5 - Getting the pebbles to vote
This universe's Heyer doesn't do it as much as some, but girl, or boy meets dashing Jedi love interest is a bloody romance sub-genre. All the way from bodice ripper through to Le Morte d'Revan. No attachments? Not the way the Galaxy's romantics see things. Those that don't outright ignore the rules in favour of some hot Jedi action have come up with some rather curious reasons why their protagonist can keep their own Jedi, or five. I'm reading Heha for insight on those times the Jedi Order did make an exception for humans. Or near-enough humans. Well, and because I like my universe's version.
Is this why, atrocious dialogue notwithstanding you fall for Anakin, Padme? Cultural conditioning? Because your own personal space paladin is a romantic ideal here? How do I check your reader in a way that doesn't seem totally creepy? Somehow claiming it's in the interests of Galactic Peace and Harmony is not going to cut it.
"The Jedis is in?" comes a voice dragging me away Johanna and Hiro and back to reality. I look up.
Long snout, floppy ears, eyes on stalks, amphibian. Take one slash die four SAN loss. Okay, that's cruel. Gungans are not Cthulhu nasties. They are weird though.
"Hello, how can I help you." I say.
"It'sa me, Jar Jar Binks. Meesa looking for Ani." says Jar Jar.
"He's not here yet. Anakin's still at school. Would you like to come in and wait for him?" I say and get up, open the door to the warehouse and I lead the creature inside.
I show Jar Jar round the warehouse. True to form the ungainly being has had an accident within five minutes and I offer to patch him up. While we are doing that Anakin arrives.
"Hello Dee-Jay, Jar Jar!" he says entering and then rushes the alien.
"Ani, it's good to see you." says Jar Jar. He straightens and puff out his chest. "I is now Ambassador Binks. To the Naboo. It is great honour." he says.
Well, guess they couldn't banish their hero, so the Gungans have settled on the next best thing.
"Congratulations. Does this mean we'll be seeing more of you?" I say.
Jar Jar nods. "Yes, but I do have many important duties now. Got to maka the peace last." Jar Jar says.
"Well, that is good. Feel free to drop in any time. It may be a good idea to com ahead though, Sometimes we are working on projects and it would be unwise to just walk in." I say.
"Do you want to see what I'm working on now?" says Anakin and drags Jar Jar away.
I watch them go. So, that's the most hated being in the universe? I have had worse flatmates. Also, this is important, he's yet another friend of Anakin. First though, let's settle that weird Darth Jar Jar theory. I slip out.
-----
"What do you want now?" snaps Shayla as I enter the med centre.
"Two things. I need this individual tested." I say holding up a blood sample of everyone's favourite amphibianoid.
"Are you intending to test every individual on this world?" asks Shayla.
The thought had crossed my mind. After all, they missed Sheev, which, intentional or not, was a biggie.
"Not everyone. Just those the Force prompts me towards." I say.
That earns me another 'don't fob me off with magic' look. She does take the sample and pop it into the machine. We wait a minute for it to do it's thing, beep and display the results.
"Gungan? He's fairly normal. Look." says Shayla.
Well that settles that. Highish Force potential but nothing that would imply a secret stock of black robes and a red lightsabre. So, I'm not in a completely crazy universe.
"And the other thing?" she says.
"How are you?" I say.
Shayla scowls, her tentacles twitch and she sits down.
"Just mad. At myself, I guess. I thought it would be different here. Naboo seemed so civilised. I was a fool to think so." she says.
"So, what do you want?" I say affecting my best Mr Morden impression.
"What do I want? I want to not be constantly looking over my shoulder in fear of slavers. I want a future beyond concubine, mistress or pleasure slave. I want my planet no longer raided while everyone looks the other way. Can you do any of that, Jedi?"
She thinks I can't do anything. Because nothing has been done. However, little does she know that I have a secret weapon. He's currently nine going on ten and if Jar-Jar doesn't cause my home to explode then we can be on. It also fits into my agenda. Slavery has always been a puzzler here. Back home it exists because this is a pulp setting and hot slave girls in revealing outfits is part of the genre. Anything a slave can do, a droid can with the added bonus of not revolting or need feeding and sleep. Except suffer. Such suffering and misery powers the Dark Side, a lot given the scales involved. So, by dealing with slavery I am kicking out one of Palpy's supports. It should be impossible, but like I said, secret weapon. Also, if I'm wrong, then it is still something good to do.
"What will you give for that. Before you say 'anything' take care. This Galaxy is littered with reminders that there is such a thing as too high a price." I say.
Shayla stares for a while.
"You can't be serious."
"Why not?"
"It's impossible. You're just one man."
"You are mistaken. My ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is." I say with a smile.
Also the Chosen One. I'm told him and the Force are 'like this'. I've also got a good idea what he thinks about slavery.
"Anything else?" I say and turn to leave.
"Thank you." she says.
-----
The next day I go see Shmi. The Skywalkers live in a comfy home that I should not be jealous of. Stoic space monk and all that. I'ld probably never work out how to use all the devices a Galactic takes for granted. Can't even use the spirally thing.
"Master Dee-Jay. How do you do today." says Shmi somewhat suspiciously. Okay, I would be suspicious of me too.
"I thought it was time for a walk and a chat. To be specific, come with me to the Palace and talk to the Queen."
"Why?"
"It is the perfect time for her to hear your story."
"My story?"
"Yes. You're important too."
Shmi looks at me for a moment. Come on Mary. Be something more, move beyond story conventions.
"Why are you doing this?"
A hot green space babe asked me to, while true, is not the politic answer.
"Because this is where it begins. It's a Jedi thing." I say.
As we walk to the Palace I wonder at what is going on. Are these my thoughts, my actions? Shayla is cute and all, but hardly 'set the Galaxy on fire' cute. Because that's what this will do. Is that why the Dark Side has been so quiet? No matter how this goes, a lot of people will die and I could still end up with Vader very easily. Oh well. I start humming. Low notes, fairly regular rhythm.
"What are you humming?" asks Shmi besides me.
"Just something I picked up, catchy isn't it." I say and resume humming.
After all, who here knows the Imperial March?
-----
At the Palace I pick up a flunky and ask to be directed to the Queen. Being a weird space monk has it's privileges. If you say it's important, the good guys just sort of believe you. Of course that's because all the other Jedi would never dream of abusing that trust. Me? Yoda seems to think I'm a Jedi too. I don't want to disappoint the guy. Besides, he still has teams of Jedi Knights to sic on me.
We enter a room after mainly sticking to the Palace bit. Inside is the Queen and murder squad, all hopefully working on something important. Several rise and approach us just in case we're changelings or in masking net. Padme looks up.
"Master Dee-Jay. Ms Skywalker. This is, unexpected." she says standing as does everyone else.
"Is it? It is time to hear Shmi's story. The life of someone just one short jump from here." I say.
"We are aware of life outside the Republic." says Padme.
"In the abstract, yes. Now you will hear a first hand account. I recommend you sit down." I say.
No one moves. Can't say I didn't warn them.
"Very well. Your story Shmi. Leave nothing out." I say and sit on the floor cross legged.
"I am told I was born into the service of..." says Shmi as she begins.
-----
No emotion, but peace.
No ignorance, but knowledge.
No passion, but serenity.
No chaos, but harmony.
No death, there is the Force.
I repeat the code mainly to keep a calm demeanour. I am a space monk. A Jedi. We do not tear up. I knew this would be awful, but to hear it first hand is harrowing. The code is more than words. They really act to bring clarity, focus, understanding. This is of no help to Padme and co.
I am making a room of girls cry. Shmi's tale is typical, is perhaps the nicest way of putting it. Hers has been a life of unending brutality and casual malice. Being forced into a life with absolutely no choice of your own. Ever been whipped for not making a circuit fast enough? Been starved or beaten for showing any signs of independence or defiance? Got your slave implant installed, her words not mine, without anaesthetic? Watched the closest thing you had to a friend die because she got an infection with her implant? Watched another die simply to 'test' that batch of implants and serve as a warning to the others? And that was before she was ten. From there it gets worse. Let's just say that one of her happier memories is when Watto buys her. Because he would only beat her.
The tale eventually winds down. Padme isn't crying, not anymore. What now Desdemona?
"Thank you. Master Jedi. You may go now." she says.
No argument from me. I leave. I try to look nonchalant as I walk out of the building fully aware of the stones I've knocked over and the growing rumbling sound. Still blissfully unaware, they all let me leave.
-----
"Hello Dee-Jay." says Anakin as he arrives after school.
"Hello Anakin. Sit down." I say.
Anakin looks a little confused as this is not the regular routine. Normally we start with a quick set of exercises followed by meditation. So he frowns, but otherwise sits down.
"What do you want to do as a Jedi?" I say.
Anakin scrunches up his face in typical 'Anakin is thinking' style. Does he know he does that? If this wasn't potential Vader I would find it cute.
"Um, what the Force directs me to?" he says after a moment.
Wow. The lessons do take hold.
"Yes. We Jedi follow the Will of the Force. But what if you could choose Anakin? What would you do to bring Peace and Justice to the Galaxy."
More scrunchy face.
"I would go back and free everyone else on Tatooine." he says.
"Okay. Then what?" I say.
"What do you mean?" he says, puzzled.
"Peace and Justice in the Galaxy. Not just Tatooine. Not just Naboo, or Coruscant or any other system. All of them." I say.
"Is that what I am supposed to do?"
No, you are supposed to become one of the most famous fictional villains ever. That's destiny. We really don't want that. It's typically considered a fail if the student ends up killing their teacher.
'Not if you're Sith.'
Not now. Just go away.
"I want you to choose your own life Anakin. As freely as it is possible."
'He will never be free.'
"Why are you asking this?" Anakin says.
"Because things are in motion. I have started something that could lead to greater emancipation in the Galaxy. That means freeing slaves." I say, adding the last bit for clarity because emancipation is a big word.
"Why?"
Why indeed? Because slavery is an abomination to civilisation. Because the effect it has on people I've grown to like really sucks. Because I want to not so much derail canon as dynamite the tracks, blow up the locomotive and set fire to any stations on the route. Because this will harm the Dark Side.
'You are wrong on that.'
And you lie. Besides, there's always the answer.
"Because it's the right thing to do." I say.
"How do we start?" says Anakin.
"We train. We practice and we get stronger." I say.
"is that all?" Anakin says.
It's a pretty big all kiddo.
"Yes. Patience. When we are ready, then we act. Which means warm ups." I say standing up.
Thought I had forgotten? Anakin gets up as well and we begin to warm up for the exercise routine.
-----
Nothing happens for a few days. Well, nothing particularly unusual. I mean, some might have remarked on the new hole in the ceiling from when we tested the recalibrated repulsors, but I'm used to that. It did mean I was on the roof fixing it and so missed on a few events.
"Dee-Jay! Dee-Jay!" calls out Anakin.
"I am up here Anakin." I say.
A few minutes later Anakin is up here too.
"Did you hear the announcement! Did you? Did you?" he says.
I put down the hammer.
"No. What was it?" I say.
"Padme made a speech. She says she wants to end slavery. Mom says you started it. Everyone is talking about it." said Anakin excitedly.
"I did very little Anakin. I asked your mother to speak with Padme about life as a slave. That is all." I say.
"So, what happens now?" he says.
"Well, first we finish fixing this roof. then some practice and then I think we try something different with the repulsors."
"You know what I mean."
"Yes. Patience Anakin. For now we do what needs doing. We shall however watch and observe. What will others say to the Queen's announcement? Who are her allies, opponents, friends and enemies? It is a time of watching. To learn both about ourselves, and those who would oppose us. For that is how we achieve victory." I say.
"That doesn't sound very exciting." says Anakin, clearly not a fan of the General.
"I would not worry about that. I forsee excitement enough in our future." I say and get back to work.
It is best to prepare for interesting times while being able to keep the rain out.