CH 11.1-Secret’s Out

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Abuse and Rape

Yuto's grandmother was asleep, connected to an uncountable amount of wires and a monitor. Yuto didn't know how to feel. Nagisa enveloped his hand tightly as he observed Yuto's worried face.

'Even if he'd been abused, he still can't help but love them because he's part of their family register. He's too innocent'.

Almost as if he were entranced, Yuto had been on the sofa. Silent and overthinking. He would have continued to be in such state if the door wasn't flung open. Kirishima Yuri, Nagisa's ex wife and Yuto's sister, ran into the slate room with a man following her from behind. "Grandma, I've come to see you!"She cried before gasping, surprised to see Nagisa there.

"Shinji? What are you doing here?"She asked and a man followed her into the room. "Oh, Yuri, is that your ex-husband?". The lady nodded and clung to his arm. "Shinji, this is Aoyama Takumi. He's my fiancé,". Yuto looked up, surprised but he bit his lip and stayed quiet. Nagisa smiled at the man. "Nice to meet you Aoyama-kun. I'm Shinji Nagisa,". Takumi returned the smile. "Thank you for taking care of Yuri for the past three years. I hope I treat her as well as you did,".

Noticing that Yuto was staring into space, Nagisa squeezed his hand gently to offer some support. "Eh? You've brought him with you?"Yuri asked and Nagisa rubbed the boy's head gently. "He wanted to go and see her,". Yuto rested his head against Nagisa's shoulder and sighed. He pulled the hood of his hoodie up and felt the man's arm wrap around his shoulder.

"I guess after I left, you two became close huh," Yuri chuckled and Nagisa smiled. "He does so much for me. Plus, he's really adorable with me. You can't help but love him once you get to know him,". Yuri made a rude noise of disbelief and Nagisa whined. "It's true! He's really softhearted, deep down on the inside,". Takumi walked over to look at Yuto and he was a little surprised. "Yuri told me that you looked like you were always ready to kill someone but, you look so softhearted. Are you just worried?".

'It's because Nagi's with me. Holding my hand and keeping me close. Wearing his hoodie that smells exactly like him, smiling so gently at me. That's what's calming to me'.

Takumi put the food that he and Yuri had bought for the grandmother on the table. Nagisa moved a bit so that they could sit on the futon but there still wasn't enough room. "Yuto? Want to cuddle?"He whispered and felt his hand being squeezed in response. He carefully pulled Yuto onto his lap, arms around his waist, resting his head on the boy's small left shoulder.

Both Yuto's sister and her fiancé took a seat on the sofa. Yuri looked intrigued. She basically abandoned her own brother at the house of her ex-husband. Before this, the two were always fighting with each other; they practically hated each other but when did they become this close?

The rosey golden glint of their rings caught Takumi's eye but he decided not to say anything about it, especially with Yuri's loudmouth personality. After all, Nagisa and Yuto looked comfortable with each other's presence.

Plus, they looked really natural together.

'Hehe, that's cute. I don't know what Yuri meant about her 'unloveable' brother when he looks so soft and harmless in Shinji-san's arms'.

Waiting for the old lady to wake up, Nagisa's larger hand was interlocked with Yuto's smaller one trying to comfort him as best as he could. The doctors told the Kirishima siblings that this may be the old lady's last few days alive hence why Yuto was so quiet.

When the grandmother opened her eyes, she was surprised to see a crowd there. She smiled at them and motioned for Yuto to come over to her bed. "Yuto-kun, I have to apologise on behalf of the entire family that we didn't take care of you since you were born. I think it's time you know why,". Nagisa and Takumi's eyes widened but Yuto obediently went over, his hands trembling without the comfort of Nagisa's.

"Grandma! You said we would shut up about it!" Yuri retorted but the old lady flung a pillow at her roughly. "He's 19 now! He'll be an adult next year! He deserves to know!". The old lady glared fiercely at her granddaughter, forcing her to back away and take a seat. Yuto looked down, unable to say a word. He just fiddled with his thumbs quietly.

'I've been worked to death by them since I was 7, they've beaten me for years, cut my own body up, made me modify it in ways I didn't want, insulted me. Why now?'.

The old lady took hold of his shaking hand hesitatingly. She was expecting her hand to be slapped away or for Yuto's hand to tense up but much to her surprise, it eased into her grasp. "Shinji, thank you for treating Yuto very well. You've definitely changed him,".

Her honey brown eyes met Yuto's bright green ones. She sat up with a deep sigh, as if this weighed a lot on her. It was hard for her to say this, after keeping it a secret for so long.

The grip she had on her grandson's hands was stronger and she finally had the heart to look at him and say it. She could feel his heartbeat going mental, likewise with hers. The old woman smiled pathetically at Yuto, clearing her throat.

"You're not fully related to us,".

"Grandma! How dare you tell him that?!".

Yuto's ears began ringing. 'I thought that I was fully related to this family? What happened that I didn't know about?'. All the sudden, he just became hyperaware of his surroundings. The steady beeps of the monitor were louder. The shrill singing of the birds were even more piercing to listen to.

Everything made him feel so aware of where he was and he felt terrified. He could hear his own heartbeat. He held his head in his hands, stressed about the sudden news. Nagisa got up from his seat and pulled Yuto back to the sofa, loosening his hoodie. "He gets really overwhelmed very easily, I'm used to doing this for him,". Takumi knelt down to check on him but Nagisa flashed a quick smile at him. "Don't worry, I've been handling this for a while now. I can handle it,". He felt Yuto's neck and forehead, eyes wide.

"You're burning up!". The old woman cast a look of pity at her grandson before she spoke up. "Yuto, you are the product of your careless mother's affair with a foreign man. It's a wonder you didn't question your blonde hair and green eyes. Yet your features are so convincingly Japanese, I don't blame you for not noticing,". Yuto wanted to stand up but his knees were wobbly.

Trying to soothe Yuto's anxiety, Nagisa pushed him back onto the sofa and let the boy cling onto his arm. "She lied to me. To all of us that she was raped. When really, it was an affair with one of Yuri's father's old clients. We tried to identify him but all we could uncover was his surname, Köhler,".

Clearing her throat, the old woman continued recite the story. "Unfortunately, we were never able to contact him. I don't think you'll ever get to meet your father any time soon; he left the minute Ruri began pestering him for child support". She adjusted herself in her bed. "Because of her lies, we all collectively grew to hate men. What's more, you were the only male in our family. So, we grew to hate you too. We shouldn't have done so when you were so young and didn't know what was going on,".

Yuri sighed and crossed her arms. "At the time you were born, my father had already killed himself since he found out about the affair. Okaa-san hated you so much. She wanted to throw you from the window in her ward but Ojii-san took you with him the minute you were fit enough to leave the hospital,". The grandmother agreed with her granddaughter enthusiastically, her aching back relieved of its pain. "You lived with your grandfather until you were 7. Until he could no longer take care of you and protect you from her. Fifteen years have passed, Yuto. I really wish I could have taken better care of you,".

She coughed and stopped talking. She sipped on some water in a glass by her bedside table before clearing her throat once more. "Although, I'm not worried anymore. You have Shinji to look after you. He was the one who protected you from my cruel daughter and I'm sure he'll protect you from many more dangers. I can rest in peace now,".

"Grandma, don't say that!".

"What Yuri? It's what the doctors told you. Accept it like I have,".

Taking in such sudden news like this wasn't easy for Yuto. He was very grateful that Nagisa had come to the hospital after calling him. He didn't know what would have happened to him if he didn't.

He didn't know if he could possibly take in something like that. He was the product of his mum's fling behind Yuri's dad's back with a foreigner. Yuri is actually his half-sister. Worst of all, his biological father didn't even give a flying fuck about him. His fingers trembled and his grip around Nagisa's arm tightened.

The old lady looked up at both of them. The glint of the rings in the bright sunlight also caught her attention. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it and shot a sweet smile at them. She then sat up and motioned for them to get out of her room. "It's hot in here. I don't need anymore company, thank you,".

It surprised the old lady when Yuto got up and hugged her. "Yuto...you've never hugged me before," She whispered and embraced him back.

'He feels so thin under that thick hoodie of his. His hair is messy as ever. But this hug..Shinji really did change him'.

Petting his head dearly, the grandmother feeling tears trickle down her neck. "Don't cry, Yuto. It was bound to happen. But now, don't focus on me. You still have plenty more people who love you,". She looked at Nagisa who nodded and tapped Yuto's shoulder. "Come on now Yuto, your grandmother needs her rest,". The boy looked up and his tears were wiped away gently. "I'll treat you to something nice, let's go,". Nagisa grabbed his hand and held it tightly as the four of them left the room.

Pulling Yuri aside, Takumi whispered something into her ears. She looked surprised for a second, looking at their ( Yuto's and Nagisa's )hands. She stood her ground. "Shinji-san,". She said in such a firm tone, it made both of them turn around. "You're going out with Yuto, aren't you?". Nagisa sighed. He looked at Yuto, who gave him a small nod. The man lifted Yuto's right hand, both rings being shown off proudly. "Yeah, I guess you'd never have expected it,". Yuri smirked and tossed her long dark hair back.

"Tch...Should have known. Oh well, I guess he's a better match for you,". She enveloped Takumi's hand in hers and began walking away. She stopped short to tell them something else. "Shinji, take good care of him. Aoyama-kun and I wish the best for both of you. As for Yuto, don't force yourself to look at me as your sister. Just forget about me,".

Both of their footsteps began fading in the distance. Nagisa pulled his partner into an embrace, petting his back tenderly. Nagisa smiled at the pair, shifting his smile to the boy in his arms. "Come along, I'll get brunch for both of us. I know a nice café we can go to,". Yuto was quiet for a bit but he clung onto Nagisa's arm as they walked. "Thank you for coming over when I asked you to. I'm sorry that I keep disrupting your classes, Nagi,".

Ruffling his hair, Nagisa hushed him. "You're just as important to me, Yuto. I want you to rely on me, as your boyfriend. Of course I'll come and give you the support when it's necessary,". He took Yuto to a café down the street, it took quite a walk to get there but the boy was greeted with a familiar face.

"Welcome to the café! How may we serve you today?"A server greeted before he looked at Yuto and smiled brightly. "Kirishima!". The blonde haired boy shot a small smile at him and Nagisa was surprised. "Both of you know each other? Is he the friend that you said you made?". Yuto nodded, rubbing his eyes.

Sitting both of them down in a cosy booth, Jaehwan grabbed two menus and a cake guide for them. "I'd never have expected to see Kirishima here. He's very quiet at school,". Nagisa smiled at the thought that Yuto was slowly becoming more friendly and open with other people. "Ryu, what do you recommend here?" Came Yuto's soft voice. "Hm? It's almost lunch hour, you could order our club sandwiches. Or if you'd like a round of cake and pastries, you can choose from the visual guide here,".

Jaehwan was happy to serve them. Yuto observed his friend quietly.

'He's so sociable and happy. He's good with other people. I wish I could be like that. I wish I could be good enough to sustain a job for myself. But if I did, I won't have time to spend with Nagi anymore'.

Uncomfortable, Yuto directed his gaze to the floor.

'Plus, I was an accident anyway. I wasn't meant to be born. Not even my father came back for me'.

Cheering Yuto up would be a difficult task now and Nagisa wasn't sure if he was cut out for it. For Yuto to be told that he was destined to be the black sheep of the family, it must have hit him hard. "Yuto, I'll order for you if that's fine," He cooed and Yuto slumped his head on the table, burying his face in his arms.

"Do whatever you want, Nagi,". He was very moody and Nagisa decided that it was best to give him some space since he was probably in a volatile state of mind now. His eyes were red and sore from all the crying and he kept wondering if he was really meant to be alive. If he was just wasting oxygen another soul in the world desperately needed. Miserable, he pulled the hood of the hoodie over his head and rested his head on the table, Nagisa petting his head gently. "You can sleep if you'd like. I'll wake you up when the food is ready,".

Eventually, Nagisa got up to pull Yuto onto his lap from the other side of the booth so that they could cuddle. One of the waitresses, Manami, was intrigued by the sight she saw. "Ryu-kun, you've started an epidemic. The patrons are copying whatever nonsense you do with Nakanishi-kun,". Jaehwan peeked over and smiled to himself, lightly punching her shoulder. "PDA isn't prohibited in the café anyway,"He chuckled as he prepared their food.

"Seriously..Nakanishi-kun is always hugging and clinging to you on the job, god both of you should get a room,".

"Nami-chan, like I said, you can always date me instead of getting jealous!" Another server Yamato chimed in.

"As if I'd ever go out with someone like you! My standards aren't that low,".

Hearing the servers squabble, Nagisa chuckled to himself. He used to bicker like that with Yuto everyday. But ever since they began dating, their daily fights began dwindling down into occasional spats. It was more pleasant to be around each other although Nagisa did miss Yuto driving his ears around the bend and for good reason too. For being a drunkard who couldn't take care of himself, for always coming home late, for being so scatterbrained and the list could go on and on.

'But now, he's all snuggled up in my arms. He trusts and relies on me. I feel a heavy responsibility to make him happy'.

At last, their drinks and food were served. Jaehwan looked at Yuto, who seemed tuckered out and gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder, smiling at him before walking away to manage the counter.

Thanking him, Nagisa was about to wake Yuto up so that he could have a bite to eat when another man walked into the café while pulling his coat off. He recognised Nagisa and seemed surprised to see him there. "Aniki, don't you have work today?". Nagisa looked up to see his younger brother, Naoki. He worked as an accountant and rarely ever saw his eldest brother.

"Well, I had to accompany Yuto to the hospital this morning so I had to forego work today. It should be fine, I only had one class in the afternoon anyway," Nagisa sighed and his grip around Yuto's waist tightened. Naoki sat down opposite them, staring at the tired boy in his brother's arms. "Both of you are joined at the hip. Do you really love each other that much?". Yuto wrapped his arms around Nagisa's neck, nuzzling into his chest. The man felt his heart melt and his younger brother smirked. "Who knew that you'd fall in love with a kid," Naoki sighed and rested his chin on his arm.

Stirring his coffee, Nagisa held the sleepy boy close as he talked with his brother. "I think he's the only partner I've ever loved this much, Nao,". Naoki looked at his older brother and groaned. "Yeah, even when you had other partners last time, you'd never let them cling to you like you're letting him,". Nagisa shook Yuto gently, to wake him up and let him eat but when the boy woke up, his eyes landed on Naoki's intimidating stare and grew afraid. "N-Nagi...Who's that??"He whispered and the younger one of the siblings could tell he was scared to see him so suddenly.

"I'm Shinji Naoki. 25 years old. An accountant working at a financial firm. I see that you're my Aniki's lover. No harm or prejudice there,". Nagisa's younger brother had this cool and intimidating aura around him.

Ordering a coffee for himself, he sat down to eat with his older brother and Yuto."I'd never have expected you to be here though, Aniki. I guess you can't help it,". Yuto didn't let his guard down that easily. Cautious of Naoki's presence, he took a bite of his half of the sandwich.

'How many siblings does Nagi have? It's like the longer I am with him, the more just pop out of nowhere'.

It seemed that he and Naoki had the same track of thought. "Aniki's the eldest out of 5 siblings, including himself. Aniki, Nee-san, me, Yukina and Kanako. Thank god our Okaa-san's not having anymore,"He drawled and fixed his short scruffy hair. Yuto couldn't help but realise how close Nagisa was with all of his siblings. He was a little envious.

"... don't force yourself to think of me as your sister. Just forget about me.

Limpid green eyes drooped to the ground.

'That's how close you'd be if you were meant to be born right? Of course'.

Trying to cheer his partner up, Nagisa pinched Yuto's cheeks into a smile. "Yuto? What's wrong? I have the whole day to spend with you now,". The boy looked up and huffed. "Was I even supposed to be born? I'm an accident and all I did was ruin a perfectly good marriage,".

Naoki was surprised to hear that but he held his tongue. Nagisa sighed, knowing that his brother would misunderstand. "Yuto, you were never at fault. It's not your fault that your mother decided to have an affair; you couldn't control that. You don't have any control over her actions. You shouldn't have to feel responsible over what she did to wreck her own marriage,".

Patting Yuto on the back, Nagisa was trying to give him some advice. "I think it's important for you to you understand that no matter how many times your mother blames you for upsetting her life, she willingly chose to fuck herself over. Children are never the issue when it comes to broken families, the only problem being parents that make poor choices".

That must have hit Yuto's tender spot because tears immediately began pouring out of his eyes. Naoki decided not to say anything and to let his older brother take the reins. "You must have been overthinking. Am I right, Yuto?". Quietly nodding, Yuto cried into his arm, wheezing. He was breaking down and it seemed like everyone in the café shot a subtle look of concern in his direction.

Quick on his feet, Jaehwan guided Nagisa and Yuto to the small office in the back where the owner would usually be if he came to visit. It was a smaller and much safer space for Yuto to be in considering how anxious he was around other people. "Let me know if you need anything," He whispered before shutting the door softly.

Holding Yuto close, Nagisa tried to soothe him. Yuto had had an emotionally draining day and those negative thoughts must have been gloating in his head. He might have been at his breaking point when he was incredibly moody earlier but he was trying to hold it all in for Nagisa's sake. Yuto's life was crashing down and Nagisa felt like he had to do something about it.

Stroking Yuto's shoulder tenderly, Nagisa whispered to him. "Are you able to speak?". Yuto wheezed before he let a croaky "Y-yes" escape from his lips. Nagisa continued to help him ground himself. "Name me one thing in this room that you can see and one thing that you can hear,".

With shaky breaths, Yuto mumbled his reply. "I s-see..Nagi..and I hear..N-Nagi's c-calm voice,".

'Well that works too'.

Nodding, Nagisa wiped his tears away before he continued speaking.

"Are you comfortable telling me how you feel now?".

"I r-really don't f-feel good, Nagi. I feel so w-worthless..hopeless,".

Glancing at the door, Nagisa pat him on the back. "Would you prefer to tell me the reasoning behind your emotions now or when we get home?". He patiently waited for Yuto to respond while cradling him in his arms. "H-home. We can't keep your brother waiting,".

Almost laughing, Nagisa tried to stifle his laughter. "Nah, he won't mind. He's probably thinking of his work right now,". As if on command, Naoki knocked on the door. "Aniki...Is Kirishima-kun alright?". Nagisa glanced at Yuto to ask him if it alright for Naoki to come in to which Yuto nodded in response. "Yeah, he's doing much better now. If you'd like to come in, the door's unlocked,".

Naoki's cool voice could be heard on the other side of the door. "I would love to, but my lunch break is almost up. I've left a small present for Kirishima-kun at your booth. I hope that'll be enough for now,". Nagisa called out to his younger brother in response. "Oh you... I'm sure that it will be enough. You didn't have to buy anything for him,".

Before Naoki could even reply, Yuto's soft voice cut through the bickering brothers. "T-Thank you, Naoki-san,". Smirking, Naoki was triumphant. "Of course, Kirishima-kun. Please eat it well with my Aniki."

Just like that, he wished both of them goodbye, leaving behind some cake behind as a way of lifting Yuto's spirits.

.

.

.

A box of cake in his hands, Yuto stored it in the fridge the minute they arrived home. How generous of Naoki to get a cake for them when he couldn't even sit down with them for long. He was still unhappy but being able to cry it out in the café helped him feel better. He had promised to tell Nagisa about his feelings after dinner when he had calmed down.

Even though Nagi and his brother tried to cheer me up, there's just this pit of dread in my stomach that I can't get rid of'.

In new clothes, Nagisa came out of his room holding up DVD. "Come on, let's watch this together and take your mind off things. I'll take care of dinner,". With that, both of them spent the rest of the afternoon watching a movie together.

Then came the day Yuto woke up in tears. He stared at the document delivered to Nagisa's mailbox. His heart sank. His head hurt. His eyes stung from fighting tears back. Nagisa on the other hand, understood. He tried comforting Yuto in any way he could.

That morning, Nagisa went to the florist and picked up a bouquet of white lilies. He held Yuto's hand, clad in black, ready to take him to the hospital.

_φ(･ω･ Author's Note

Yuto is too precious for this world. Now that the secret's out, did you expect it? Voting is appreciated! Thank you for reading this chapter of A Heart To Heal! ♡