Trial and Errors
The sun has risen and the whole stinky and crappy streets of Antes are buzzing with illegal vendors and buyers, crimes are happening. Killings and robbery, but none of that irritated Lilliane. It was the helplessness. She spent some of her nights at some alleyway, full of sex-driven people that didn't even notice her and remained awake the whole time. She let midnight pass without doing much of her work. Usually, she would go and pick drugs from carriers and deliver it to Dachili. It was her lifestyle, the only thing that actually kept her alive.
Now she has Rikke to ruin it all up for her.
Ever since her talk with her former workmate, Lilliane never saw the foxy guy again. It was unnerving, and she's basically freaking herself out thinking that Rikke already ruined her image and her opportunity to join ERYTROS again. She was tempted to go to Theios, but she couldn't afford her own freedom and security getting caught the Watchers. A lowlife like her can't just travel all around the Den.
Sighing and letting her guard down for only just a fraction of second, she closed her eyes, mumbling curses under her breath and scolding herself for being so stupid because of the decision to even leave Fernando's gang.
"Hey, lass," Someone called out. A feminine voice. "Why don't you get going and make yourself useful?"
Lilliane opened her eyes and looked to where the voice came from. It came from a woman. She was drinking and emptying a lot of canned beer while staring at her own gun. For the past few days, Lilliane decided to take the risk of getting her own life in the line and ask Sasha Finn for some help. Ruby Finn, a worker just like Lilliane, is the former leader of ERYTROS.
Surprisingly, the former leader of ERYTROS seemed like she didn't care and let Lilliane inside her space. Lilliane came to her to ask for help, help about getting to join to ERYTROS once again if ever Rikke decides to ruin her whole life by just lying to Dachili.
Lilliane didn't really know much about the lady, but she was the only person in Antes that she actually trusts. It was weird at first, being acquainted with someone that happened to be the former leader of the former mafia group that she was in, but she figured that nothing can really happen if she's with Sasha. Unlike Dachili, the veterans from ERYTROS said that Finn isn't really that interested in leading them. Whenever something goes wrong or some of the members failed to do their jobs, she wouldn't care.
Rumors said that Ruby is working as a freelance mercenary. She's either recruited to support the Defenders for one mission or she's chilling around and low-key working for some infamous groups like ERYTROS. Lilliane didn't know why the former leader of the infamous group that she was in chose to be a freelance mercenary and an under-worker than leading ERYTROS.
"Useful for what, exactly?" Lilliane said finally, earning a look from Sasha.
"Do some chores or something. Better, you go out there and deliver these weapons and bring me the money." She shrugged.
"Why did you let me here in the first place?" Lilliane asked, ignoring Finn's words. That earned another look from the lady that she didn't get.
"I'll tell you that if you tell me why you came here..." She answered, a grin etching on her lips.
Lilliane scrunched her eyebrows, not believing that Finn is a former leader of some illegal group that killed hundreds of people, shipped thousands of drugs, and almost destroyed a part of Antes. Who would have thought that someone could grin in Antes besides Rikke?
"You wouldn't just randomly pop in front of my very humble about and ask if you can stay, right? You want help, right? Right?" She asked, tilting her head to one side and another as she ask.
Lilliane couldn't say anything. She was weirded out with how Finn—a former leader of ERYTROS, one of the largest and infamous illegal groups in all Antes—was acting like some kind of a normal human being. Finn seemed like she noticed Lilliane's stiffness and squinted her eyes.
"You want to know why I quit ERYTROS?" She offered. "Because I hate that."
"What?"
"I'm asking you decently about why you came here, right? But just because you know that I was your group's leader, you couldn't say anything. I hate that. I hate being treated like some kind of a threat and a superior being that can kill you anytime."
"You can kill me anytime, though."
"True," Finn shrugged. "But that's not it."
Lillian couldn't help to look weirdly at Finn. How the hell can anyone look from that perspective? She was in Antes, for god's sake! Getting all bubbly and friendly was stupid. She couldn't believe that she actually heard those words from Finn. Why did she even think that a person like Finn can act help her to get back to ERYTROS? She wanted to facepalm herself. Being around hopeful people is one of the things that Lilliane hated.
"It's nothing," Lilliane managed to hide the irritation in her voice. "I'll leave as soon as possible. I just need to wait for Rikke to—"
"You really believe that he'll come back with good news?" She asked, cocking her eyebrows. She sounded like she heard the most stupid thing from Lilliane. "I know that lad. A sneaky one, a sly one. You think, as one of his rivals, he'll actually help you to get back in that group, especially under the situation they're in?"
"I don't really remember mentioning this thing to you," Lilliane made some more distance between her and the lady.
Finn smiled thinly. "I have my ways."
Which is actually pretty surprising, Lilliane thought. Everyone in ERYTROS knows that the former leader, Ruby Finn, gives zero fucks about them the moment she happily left everything in Dachili's hand.
"Anyway, you better listen to me, lass." Finn continued. "That boy Payawal won't help you in any way possible. That's why you're here, right?"
Debating whether to trust and say something more to Ruby, Lilliane shrugged. The lady has a point. Rikke is not the type of person that can keep his word and actually do something for someone if there will be no benefits for him. Lilliane wanted to smack herself right in the face for letting Rikke do the rest of her work. The thing about Rikke being told by Dachili to meet her and deliver the cash she gained was probably not true, too. Right at that moment, she wanted to push some kind of button that will take her back to the time where she met Rikke and kill him in the spot.
Lilliane felt Finn's eyes trailing all over her presence like she's expecting Lilliane's answer right away. Of course, it was obvious.
"I've known that old man Dachili for a long time now, lass. And he hates betrayal. Getting another chance from him is pretty impossible, but that's not the case for you. It's pretty rare for Dachili to even maintain contact with you and not order his goons around to kill you."
Lilliane didn't say anything. Of course, she knows that. How many persons and mates she saw getting killed right in front of her just because they disobeyed or failed to do their jobs? Dachili is a merciless creature, a cruel one. There are no changes in redeeming yourself back. It's either you're up for the worst life or he ends your suffering by ending your life. A bullet, a blade, or the parasite's fangs? Dachili used to ask. Those are the choices you have, the last choice that you will have.
But then again, she's still alive. No one from ERYTROS came to find her and kill her. She lived with so much bounty from the other notorious groups until she found out that she didn't like the way they playthings. No orders from Dachili to kill her, to manhunt of some sort. Maybe Dachili thought that it will be a waste of time to even look for her and kill her. That seemed believable enough.
"If he gave you another chance, it's true," Finn said with a small smile. Lilliane wondered how can anyone just smile in a place like Antes and in this situation. "Me and that man, we've been rivals ever since. Fighting for the spot in ERYTROS, getting played by the founders and ordered to kill innocent people until we tire out. I got the spot only because he was double-killing everyone just to make sure they're dead. It took him time. Right at that moment, I knew that it's not my place."
Lilliane couldn't help but cringe. How can anyone just tell a story of their life easier? And how did this turn into a corny back story? But, for respect, she decided to keep quiet. It's been quite some time she heard someone tell her a story.
"Fernando, on the other hand, is ruthless. Broke the limbs of our victims, dug their nails out, and stabbed their eyes. Violence is all he knew, and violence was enough, really. He never stopped trying to win over the founders, he killed every man, every leader of other notorious groups just to slap it on our face that he's more deserving than me. And he is."
Lilliane nodded, agreeing on every word Ruby did ene though she was kind of irritated. The last thing she wanted was to get stuck with the former leader of the once-notorious group that basically ruled Antes and have no choice but to hear her story that obviously got nothing for her to benefit.
"But I'm pretty sure you know that," Finn said, her dark eyes reflecting the cold lights from outside. Her thin lips quirked slowly until she was smiling fully. She tilted her head as she stares at the lost-looking puppy Lilliane. No, more like an angry one but still lost. "And yet, despite his nature, he still has you another chance to prove yourself. You really must be something."
"I begged for it." Lilliane snapped.
Finn snorted. "You're more desperate than I expected."
What do you want me to do, do nothing, and just simply die? Lilliane thought, keeping her irritation to herself. At a young age, she learned that in order to keep living, you can't just be there and just exist. It's not like that. It's not how it works. Not like on the other parts of the den where you can live on your own without putting yourself down. You can live in luxury, have everything you need in just every street. In Antes, in order to live another day, you have to fight for it.
Of course, she's desperate.
"That's why I'm here." She said.
"I pretty much figured that," Finn said, still smiling this at her. She put down the gun that she's playing with ever since and turned her attention fully on Lilliane, who still was uneasy. "That's why I let you in in the first place."
"I have a question," Lilliane couldn't help it. "Why are you like this?"
Without specifically saying it, Finn got whatever Lilliane wanted to say. She looked down, a thoughtful look on her worn face. "I'm just tired of this place, lass. I'm sick of everything in here, how the things run, how every day, people die because of the desires of the others. Don't you find it tiring? Don't you find it unbelievable? This place has a never-ending cycle of remorseless killing and despicable things."
"But... it's just how it is. Acting all nice and kind won't help to change that. How can you even think that way?" Lilliane couldn't help the tone of her voice. That earned a small grin from the lady.
"So, you don't? Well, that's fine, someday you'll get me." Finn said, waving her hand in a dismissive manner. "It also took me a while to realize this, too, after all. One day, you'll just see yourself slowly realizing things that have been veiled from us."
Lilliane scrunched her forehead, unable to understand the things that Finn was babbling about. But it made perfect sense to her why ERYTROS raced Al the way to the top when Finn was replaced by Dachili. The way she sees things were impossible to understand. The danger is not only on the outside, not only caused by the gods, but also inside the walls.
Finn's perspective might make sense if she lives in the other parts of the Den, but here in Antes, she's most likely to be killed first just because she talked kindly to a stranger.
Finn waved her hand in a dismissive manner, chuckling. Lilliane looked at her like a lunatic, which may be true. "I told you, you'll get it someday."
"That day will never come," Lilliane said, not realizing her own voice sounded somber.
Finn just hummed, regarding Lilliane with an amused look on her face then shrugged. Finn genuinely thought that the girl Lilliane would get her, she had hopeful eyes, although the girl herself doesn't realize it. The way she sees things might be the opposite of hers, but she knows that deep down inside, the girl hoped for something to happen. It was the feeling of trying to get a grasp of something, the feeling that she experienced ever since.
She may not have realized it, but someday, Finn knew that the girl that came to her abode in the middle of the night will see the wrong things in Antes. No, that's wrong. Not just in Antes, but also in the whole Den. The Liberators and everything that made the inside of the walls this way.
"If you say so, lass. I won't force you. After all, we have different perspectives, different ways to live our life." Finn said, tilting her head, watching how different emotions flashed on the girl's face. Anger and frustration, to consideration, and then back to anger again. "Acceptance is a good thing, after all. Don't you think so?"
Lilliane's amber eyes flashed with irritation. "I get what you're saying, former leader. But I came here to talk about something else."
"Acceptance is a good thing," Finn repeated. "Instead of living your life in the way you want it, why do you still choose to come back to ERYTROS? Out there, somewhere, is a place where you belong."
"I belong with The Blood."
"That's what I thought, too. But here I am."
"I'm not you." Lilliane snapped. She groaned, pulling her own hair in frustration. She couldn't believe that meeting the former leader would be this irritating. "It's the only place where I find myself worthy, the place where I can do something. Dachili adopted me, raised me. Ha maybe cruel like you think, but he's the only person that I can trust in this whole place. In The Blood, I know my worth."
"Then, why are you still here?" Finn asked, her tone challenging. "Didn't I tell you that you must be something. I'm sure that by now, you're sure that Dachili meant the chance that he gave you."
Lilliane's amber eyes widened. Then she glared. "I needed proof that he really meant it. You are our—the former leader of The Blood. You know him too well, and I came here to—"
"Alright, alright," Finn cut off, waving her hand. Lilliane was weirded out with how casual the former leader acted. She felt like she's talking to some bratty teenager from Sequi instead of an adult. "It was pretty rare for Dachili to actually let you off alive, so you better do everything he requests. The only thing that he find worthy is loyalty and obedience. Do that thing and you're off the hook."
Lilliane's eyes didn't waver despite the fact that she literally just betrayed The Blood and came running back to Dachili, begging him to give her another chance. Finn guessed the girl was somehow special in her own way. Maybe she did a lot of things, killed a lot of people that carried The Blood all the way to the top of the hierarchy in Antes. Or maybe there's something more to Lilliane than meets the eye. Nevertheless, Finn was kind of surprised that her late rival, Fernando Dachili, actually let the girl live.
"I betrayed The Blood," Lilliane said as a matter-of-factly. "I'm certainly still on the hook. But I did what he ordered me to do. I stole the Risse Family's valuables, and when I was about to show him that, I learned that The Blood works with Aegis now."
Lilliane could see the immediate difference in Finn's reaction compared to earlier. Her slight grin disappeared, leaving her lips set in a hard, straight line. The amusement in her blue eyes was replaced with a dark look. Instantly, she looked like her age. Wrinkle lines appeared on some certain part of her face and the scary look that Dachili had seemed like nothing compared to Finn's. Lilliane felt tense with the sudden change of Finn's aura, and now finally felt like she's facing the former leader of The Blood, of ERYTROS.
"He still haven't let it go, huh," Finn mumbled to herself, lowering her head until Lilliane could see the resemblance of her and Dachili. "Still didn't learn."
"What?" Lillian croaked. Now she felt like she shouldn't have told her all about her life agenda. "Did I say something wrong, former leader?"
She looked up, seriousness still etched on every inch of her face. "Hmm, you told me something important," Finn answered. "Say..."
Lilliane waited, waited and waited some more, for Finn to continue whatever she's about to say. All her senses told her that something was about to happen, something she didn't see coming.
"Would you like to be my Eye?" Finn finished.
"What?"
"I'm offering you a new job," Finn said, her lips quirking. Bad news, Lilliane thought to herself. Bad news. "You'll work for me by spying The Blood."
It was a hot day in Antes as Lilliane found herself walking and trudging along the crowded and noisy streets of Antes. While walking and feeling the burn of the Sun on her skin, she wished that she's in Sequi. Her father once said that the weather was so abnormal that the weather is not so consistent. When it's hot in Antes, Sequi is probably in cold temperature.
Passing by the second-hand and illegal vendors on the streets, she tried to distract herself from the things that keeps popping inside her mind for the last forty minutes, but the knot in her stomach didn't help. It keeps twisting and un-twisting whenever she remembers what the former leader had told her.
"Become her Eye..." She murmured to herself, fighting the urge to go to Theios, find Dachili and tell him what the heck just happened to her. It was a stupid thing to do, and yet Lilliane found herself attached to the lessons and words that Dachili told them when she was still young. Loyalty and obedience, consistency, and will.
She was trained to tell him everything. It was one of the lessons that she couldn't just take off her system. For years she did it, years and years more. Everything she hears, Dachili knows. Everything she does. She acts. She kills. He had to know. Even that, was the reason why she left and stopped betraying The Blood and crawl back right to Dachili's feet. But this was a different situation. The former leader, Ruby Finn, asked her to spy on the brotherhood that kept her alive for ages. To betray them once again. To betray Dachili himself. How will that work out?
"It's time to break your bonds, lass," former leader had said.
It was the same thing her father told her years ago before he disappeared, but Lilliane can't see herself doing so. Dachili taught her everything, raised her, and kept the crap in her so she can fight for herself and survive. She was grateful in a stoic way, in a hard way. She didn't realize that thing until Finn offered her a new job.
She started to pick up the facts piece by piece, tried to come up with a reasonable decision that will benefit her. Coming back and joining The Blood again will probably be risky, the same respect and fear that the members had for her have probably vanished the moment she chose to betray them. It was a con, a terrifying thing to happen. She's back to zero, and to their eyes, she's probably as low as a rat. But serving The Blood and being its tool has been her life. She gave in to it, let The Blood to swallow her whole.
It was probably the only thing that she's good at. Serving is a tool and a killer. She was trained that way. And she was grateful.
Lilliane told Finn that she needed time, and the former leader gave it to her with no hesitation. According to the former leader, she has been spying The Blood for years now, but she didn't tell Lilliane the reason. But by the sounds of it, Lilliane has no idea what it was. The Blood is a notorious group that kills and do despicable things for a living, but when the former leader told her some hint of words, she made it sound like it was nothing Lilliane has seen or done before.
She was never suspicious of The Blood, the only place that she served. They kill and they scatter blood all around the Den and that was normal. What could possibly make the former leader spy on it? Or rather, spy on Fernando Dachili?
She was a despicable man, merciless and cold, but Lilliane looked up at him. Maybe because he was the reason why she's still alive because he adopted her and trained her until she breaks all of her bones, maybe because Fernando's way of seeing things was the only thing that she can see herself doing, but her loyalty to Dachili never faltered. Will she really risk it all and side with the former leader, betray The Blood once again?
The former leader told her that it was time to break bonds. She wanted to do it so badly, but she can't just convince herself in forty full minutes. It was probably the same thing that she wanted to happen years ago, but that time, she was praised and feared for her skill and her cold nature. She was enjoying her work, her job as a killer, a thief. She didn't realize that thing until Finn told her so.
She wanted to stop being a tool, to stop being the monster that Dachili made her be, but how, exactly, will she do that? Does betraying him will help? Does working for the former leader will break the chains of The Blood? Maybe it will, maybe it won't. So what in the world is she supposed to do?
She thought of some ways that can help to completely disattach herself to The Blood and to Finn's words. Maybe she should just live a normal life in Antes, broke, and striving for something to eat every day. Or maybe she should just prove that she has the rights the leave the place and completely abandon her current life for a new one.
But all of those are pretty much impossible to do so.
She wanted to have a new life, a life that her father kept promising her since she was a kid. We'll leave this place, he said. Someday, instead of gunshots and screams, we'll hear the sound of the wind and taste the sun. Lilliane always thought of him as a witty man, too witty, sometimes. Whenever he says something like that, Lilliane had to read the books from the Old World for her to understand.
She had no idea what that meant until Dachili kicked her off the ground and afterward picked her up from the street where she thought she'll die.
"You look like someone I can use," He had said, looking down on her, his body covering Lilliane from the lights. "What's your name?"
Lilliane clicked her tongue, throwing a glare at everywhere she looks at as she thinks of these things. How dreadful, she thought. It would be a lot better if I wasn't born in this god-awful place or just simply died. But it was too late for her to hope. Sure, maybe she did when she was a kid when she denied all the things she sees every night on the streets and the loud noises of the guns and the people's anguished screams, but deep down she knew that hope has no place in this world.
Thinking about it now, she wondered what might have happened to her if she didn't answer Dachili's question and follow her out of their town. Where would she end up? She asked herself. Probably one of those illegal vendors she always sees on the street or she'll end dead, a victim of the people like she is now. And to be honest, that's actually a lot better than trying to survive every day.
"Living like this is a real pain in the ass," Lilliane muttered, sighing and letting her guard down for only just a fraction of second. Then she tensed herself again.
Before she knew it, she found herself walking along the same road that leads to their former hideout, the place where she Dachili told her to meet him and instead found Rikke. Dachili's house was not that far away and she can see it if she focused enough on the background. Why am I here? She asked herself. Right. I decided that I should wait for Rikke here, hope that he brings me good news instead of ruining my chance to join the Blood again and the chance to be Finn's Eye.
"You better show up your ass, Rikke." She said, stopping in front of Dachili's house. His house looked exactly like the other structured beside it so no one, in particular, will actually think that there's a hideout underneath it.
Being there felt strange for Lilliane, waiting for something she's not sure coming. No one really stopped in Antes, everyone was busy doing their own shit, following their target or simply couldn't just stand there and wait. You stop, everything can go downhill. That's what Lilliane knows for she killed people that doubted their destination for money.
She looked around, trying to spot Rikke's among the tensed and the moving crowd of faceless people. Never in her life, she thought that she'll actually want to see Rikke and wait for him. Rikke has a special way to get under her skin. It's something with the way he speaks, the way he throws words at everyone. Plus, he tried to kill her in an attempt to impress Dachili. He nearly succeeded, but Lilliane used her wits to surpass the boy.
Dachili favored no one, of course. He's merciless and fair. No one exactly impressed him, and everything he does is private. Like a chess master or a puppeteer, moving and deciding how he will make his move using his pieces and strings. It was the normal thing to do, of course. No one knows if there's someone out there that would ruin you.
Waiting, Lilliane thought of the moments and reasons of why he should not betray Dachili and why she should betray him and The Blood. Finn basically offered her a new life. She was so deep inside her head that it's a fraction of second too late to notice someone approaching her. She stared at the figure, and she immediately knew that it was Rikke. Of course, she's not wrong. When she looked at Rikke's face, he was grinning. The same foxy grin, like there's something she doesn't know but he does.
He shot his hand mid-air in a playful manner then said, "Waiting for me? Did you wait here every night and day like a loyal dog?"
It didn't even take a minute for Rikke to get under Lilliane's skin. Lilliane gritted her teeth, keeping her growing irritation in check. If she kill Rikke right there, she won't know if Dachili approves of her again. Maybe she'll do that after she hears what Rikke was about to say if ever he didn't mess up her chance.
"What did he say?" Lilliane ran straight to the point. She can feel her anxiety growing.
Rikke just gave her you guess to look.
"Just tell me, Rikke," Lilliane said.
"Basing on how you waited for me in front of boss' house every day proves how cute and loyal you are. Maybe that's why he gave you another chance." Surprisingly, Rikke said that without any hint of resentment and without beating around the bush. "Trust me, I tried everything to convince the boss to order me to kill you, but sadly, it didn't work."
Lilliane's ears perked up, feeling confused, enthralled but slightly terrified at the same time, but none of those feelings showed on her face. Probably, in Rikke's sly looking and secretive eyes, she looked like a dead girl that just happened to adapt the ability to walk on her feet again.
"You're not going to say anything?" He asked, tilting his head on the side. His grin grew thin until it turned into a smirk. "Okay, then. I'm going to tell boss that betraying us made you such a pussy that you don't want to join us again. I mean, it's not like I don't hate it."
"You talk too much." Lilliane said.
"You just have nothing to say. I wonder why." Rikke said, his voice lowering and sounding suddenly husky. "Say, say... Did something happen, hm? Any reason why I'm not seeing the same desperate puppet girl that has nothing to do but to beg for orders and shit?"
Lilliane hardened her look. She will never forget how sharp and sly Rikke is. He's known because of his intelligence, his dangerous brilliance. If Rikke can see doubt on her face without even doing anything, she should be more careful. Having Rikke know that she doubt everything now will be the most fatal thing that can happen to her. Have no doubts, she played Dachili's words to her when she was still a child. No second thought. Obey. Those are my absolute orders.
"Nothing happened besides my regretful decision of betraying The Blood." Lilliane answered. "Boss' orders are absolute, and that meant that he's accepting me again. Why don't you start trying working your ass off now before I shame you again once I'm finally back?"
She wished that she believed herself.