Confessions Conundrum Part-1

" Good Morning!"

"Dad! Whatcha doing?"

He was preparing a bottle of milk.

"I was just about to feed the kittens."

"Oh yeah, they were so tiny in the pictures." The 3 little munchkins were huddled at Tabby's Belly. My heart could just melt at their cuteness. They are barely the size of my hand.

"Thanks for taking care of them."

"Hey, stop being formal with your dad. C'mon, can we talk?"

"Sure. Let me grab some coffee first."

We settle down on the couch as Tabby drinks her milk with her kitties.

"I am sorry. I should be more understanding. I will try my best to be welcoming your girlfriend."

"Hey, if you are not comfortable you know you can talk to me right?"

"I know, it's just you kept this news from me for so long and I never thought you would keep something like this from me. I always want you to be happy. You deserve everything dad and if I can make that happen anyway I would do it."

"Thank you, sweetheart. I would have told you but even I was not sure where the relationship was going and I wanted to be sure before I told you."

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you something? Do you truly love her?"

"I do. She is a bit silly and dramatic but she is artistic and optimistic, adventurous, and always dragging me around to go out and just have fun. She taught me origami a week ago."

"Oh god, Now I have got to meet her dad. You are lousy in crafts."

"I know now I can fold napkins into swans for the table."

I laughed at the silliness of it all. Well, Dad seems happy and that is all I care about.

"I need to tell you that she has a -"

"Dad? May I share something with you now? I don't think I can wait anymore."

"Yeah, What is it?"

"Now, I was going to tell you this yesterday but that's okay, I can finally tell you."

I proceeded to show him my left hand with the engagement ring.

The look of surprise on his face was beyond surreal.

"Vincent proposed to me and I said yes."

"Cassie- good lord. You have engaged already? You were serious about each other."

"Yes, dad. He is coming here soon to seek your blessing. It means a lot to me."

I hug him. "Of course, I will be happy to. So, have you set a date yet?"

"No!! Uhm, I want to wait till the admission and after that, we will set a date. Right now I want to help Ash with her wedding plans, we were just about to head out for shopping."

"You two have fun, I have to coach mathletes online."

I give him a quick peck on the cheek and call out Ash.

In the meantime, I call Vincent. We texted each other last night. No answer?

"Hey, it's Cassie. Uhm, I am going to be with Ashley the whole day. I just called to tell you I miss you and did I tell you I love you, Vincent Alexander? I like your name Alexander, you sound like a warrior. Okay, I am being silly and lusty Bye now."

"Hello! Welcome at Bridals by Lori. I am Diana, I am the style assistant here. I am guessing you have an appointment?"

"Yes, it's under the name Ashley Copperman. This is Cassie, my best friend. We both are going to have a wedding soon so we need two dresses."

"Awesome. Congratulations! Lori will be with us any moment. Do you have any ideas for your bridal gown?"

"I want a bit of fit and flare. Sparkly and unconventional. Deep neckline."

She tapped on her iPad and checked and gave us a genuine smile and lead us into the white pristine boutique. It looks like a winter wonderland. Swathes of fabrics and ball gowns everywhere.

"Hi! I am Lori! So who is the bride."

"We both are but Ashley is getting married first."

"Congratulations! We can find you something unique. Why don't you browse and I'll bring in a few dresses."

We were served some good champagne as Ashley went ahead to the changing room.

The work that goes into each gown is amazing, no wonder they cost so much. I have never even thought of my dream wedding until very recently when I visited Vicent's family. Rachel showed me she ures and I could not help and morph a few choices of my own. Now that surreal thought is a reality.

"Here we go!" Lori exclaims as Ashley walks over to the stage with mirrors.

"You look so beautiful Ash!" Her blonde hair tied up in a neat chignon the backless lace-trimmed mermaid gown looks stunning. Off-shoulder and the sweetheart neckline is pretty.

"What do you think Cassie? I like the back but this is too traditional for me. My mother wanted more princessy."

"Ash, this is a pretty dress but you need the x-factor. "

"You're right I want a bit more sparkle. Let's try on something else."

She continues to wear a satin ball gown with poofy sleeves and an embellished bodice but the sleeves don't look good.

However, the minute she walked out wearing dress no.6 I felt my heart skip a beat! It is so unique! Ash got tears in her eyes as I try to stop myself from hugging her to pieces. This is it!

"This is Twilight Ivory tulle bridal ball gown with delicate metallic lattice detail and sprinkled hologram accent, deep V-neckline with side nude cut out and open keyhole back, full layered skirt with horsehair trim," Lori explains.

"Ashley Copperman this is your dress. It beautiful and it compliments your funky unique personality."

"I think so too!" I fish out my phone and take a couple of pictures and send them to her mother.

Next Lori makes me try a couple of gowns.

The first one is a "Lindsay gown"

"Lindsay is a fetching wedding dress with a loose skirt and a long train. The wedding gown with a sweetheart neckline is embellished with shoulder straps that are tied in a bow and made of veiling. A corset is made of crepe-satin and embroidered with spangles. At the back, the corset is decorated with lacing. The loose skirt is made of many layers of veiling. "

Lori fixes the bow straps and I am shocked by my image in the mirror. "Cassie!!! You look stunning and hot!"

The sweetheart neckline is slightly plunging and accentuates my chest area.

"I like it too. Let's try the other two and then I will decide."

The second one is

Fully beaded ivory cream dress with an off-shoulder top and a pleated full- circle skirt.

"Oh God, you look like a Princess."

Ashley sips her champagne and checks the bodice from the back.

The gown is a tad heavy but it is very intricate and luxuriously embellished.

This is too big for me I think.

"I think now you must try the next gown it is a bit expensive but it will be perfect for you."

The minute I put on the gown I knew This was it.

It is a crewneck gown with short embellished sleeves and embellished bodice that goes on to the long skirt in crystal waves. It is sparkly and elegant.

"Cassie You are buying this aren't you?" Ashley takes a few pictures when Diana puts on the veil on my head.

I look at my reflection. I see the confused blonde standing tall in her beautiful wedding gown.

"So how much is this?"

"It is an Elie Saab couture gown, it costs $10,000."

I rethink my bank account and savings and maybe the salary I got... I can afford it but..

"Cassie, let me buy you this. You can pay me later."

"No that's okay. I can buy it."

I was going to buy my dad a brand new car.

Top class. I don't have to touch my savings and use credit instead.

I decide to swipe my credit card.

Happy with the purchases, We head out to Xavier's restaurant.

"Cassiopeia Congratulations."

"Thanks, Xavier."

"Okay, so for celebration lunches on the house I will serve you great special. You guys Grab a seat." The waiters serve us some great white wine while Ashley looks nervously at me.

"I cannot believe you made me buy a wedding dress."

"I am so glad to see you happy. Thank you. Hey, so, Cassiopeia Bennett. Give me the scoop, How the infamous bachelor, Vincent Grey decides to settle down with you?"

"Honestly, I don't know that. And I still don't know. I guess we've known each other for a while now. And we love each other, trust each other. It just feels simple and easy. I have never felt this way about myself. I mean, I've never felt this confident with myself. And he makes me feel special and unique. And you know, Ashley, he just chases the demons away. I don't get nightmares anymore. I feel happy about the plain and simple stuff we do together. And I like plain and simple."

"That's great. Cassie. I mean, I love you and I just don't want to get hurt and I hope he feels this way but he's the longest relationship you've ever had. And I'm just worried you will get hurt again. "

"Hey, that's I understand Ash."

"Well, have you told him?"

"I should tell him what?"

"You know, your condition. medications and why you take them, in general, does he know"

"I never really broached the subject. I mean, I thought about it. But then the timing was never right between us. And now that it is I just don't want to ruin it. Now I don't know what to say. I know I should. But I guess I'm a little afraid. You know, it's not easy to tell someone your life history. And what if he changes his perception of me? What if he thinks that I deceived them? By not telling him?"

"Hey, Cassiopeia, you are a jewel. And he is lucky to have you. And if he breaks up with you, over your life history over something that you've never had any control over and never at fault, then maybe never deserved you after all." Ashley comforts me and grabs my hands tight. The panic went away.

So, what do I do?

Now that Ashley has mentioned this, I'm worried. How do I even talk? How do you tell someone that your shortcomings are something that can never go away? And that is something you can not fix? There is no cure. And that you have a lot of physical and mental baggage. How do you convince someone to love you after that?

"Hey, I'm sorry to ruin your mood."

"No, no, you didn't do that. You're sensible. I mean, not that you have mentioned I can prepare myself to talk to him because now that we are engaged I need to tell him these things, right?"

"Yes. But no matter what happens, you know, I'll always be there for you, Cassie."

"Thanks, I know."

"So, cheers to the two of us engaged. Ready to be married."

"Cheers."

The waiters bring us our specials. It is sea bass with shrimp lemon scampi sauce and paired with white wine. It is light and fresh. freakin delicious. Once again, genius set Xavier with this genius recipe.

"Hey, we're home." I jolted out of my sleep.

"Oh, thanks. You're not coming?"

"No, no, I have to finish up my article and cover story so yeah, I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Okay, bye. Bye ash. Thanks for today."

I enter my hall and Tabby is delightfully waiting for me to feed her. So I do it. And also her feisty little kittens. They're hungry little monsters, but they're super adorable. I cook some ramen noodles and Dad had mentioned he was going to be late. It's Thursday pub night, obviously. So I grab a crossword and solve it within 10 minutes.

Then finally, I grab a paper and a pen.

Oh, there's a text. It's from Vincent.

'Sorry, Ben busy. I will call you later. The negotiations are bit of a headache. And I cannot catch a break. Bye for now.' I reply.

'Hey, don't worry about it. I understand. Let me know what time you come here Anyways, I miss you. Bye. Take care. I love you. '

So how do I start? How do I begin with the letter?

Dear Vincent.

First of all, can I just say how much I love your name? Vincent Alexander. It sounds like a warrior. And this warrior chases away the demons. And I'm so glad you found me. What I'm about to tell you is something that didn't cross my mind until very recently, and I'm sorry. But please understand, I did not try to hide this from you. I was just so comfortable with you that I forgot about all the baggage I've been carrying. You see before Seattle.

I have dealt with a tremendous amount of pain. And this pain that I'm talking about can last me a lifetime. And there is no cure. And to be honest, and I never looked for one until I met you so afraid to tell you everything. Because what if you don't see me the same way anymore? What if you change your mind by that is up to you, I cannot change that I cannot change my life. It's part of who I am. So here goes nothing. But I love you. And that's not going to change. You see, the pain that I mentioned has been awful. And I can never move on from that but I have been trying to by going to my therapist.

And before Seattle, I never had any people to explain all this to only my dad knows. It's always been me and my dad. But I promise you, I got to meet all these amazing people. All these people care about me. I'm very thankful. But all this love and caring that I've been receiving is also overwhelming. Everyone might think that I'm perfect. Even you think that I am ideal, but I'm far from perfect. I can never be perfect.

I take certain medications, too, to ensure that pain never goes over the top. You see the pain that I mentioned has no cure. And it's something that I've had to deal with for a while now. And I've been okay with it. And not a lot of people can catch it at first. But when they do they think I'm crazy. I hope you understand that. These medications and my condition is just a small part of me that's damaged. And maybe it can be fixed or maybe cannot be fixed. This condition comes up whenever I'm nervous or sad. And the reason why I have not seen a lot of these episodes is that I haven't been sad or nervous around you. Quite the opposite. I have been lustful, happy, and confident around you and I'm so glad about that. I hope you understand*' ( To be continued.)

The weather seems nice today. The sky is crystal clear. It is finally Saturday. And we are heading to Duxbury Massachusetts. 40 miles away from Boston. And we get to spend time with Nana and grandfather. It's their wedding anniversary. And those two love birds are still inseparable. inseparable We passed by the Pilgrim Church of Duxbury on Washington street. I've always liked this church, I have good and sad memories of the church. bittersweet but memorable. I wish I could get married here. It's beautiful. Especially the church front is a seashore. You can see Duxbury bay. It's perfect and sublime.

"How long do we get there Dad?"

"Probably another 10 minutes. We're just getting there almost."

"Okay. Let me call Ashley. Let's check where she is."

"Hello."

"Hi, Cassie. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, what happened?"

"No, it's just, I'm packing. I can't make it to your grandfather's anniversary. I know. I promised to me to your dad's girlfriend with you. But, I finally got a good promising lead on my story. And I need to interview them in Vancouver."

"Wow, that's great. Ash. So you, you're heading there now?"

"Yeah, I have a flight to catch. And I'll be there for a couple of days."

"A couple of days. What about us going to Seattle together? I mean, you had some plans?"

"Yeah, shit. You know, I have to cancel that flight, too. This is not how I wanted to go on. "

"No, no, that's okay. Um, we can do it another time. I mean, we don't have to be there at the launch."

"No, but I wanted to be there. Okay, maybe I can drive up from Vancouver to Seattle. I mean, how far away is it? And I can make it. When do you leave Boston?"

"I catch my flight on Tuesday night."

"Oh, that's great. So I can make it. So hey, I have to talk to Xavier as well. And I'll see you in Seattle." 'Bye. All the best. To you too. I'll see you in Seattle. And text me as soon as you land."

I just contemplate the conversations and consequences of me meeting my dad's girlfriend. How how do you even talk to such a person? Yeah, I wish I was more extroverted in certain situations. Sadly, I don't have the knack.