Chapter 4: Lost

When Connor came back to his senses, the sun had began to set, and he was sitting curled up in the corner of a bus stop, shivering.

Although the rain had probably washed away the spit on his cheek, he could still feel it, togther with a deep void in his heart.

He lifted up his arm, and swiped away the tears from his red eyes, sniffling uncontrollably, his breathing uneven.

Despite his whole body being soaked in rain water, and the wind whipping across his body, he didnt feel the cold. All he could feel was pain. This pain however was not normal, it couldnt be compared with the pain when he broke his leg after he fell from a tree when he was 5, nor does it feel similar to when Tom, his one and only childhood friend, turned against him, gangend up on him with his classmates, and beat him up.

This pain was different. It was the accumulation of everything that had happened. He had tried so hard, for such a long time. No matter what life had thrown at him, he had always tried to hold his head up high, to stay strong.

But now, it seemed like all that was for nothing. The determination, that was usually found in his glance, was gone, and replaced with something else, something different.

With emptiness.

"Why me?"

"What have I done to deserbe this?"

"Have I not tried hard enough?"

"Why can't my life just be easier?"

"Why am I even here?"

"Where is the point?"

"Why am I alive?"

Many questions were colliding with each other in his mind, yet he couldn't find an answer to any of them.

Tears started running down his cheeks again, his breathing started to become quicker and quicker, his body shaking. All thoughts vanished, and an answer appeard in his mind:

"Maybe if I just don't exist, things will be better? Were is the point?"

His breathing became faster and faster, he began to hyperventilate, his body slowly cooling down further and further, his vision blurry from all the tears welling from his eyes.

"Maybe I really should just go die. Nobody would care anyway"

"No thats not true, your parents would care, and so would your sister" His own voice rang in his head.

"But if I wouldnt exist, then they wouldnt have to worry about the money, they would live a better life, my sister would live a better life. I should just disappear, it would be better for everyone!"

After this thought entered his mind, there was only the noise of blood rushing through his ears, no more thoughts appeard. After a while, a cold determination appeared in his mind.

"Yes, I can fix this"

Suddenly he felt something on his shoulders.

A warm sensation, and he could swear that there was a noise, he just couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

He opened his eyes slowly and looked around, his vision still blurry, he managed to make out a shape infront of him. His eyes began to focus, and his slowly but surely he saw, that there was a person infront of him, his face old, full of wrinkles, and his hair wet and grey.

Despite his age his gaze was still full of energy... and full of worry.

"Why does he look so worried? Who is he worried about? Why is he here?

Connor couldn't explain, what the man infront of him was doing, and he was getting worried that something happened to the old man and he needed help, so he tried to focus.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay? Do you need help?"

The old mans voice was deep and old, but filled with nothing but concern and kindness.

Suddenly Connor snapped back to reality, and with that came a realisation. Connor realised what he had been thinking about just now, what he was thinking about doing, and it scared him. He had never been someone for staying sad and negative for long, he always tried to push through the pain, to not feel depressed, no matter what happened.

Exactly because of this, this moment of weakness, it scared him. It scared him because he knew that if he had come back to his old self any later, the consequences would have been unimaginable.

Then Connor remembered, were he was, that there was somebody with him, he snapped back from his thoughts, and with a weakend voice almost whispered:

"I... I am okay thank you. Thank you so much."

When the old man saw the nothingness in Connors eyes disappear, he sighed in relief, and with a stern look in his eyes said:

"No, you are not okay. But that is okay. It is okay to not be okay. Come one, let's get inside, my house is right over there, you have to warm up, you are freezing."

The man pointed at a little shop across the street, it had a big window in the front, and behind it different things were on display. Although Connor was not able to make out the details of of the things behind the window, he noticed a big sign above it, which read "Tim's Odd's and End's".

Connor nodded and got up to his feet slowly, he hadn't noticed earlier, but he was indeed freezing, his whole body was shaking, and he could hear the clacking sound of his teeth, caused by his shivering.

Seeing this, the old man took of his coat and gave it to Connor.

"Here, put this on, and then let's quickly get inside and warm you up."

Doing as he was told, he quickly put on the warm winter coat, it was an old school leather coat, which had been modified so be warmer in winter by adding wool an the inside.

After he was done putting on the coat, the two made their way across the street and to the shop.

He wasn't sure what exactly caused this, but something about the old man just made this pain, that had appeard in Connors heart feel so much weaker. With the coat warming him, and his thoughts finally returning back to normal, and the only thing he could think about was that he was grateful.

With everthing that had happened to him in the last couple of weeks, this one man helping him despite not having to do so, despite not knowing him, it just gave him hope, it showed him that now everything is terrible.