Cleansing Thoughts

As soon as we entered the apartment, I kicked off my shoes, I crossed my arms over my chest and began pacing the length of the living room. Vane and Aine stumbled into the room behind me and made their way to the various chairs spread out across the room.

"Well, that was a bust." I said, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers. Shivering, I rubbed my arms eager to wash the feel of the night off of me. I ran my fingers through my onyx tresses, ashamed and dirty.

Aine perched herself on the couch, her lips quirked up in a half smile and she shrugged her shoulders. I let out an exasperated sigh. Aine lifted her hands up in a show of surrender.

"So, I didn't get the logbook, but I did manage to look at it. And there's something else." She reached into her tunic and pulled out a square shaped brown package. She threw it down on the coffee table with a thud. It was a book, the top aged and worn leather binding, the pages within were well touched and flimsy.

"What is this?" I reached out a hand and gently touched the aged cover. There was no title. I lifted the book delicately and opened to a random page.

January 9th, 2157

It's been weeks since Alexander reached out to me. Weeks since I've agreed to be a part of his fucking twisted experiment. The payout better be worth it…If only I can see Remy again. I'm learning the rules of this world…

I closed the cover. 

"This is his journal!" Aine exclaimed, her eyes glittered with pride. "The bastard was so focused on the logbook; he didn't notice another book missing." 

"This could prove useful." A smile broke out on my face. Very useful indeed. We had some insight into his mind now, perhaps he's written about some of the attack missions he's been sending people on.

"What did you see from what you saw of the logbook?" Vane chimed in to Aine, she leaned forward in her seat, resting her elbows on her knees.

"Most of the pages I could see were filled with notes on the beast and the upcoming battle. Formation ideas, leaders of units, amounts of troops. Notes on the attack patterns of the beast. But when I went back a way, I saw small sections dedicated to a group he called "shadows". These shadows were listed along with a long list of names, and on the name Fayre's name as well as others were crossed out, some were starred." She recalled. 

I rubbed my chin in thought, pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table. Aine and Vane followed me with their gaze.

"The shadows must be the group lead by Darius. The crossed-out names people they've removed from the game, people they've starred maybe people they've converted to their cause." I bit my lower lip. Why? Why are they taking out Lost Souls?

"There was something else." Aine began. "There was a list of streaming schedules. I believe they've been tracking the live streams in the real world. There were bets placed next to the names." My eyes widened, and Vanes did as well. They were tracking the live streams of the Lost Soul contestants, watching their performance as they break through the game.

"Why are they watching us?" I mused out loud. Vane rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"They are trying to manipulate the outcomes of the betting pool. They are eliminating targets who might win against their bets. They are also upping the odds of their candidates by taking out the competition." Vane spoke slowly. "The ones they can they are trying to convince to join them, so they have more guns in the fight." 

"The more Lost Souls in the competition, the less likely they are to win." I suggested.

"Later we'll have to read Axel's journal and see what we can tease out." Vane suggested. I nodded. For now, I just wanted to get clean and forget the events of the night. I thought back to the proximity of Axel, his strong form, his hungry and animalistic demeanor. I shivered. Vane was analyzing my face, his brows drawn together in a frown. I lifted my lips in a small smile.

"It's only a matter of time before Axel realizes we have his book." I noted. Vane shrugged.

"If he knows we have it, he'll likely know we know what's in it." 

I sighed and nodded, looking toward the exit to the room.

"I'm going to take a shower and get out of this outfit." I said, leaving the room.

The water ran in rivulets down my body, into the swirling drain. I tried to imagine that water as the negativity rushing away from me. Deep breaths in, calm my heart rate. As I stood beneath the warm spray I let my thoughts wander. I kept picturing the fierce look in Axel's eyes and comparing them to the gunmetal gray I had grown so accustomed to seeing. The feeling of his hands on me, both exciting and terrifying.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. He was a murderer. He sent packs out to kill the innocent and cull his enemies. I thought of the sorrowful look that entered his eyes before he walked out of the room.

"An actress, you are not, Fayre." His words rang in my ears. I'm not an actress. The fear, the desire, the confusion. It was real. I stared down at my hands. Felt the water dripping off of them, listened to the sounds of the rain swirling down the drain. I looked at the healed cuts and bruises on my body from the recent fights. It was all so real. But I'm not real. Does anything I do matter? The way I acted tonight is not something I saw myself ever doing.

I heard the thud of the door opening and closing. And froze. The water continued to spray down. The glass of the shower stall was all tempered, so it was not possible to see through it, but I could see a tall shadow on the other side of the doorway. A palm rested against the glass.

"Fayre?" I heard Vane's voice call over the wall of the stall. I crossed my arms over myself.

"Yes? Is there something you need?" I kept my voice incredulous. Walking in on my shower! Really.

"Are you alright? Want to talk about what happened tonight? I saw you after… It looked like it might have been intense." His voice was a low growl. I could see the muscles in his hand straining against the class as he clenched. 

"I'm fine, it was nothing." I brushed off his concern, although my heart warmed as he asked me. I swept my dripping hair out of my face and turned off the faucet. I reached the top of the wall for the towel I had left hanging there, and wrapped it around my torso. 

The handle of the door to the shower jiggled. I squealed.

"Fayre talk to me! I saw you." His voice was low. I opened the shower door, his eyes were ignited with fury. His gaze wandered down my body, assessing me for injury. I didn't shiver away from his gaze like I did with Axel. My cheeks heated. I swallowed.

"Axel was…intense. He knew it was a ruse and was testing my boundaries. He didn't hurt me. It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I just feel cheap and dirty." I admitted, casting my eyes downward. His fingers gently went beneath my chin, and tilted my face up to stare into his eyes. He bit his lower lip, and my gaze drifted to his full lips. I remembered the feel of them.

"I was scared for you. Knowing you were in there. Without me." Vane's voice trailed off softly. "I never want you to be in that position." He whispered. His hand interlaced his fingers with mine, his spare hand wound around my waist and pulled me close to him.

"I kept seeing you… When I saw his face." I admitted, my cheeks heating. Vane's lips quirked up in a triumphant smirk.

"I hope to make it so you can never forget." He said softly, his grip dug into my hip, his hand caressed my cheek so close to his face. I could feel his breath on my face. I tilted my head up to face him. Now was my choice. Would I go with him? Or would I back away?