a

I was sitting on the roof of the tallest building here in this city, my legs were swaying in the void, and I was so close to the edge I held back with some pain so as not to jump, not to fly above these houses and these buildings that haunted the city.

I stared at the sky studded with these tiny stars they were shining quietly next to the gorgeous moon, which was completed to look like a queen on the throne of beauty to light up this city, as dark as my soul with lightness and dignity.

I think about what I have done until now and what I would have done if the conditions were right for me, if I was allowed to live normally , if I could be normal , if I could live without causing some much troubles and problems, Why is my destiny fighting against me and my fate holding me hostage?

All I want is to be stunned into this emptiness Which is calling me, calling my name wanting me to join it wanting me to be one with it, as I was watching this hallow mixed with the darkness of the sky that day I was wondering Where my life has taken a new turn, this horrible one which I want to escape, when my story will be able to write "the end ", how long could I stand and be able to face this world with no tears, with courage and faith, with innocence as a new born?

But it's still too early for all that, for waiting, for the end , it's too early for me saying goodbye for no real reason yet , I want to have someone who maybe could stop me and help me , for someone who is ready to beg me for staying and not letting them after me, so I can wait more , just for that unknown person who is staying here also looking at this wonderful sky with me right now but we don't know each other yet but I'm still asking myself why I have to wait for someone and not just for me ? Why I cannot find a way to be happy and just sunfish my own self? I'm just asking some random questions that everyone could ask himself just for once in their life, who am I really? What am I supposed to be? And why I am here?

Even if I accept who I am and smile more through the mirror, I am conscious in the bottom of my heart Where the real me is hiding, I knew I have never been satisfied with my decisions but I was trying to fight that fire on me with fire, I didn't realize that I was making it worse.

The sky looks so beautiful this night and the darkness that is now sufficient to feed the beast lurking inside me.