Finally visiting

The weekend has arrived and that meant that Akira had no school today. Normally, Akira would go for a morning job, no matter what sort of day it was, but because he needed to recover, he had to go the next couple days without any physical activity. This essentially meant that he had nothing to do all day.

There were not any chores he needed to do either. The fridge was filled, he cleaned the house a few days ago, and the laundry was done the day before. He didn't have any hobbies either and even if he did, they were things like playing tennis or volleyball, both things he couldn't do.

After finishing his breakfast, Akira was mindlessly watching TV, deciding what to do in his mind. After weighing his options, he sighed.

Akira: "...It looks like I don't have an excuse anymore."

With all the other things he normally does either already done or not possible, Akira was left with one thing that he has been pushing back since he arrived in Japan.

Getting up from his couch, he went to get changed into more formal wear and put on a suit and tie. After changing he left the house and headed for the train station. On the way there, he also went to the market to buy a few things. Among them were some flowers and a few boxes of takoyaki, which he made sure to package in a heat-sealing bag.

Akira: 'Hopefully, they'll still be warm when I get there.'

At the station, he bought a ticket to one of the districts in Nagano, a prefecture further inland. His appearance in the train attracted a lot of attention. People were whispering about him, but Akira wasn't paying attention to them. He already had a lot on his mind than to care about what other people were saying about him. He closed his eyes and quietly waited for the train to reach his destination.

After a couple seconds, the sounds Akira could hear were drowning out. All he could think about was where he was going. His nerves were high.

He didn't know how much time had passed, but when the train conductor announced the next stop, his stop, Akira snapped out of it. He got up from his seat and prepared to hop off the train.

He left the train station and walked to a specific location about a mile away. Nagano was a prefecture in the mountains so he had to hike uphill to get to where he wanted to go.

After a couple minutes he finally reached his destination and was face-to-face against the entrance. He took a second to take out a worn piece of paper and compared it with the place's name.

Akira: '...Yup. This is the place.'

And with a heavy heart, Akira took his first steps into the place, a cemetery.

Akira was going to visit the Hayaba grave for the first time.

Before he came to Japan, he had always been meaning to visit as soon as possible, but he always got cold feet. This is because the 'real' Hayaba Akira died with his parents in the crash. Except for the body he houses, there is no real excuse for him to carry the Hayaba name.

Furthermore, deep down, Akira, one way or another, believes that he is somehow related in the death of his body's original owner and maybe his 'parents' too. He hasn't been contacted by God since he first arrived into this universe and although the information God gave him then would say otherwise, there was no way to confirm what God had stated was true. Akira knew that God probably would not kill a family just for his transmigration, the fact that the possibility exists, no matter how miniscule, it still weighed him down.

In his previous life, Akira was a family guy. Before his own health and his wants, he always put family first and did all he could to support his them. This did not change with his new life and he refused to put his friends and family after anything.

Therefore, the thought that he might've been the cause for the Hayaba's family early grave, no matter how incredibly unlikely, was enough to hurt his spirit. God did mistakenly kill him, so the chance that he did another because of his wish was not out of the realm of possibility. What right did someone who may have caused of their and their son's death deserve to see them beyond the grave.

All these thoughts kept haunting Akira and that is why he always make up an excuse for not visiting: He needed to train, he had chores to do, he had to prepare for tomorrow, he didn't have the time. All of these were just excuses that he gave and these excuses weighed him down even further.

He had done a good job in disguising it and playing sports provided temporary relief, but Akira was waist-high in despair. All that time he put off going to visit was taking over his mind. He can sense it. If things were to continue, in the near future, he would be forever mentally crippled.

Guilt is something that can only be resolved by the person feeling it. However, because it is guilt, it is unresolvable. Guilt shall always exist in everyone as long as there is life.

This was loop that Akira was drowning in unless he decides to change.

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Going through the rows of tombstones, he finally found the one he was looking for, the Hayaba family grave. He stood there for a moment, just looking at the grave. Akira was the last person to carry the Hayaba bloodline so the tombstone's inscription was a bit faded.

He then proceeded to clean the grave. Using the local water and towel he bought, Akira made sure that every inch of it was properly cleaned, scrubbing and wiping off all the dirt and dust.

After doing that, he went on place offerings: the flowers and takoyaki he bought. Thankfully the food was still warm. He then lit an incense stick and then stuck it in the ash bowl in front of the grave. Clapping his hands together, Akira closed his eyes and prayed.

After he opened his eyes, it was time for Akira to now face his fears. He kneeled in front of the tombstone, not caring about dirtying his cloths.

Akira: "I'm sorry for taking this long to visit. I have no excuses."

He did a dogeza, his head touching the ground.

Akira: "As I am sure you can tell, I am not really your son... I'm sure that he is along side you up there and to him, I also apologize. I am certain I will never be able to repay this debt for this body. Although I was certain I had thought it through at the time, until it actually happened, I did not know the actual consequences of my wishes."

He did another dogeza.

Akira: "...If it is true that my actions have caused all of your early deaths, then my life would not be enough to express how sorry I am. I do not know what to do..."

He could find anyway to repay them. Even though he had finally visited them, he couldn't accomplish what he needed, which was a clear heart. This wasn't a sport, overcoming this mental and emotional gap was different from what he usually had to deal with.

???: "Can't find any words to say?"

Akira turned to his side in surprise. There stood an old gentleman that Akira did not know. He was dressed up like Akira was, but the way he held himself said a lot about his experiences. Akira stood up from his kneeling posture.

Old Man: "I'm sorry for interrupting you. It looked like you were lost."

Akira: "Ah. No. You're right... There was a chance that I had harmed this family and I finally came to express my apologies. I don't know if what I did really affected them or not, but the change that it is there weighs heavily upon me. I do not know what I can do to redeem myself, if I am still redeemable..."

Akira fell silent.

Old Man: "...I can understand how you feel... I was like that too when my wife passed away. Since she had left too early and all alone, I felt somehow responsible, like I had to do something to repay her."

Akira: "...Then can I ask how you dealt with that? My circumstances are different from yours, but at this point any advice would be helpful."

The old man sighed thinking about what he had to go through, how he felt after his wife died.

Old Man: "...In my case, time took care of a lot of it..."

He stared into Akira's eyes.

Old Man: "...But something tells me that it will not work for your problem. You seem to need a way now or else the weight you carry will overwhelm you."

Akira slowly nodded.

Old Man: "Then the only way I can think of is to speak your troubles to a family. Once you tell your troubles to another, knowing that they will support you during your lowest will lift some of that weight. It doesn't have to even be to your family, a close friend will be just as good. As long as you say it, you'll realize that everything will get better. They might even help you with what you are seeking."

Akira fell into thought. From the way the old man said it, that does seem like the fastest way to deal with his problem. However, he felt that he couldn't actually tell this to Rinko or Nanjiro. He didn't want his burdens to be a part of them.

Akira: '...But his way is the right way. Someone must hear my struggles in order to have a better grasp on my problem. Preferably, someone who has an inkling of what I'm going through.'

A light then struck him and he then looked to the old gentleman. The timing was perfect and he was the one who suggested it. He did feel bad about sharing his troubles with a stranger though.

Akira: "...If you do not mind, would you listen to my story?"

Old man: "Me!?"

Akira: "My problem is something I can't bring up to my family or any of my friend. I'm sorry for asking, but you seem to know a lot and are definitely more experienced. I wish to share it with you if it is no trouble."

He fell into his thoughts. Akira was just stared at the old man for a while before he eventually sighed.

Old man: "I guess I can, I'm the one who mentioned to you after all."

Akira was about to thank the man before he was stopped.

Old man: "However, I should inform you that I am a police officer. Since you have stated that you could have harmed this family, if I determine anywhere in your story that leads me to believe that it is in fact true, I shall immediately arrest and detain you for questioning. Is that clear?"

Akira was surprised to hear that the man was an officer, but that did not change his mind. If he was determined to be guilty by the man, prison was the least amount of punishment he could endure.

Akira nodded to the man, accepting his proposal.

And so they went to a nearby bench and Akira started explaining his story, about how his 'parents' died in an car accident, how he was taken in by their friend, how he grew up, and so on. He then told him that he somehow feels responsible for the accident, how he shouldn't be alive. He was told what had happened, but since he doesn't know/'remember' about what happened, his heart cannot feel at ease.

The old man was listening clearly for the entire duration of the story. He had his eyes closed and had them remain closed for a while after Akira was done.

Old man: "...That certainly is a... somewhat unique situation you are facing. Right now, I can at least tell you that I do not believe that you have committed any crime, but I can not think of a way to deal with your problem of you believing that you are somehow involved in you parents' accident."

Akira: "I know it might sound trivial to some people since this happened when I was very young, but it is serious to me."

Old man: "You don't have to explain that to me. Everyone has different things they care and worry about. Everyone has their own problems they have to deal with."

Akira: "...Is that so..."

Old man: "However, do you feel any better saying all of that out loud?"

Akira pressed his hand to his chest, where his heart was.

Akira: "...I do feel a bit better getting all that off my chest, but I don't think continuously saying it will solve my situation. I guess a solution is not going to come so easily."

The old man patted his shoulder.

Old man: "Hardly anything in life comes so easily. However, the things most worth doing are never like that. I wish I could have done more to help you."

Akira waved his hands.

Akira: "Please. You have done more than enough for someone that you have just met. And that reminds me, I haven't introduced myself yet. My name is Hayaba Akira."

He stretched out his arm and the gentleman did so in response.

Old man: "It is a pleasure to meat you Hayaba-kun. My name is Tezuka Kunikazu."

Akira: "...Tezuka?"

???: "There you are grandfather, we were looking everywhere for you. Mother and father were afraid something might have happened to you."

At that moment a child's voice rang out. Akira looked towards the voice's direction and saw three people walking towards him and the gentleman, a child with his mother and father.

Kunikazu: "Ah! Sorry for the worrying you. I was just talking to this young man and lost track of time. This is Akira Hayaba."

He turned towards Akira.

Kunikazu: "And Hayaba-kun, this is my son, Kuniharu, his wife, Ayano, and their son, Kunimitsu."

Akira looked down to see a young child, who would be one of the best tennis players of the future generation.