly giving me dirty looks and insulting me because I don't act or look like a "girl."

I'm aware that I drift between topics, but I'm nervous. I'm always nervous and I don't know how to have a conversation. I've gotten more awkward over the years and quiet. I don't have anyone to talk to and the person I do have is barely there, but I'm not ging to stop her fun and happiness because I'm alone. And I know what you're thinking, "But you're a loner aren't you?" Yes I am, but remember, even a loner needs someone sometimes.

Well that ride was depressing. I find the bike rack and lock my bike up. Taking my phone out of my pocket I check the time and see that i arrived early, but I still walk in the direction of my class and finding the bench I go to when I am early. Sitting down I take a deep breath in and exhale out. Feeling a tap on my shoulder I open my eyes and take my earbuds out. It's Kaliah.

"Hey," I give her a small smile as she sits down next to me.

"Hey you, how was your night?"

I know that tone, she wants something, "Good, yours?"

"It was good, didn't stay out too late since it was a Monday night."

"Yup," I reply awkwardly. See, I don't know how to have a normal conversation but thankfully shes the outgoing one and does majority of the talking.

"So, I want to put something on the table. You don't have to say yes nor do you have to give me an answer," she smiles and I can tell that whatever it is she really wants it, just by her tone.

"What is it?" I'd do anything to get her to come back to me and make her happy.

"I think we should try an open relationship. We get to know other people then we come back to each other. It would really be nothing but sex, no real realtionships, just us."

An open relationship? Is she serious? Does she know who I am? I don't talk to any girls other than her, nor do I look at any other girls. She was my first and I've always hopped she'd be my last but she obviously doesn't feel the same. But this is something she really wants and I can see it in her eyes.

"Say something, please."

"Can I just ask, why?"

"Oh, well, I've seen some great numbers that in most relationships it works, weather it's a permanent thing or temporary. It strengthens the couples bond and they develop a better appreciation and understanding of their partner even if it is with another person."

She's very convincing, plus she obviously did her research. She knows just as well as I do that this relationship is weakening and we need something to return it to its original state. I slowly begin to nod my head.

"So, what do you say?"

"Thought I didn't have to say anything." I chuckle slightly.

She smiles, "You know what I mean."

"Well, if you think it'll bring us closer together then sure. Why not give it a try."

"Really!?"

"Yeah, sure. Anything to make you happy."

"But I want you to be happy too. I want you to do it too and be apart of this."

"I can try."

"Do or do not, there is no try."

"Did you just use a Yoda quote?" I look at her and laugh.

"Yeah, because that's the best way I can get you to listen to me." She lays her head on my shoulder, hooking her arm in mine.

I rest my head against hers, "You're right, and you know I hate it when you're right."

"I know, and I love being right."

I chuckle and look at the time, "My class is starting now, I'll see you at lunch time."

"Of course," She leans up and plants a kiss on my cheek then gets up and walks away.

I sigh. What have I gotten myself into? I just said yes to the unknown and probably something that's gonna end up with us hurt in the end. I don't know where this is gonna take us, but I hope that she's right and that it'll fix our relationship. I'm desperate to keep her happy while staying in my comfort zone even though what I just said yes to is way out of my comfort zone, we need some form of glue to keep our relationship strong.

Getting up with a loud sigh and a heavy heart I walk to rest of the way to my class and enter, taking my seat and temporarily forgetting about the whole conversation for just a couple of hours.

...

To whoever is reading this

Thank you 

love, Boat