CH 6.1 - Deja Vu (PA)

Back against the wall, Yuto's face was tear-stained. Why did Nagisa shout at him last night? Was it because he asked about getting a job? Was it the persistent questions about marriage? He wasn't even ready to get married. He stared at his reflection in his phone's screen and groaned.

He looked like shit. 'What is he talking about anyway? Who would want to take me away from him when I look this awful?'.

His face was pale and his eyes seemed to have tattooed dark rings under themselves. He didn't even bother to sleep with proper ventilation so he had a stuffy nose. His eyes darted around the room. He hadn't slept in here ever since he and Nagisa had begun dating. Now what? Were they going to break up?

'Is this what it's like to be on the verge of a breakup? It is, isn't it?'.

On the other hand, Nagisa had been trying to apologise to Yuto from the moment he woke up. "Yuto? Are you okay? I can hear you crying in there,"He gulped, knocking the door gently.

"What kind of stupid fucking question is that?! Leave me alone!"Yuto screeched.

"I'll admit that I was in no position to shout at you. It's my fault. I'm in the wrong here. Please let me in so I can make it up to you,".

"Go away. You don't even love me anymore..."

Scratching the back of his head, Nagisa knew that he had made a grave mistake. 'I should learn to control my emotions better. I shouldn't have raised my voice yesterday'. He glanced at the clock and hurriedly got dressed so that he wouldn't be late to work. He still had some spare time left so he prepared some toast and jam for Yuto to eat when he decided to leave the room. Nagisa just felt so guilty for yelling at him the night before. But, it's not like he could turn time back. He could only take accountability for his own faults now and take care to not repeat them. He covered the food and slipped on his coat. He stole a look at the door to Yuto's room and hastily set a bottle of water down in front of it.

"Yuto? I'm coming home a bit later than usual, okay? There's toast for you on the table."He called out to him, rapping the door softly. "Please have something to eat and drink when you leave your room. There's water for you outside. I'm sorry that I can't skip work today to be with you,". A loud 'thud' was heard colliding with the door which meant that Yuto must have thrown a pillow at him. "I'm not expecting to be forgiven. But, please don't do anything to endanger yourself while I'm not at home. You have every right to be mad at me,". Nagisa glanced at his watch before he pulled out his wallet and slipped some money underneath the bottle.

"If you don't like whatever I made for you to eat, please take this money and get something from the market. You can also text me to order delivery for you if you don't feel fit enough to trek to the market. I'll understand,".

silence

Nagisa rapped the door once more, his face torn. "Again, I'm sorry for yelling at you and failing to keep my composure. Please come out of your room soon so we can talk this out,". Seriously, Nagisa had no idea that it would turn out this bad. He buttoned up his coat and huffed. "I'm going to work now, Yuto. Please don't hate me after this. Make sure you have something to eat,". Just like that, he left the house quietly, hoping that Yuto would cool down.

When he heard the car's engine fade in the distance, Yuto unlocked the door to his room and sighed. He made his way to the bathroom to wash his face. He didn't get a wink of sleep last night. He just kept crying and crying because he was so convinced that he was the reason Nagisa was angry last night. He didn't even stop to think that Nagisa had overreacted or that he behaved irrationally. 'No, it's all my fault. I should have known better'. He lifted his head up to look at himself and sniffled.

'It really is my fault. It's not a wonder he got angry at someone so disgusting and selfish'.

After wiping his face dry, he headed to the dining room. There were two pieces of toast with some jam that had been sloppily spread. Yuto took Chitose from his room along with the money and the bottle of water before he sat down to nibble on the food. The toast was still warm but the edges were slightly charred. Nagisa clearly had no idea how to work the toaster but he was worried that Yuto wouldn't have anything to eat. However, all that sobbing must have dulled Yuto's sense of taste. The food tasted like sweet cardboard. He munched steadily through the pieces of toast, sipping on water while he ate.

The house did feel lonely and quiet. Especially after their fight last night, it was exceptionally silent. Yuto didn't have the energy to do any chores or study. He washed up and made his way to their bedroom where he wanted to have a nap. He pulled Chitose close to him and rubbed his twitching eyes. He laid down and stole Nagisa's shirt, holding it up to his nose. As much as they weren't on the brightest terms at that very moment, he couldn't deny that Nagisa's scent helped reduce his anxiety. He couldn't deny that he did feel protected and safe around Nagisa. Perhaps Nagisa was right; He only wanted to protect Yuto from any harm.

He set the alarm on his phone to exactly 6pm; Half an hour before Nagisa got off work. He would leave for the market by then so that they wouldn't immediately cross paths when he got home. He huffed and set the phone down, feeling his eyelids get heavier before the world around him faded to black.

.

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Meanwhile at school, Nagisa had been lectured by Misako for not being able to control his emotions. "What did I tell you? You've let your head get too big and now you've screwed up haven't you? What did I tell you, Shinji? Loosen up,"She muttered, elbowing him in the chest. She folded her arms and sighed, narrowing her eyes. "How on earth are you going to make it up to him, you insensitive walnut?". Nagisa shrugged, looking down at his feet. "I'm not sure yet. But I'll try to talk it out between us when I get the chance to be at home,". Misako nodded and picked up her handbag from her seat. "Well, I hope you can resolve things between the both of you soon. Don't be too harsh on him, it's not his fault he has so much anxiety,". Nagisa nodded and waved goodbye to her before he began packing up to go home from work.

Turns out that the seminar he had ended earlier than expected which meant he could return home at his usual time. Yuto hadn't contacted him for the whole day so he was worried that something had happened to him. He only hoped that Yuto was okay and safe and in a much better space mentally. He would try to hurry home so that he could clean up the mess he had made. While heading to his car though, a group students stopped him from driving off. "Sensei, there's a kitten sleeping under your car. Don't drive off now or you'll squash it,"They pleaded, bending down to look at the kitten. Nagisa looked under his car and sure enough, wedged against the front leftmost tyre of his car was a white kitten. Its fur was smudged with mud and dust though.

Morality got the better of him. He decided to run along to the pet store 10 minutes away to get a cardboard box and some milk for the poor thing. "At least it'll have a place to sleep and some milk to drink for the night,". When he asked the sales assistant for some help, she asked him if the kitten was white. He confirmed her suspicion and she gasped. "The poor thing...Mama Cat and a few kittens were run over by a truck a few days ago. That kitten must be the only one left,". Nagisa was shocked to hear that. Although he knew that taking care of a kitten was a huge responsibility, he didn't want the poor thing to be alone.

Thinking back to how lonely and scary the world must have been for Yuto as a child, he couldn't imagine how the poor kitten must be feeling. He put down the cardboard box in his arms and bit his lip. "Is there a way I can bring it home?". The girl nodded and showed him a carrier with bedding in it. "You can put it in here for the meantime. Would you like to buy other necessities too?". The man nodded and soon enough, the backseat of his car was full of cat food, toys, litter, a bed, milk, food bowls, a scratching pad, bitter apple spray and eco-friendly waste bags for the litter. The girl carefully scooped the kitten from under his tyre. It was tough at first because the kitten was at an awkward angle but she managed.

"I'll give this thing a quick scrub. My partner will do a quick medical inspection on her and she'll be all yours,". Nagisa nodded and looked at the little kitten. The kitten had such dazzling blue eyes that he knew he had already fallen for the cute thing's charm. He hoped that Yuto would cheer up at the sight of such an adorable kitten. Of course, he wasn't trying to use the kitten as a negotiator's tool but he hoped that the presence of this kitten in their lives could strengthen the bond they had as a couple. He looked at his phone, desperate to see a missed call from Yuto or something.

Nothing.

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Clutching his empty shopping bag, Yuto made his way to the market. It was quite a bustling environment and he was scared to be all alone so he had tied Chitose's pink ribbon around his wrist. He didn't actually bring the stuffed zebra with him out of fear that she could get dirty or stolen. He'd never gone to the market alone before so perhaps he could show Nagisa that he was capable of being independent. He managed to buy a few things although he mostly kept to himself. He would have never imagined that being in a market was such a stimulating environment. Shouting, birds chirping, talking; They were all overwhelming to him.

He still had a few stops to make before heading home when a massive crash roared from the side of the market. So it seemed that the rain from earlier had made the roads a little more slippery than usual and the victims crashed into the wall of a building. Everyone stopped what they were doing.

"Wow..what an awful crash,".

"I can't imagine how they'd make it out alive from something so strong,".

"What? That's a mother and her child, right?".

Yuto was frozen. Everything came back to him. His accident months ago replayed itself in his head like a movie sequence. His mother's dead body, bleeding from head to toe flashed in his head and he felt faint. He shrank on the tiled pavement, holding his head in his hands, writhing from the sudden pain in his chest.

'I'm going to die! I'm going to die! I'm going to die! I won't even live to grow old with Nagi! I'm dying before him! I'm dead! I won't live another day!'.

Those string of thoughts replayed themselves in his head like a broken record stuck on repeat. He was horrified. His heart felt as if it had skipped a beat. His vision had become bleary. He had begun cold sweating and gasping for air, hugging himself tightly. A passerby could hear Yuto's hoarse breathing and immediately bent down to check on him. "Hey, are you okay? Are you having trouble breathing?". Yuto nodded and coughed, choking for air. He could no longer sustain his own body's weight and collapsed on the ground, grabbing at his chest hard, groaning in pain. The man was visibly panicked and he motioned for someone to come help him.

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Bright yellow walls surrounded Yuto when he came about. The room felt oddly nostalgic to him. Warm, almost inviting. He sat up and groaned, looking around the room. Why did he feel like he had been here before? But the one thing that caught his eye was a drawing that was framed on the wall, signed in the corner of the picture. He zeroed into the picture and gasped.

That was his signature.

Huh? Could this place really be?

The door opened and an older man trudged in, a cordless phone in hand. He looked at Yuto and smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed. He held out a name tag in the palm of his hand. With a fatherly grin on his face, he placed the name tag on Yuto's lap. The silver name tag had Yuto's name on it and that was when it hit Yuto. "Fujikawa-sensei?". The man's smile grew broader and he hugged Yuto tightly. "Kirishima-kun I knew it was you!".

Fujikawa quickly let go of him. "Sorry, I almost forgot that you hated physical contact,". Yuto's face was flushed and the old man smiled. "I'm seriously relieved that you're alive and well,". The old man looked around the room and chuckled. "You used to study here. Remember?". The boy nodded and stared at the gleam of the name tag under the bright white light. "I do. This looks like my second home throughout middle school and junior high school,". The man scratched his head and laughed. "Somewhat. This room's a bit smaller compared to the old one. This was the best I could get it to,".

"I'm relieved that you remember who I am. I already got my mother to call your guardian. He'll come over soon,". Yuto gulped and looked down at the floor. "How did you call him?". Fujikawa could sense that Yuto's behaviour changed the moment his 'guardian' was mentioned. "What's wrong? Does he hit you?". The boy shook his head and stroked the pink ribbon around his wrist, comforting himself. "No, but he scolded me yesterday. He didn't want me to get a part-time job and he yelled at me,". Fujikawa tutted him and stood up, holding out his hand. "Come on, let's make you a cup of hot tea so that you can have something to eat while we wait for him,". Yuto took his hand graciously and followed him.

Soft and powdery strawberry daifuku was presented to Yuto on a plate. "Eat up, Kirishima-kun. Those are extras from my mother's rounds today,". They looked familiar. "Thank you. Fujikawa-sensei, is your mother that old woman with the unique floral apron?"He asked, nibbling on the daifuku. "Correct. I got your guardian's number from her because she told me that he's a regular,". Fujikawa poured a hot cup of tea for Yuto and they continued chatting until Nagisa arrived at his house.

"Yuto? I was seriously worried when the daifuku Oba-san called me to pick you up from her house! Where on earth were you?".

The homeowner huffed and set the teapot down. "Let my child have something to eat first. He just recovered from an anxiety attack. Give him some space,". Nagisa sighed but he understood. He bowed to greet Fujikawa before he sat next to his partner. "Listen, Yuto, I'm sorry for yelling at you yesterday night. Two weeks ago, my mother threatened me with an arranged marriage if I didn't marry you in a year's time. I became so possessive over you, it clouded my rationality. I was frustrated. But, I have no right to take it out on you or to pressure you into marrying me. I'm sorry,".

Fujikawa shifted his weight to one end of his body and left the room to give both of them the space they needed. He felt like he probably shouldn't have heard such an intimate and private apology. Yuto's face was flushed when Nagisa apologised to him. "Could you forgive me for being inconsiderate with you? I'm truly sorry to have caused you so much anguish and pain,". He held Yuto's right hand and put the promise ring that his partner wore to his lips. "Thank you for being patient with this old man. I don't have severe anxiety so I'm not able to really know what you've gone through but I'll do my best to understand you better from now on,". Yuto huffed and immediately tumbled into Nagisa's arms, sniffling.

He slumped into Nagisa's chest. "Yesterday, I was heartbroken when you yelled at me. I didn't know what I did wrong. So, I just kept blaming myself,"He wailed and Nagisa held him close, hushing him. "No, no. You did nothing wrong. Yesterday's ordeal was my fault. I couldn't keep my composure and I took my frustration out on you,". Yuto sobbed, covering his mouth. "I kept thinking that you didn't love me anymore. T-That we were going to break up because of me. That everything was my f-fault,"He whimpered and Nagisa shook his head. "Sh...I get it. Calm down, baby. I've been cruel to you yesterday. I'll make it up to you at home, okay?". He planted a tender kiss on Yuto's forehead and wiped away his tears with the pad of his thumb.

The boy nodded quietly, sniffling and Nagisa merely pet his back gently, tutting him. "Thank you for looking after him,"He whispered to Fujikawa, who had entered the room again when the situation seemed to have calmed down. The homeowner poured a cup of tea for Nagisa and sat down, smiling. "I'm Fujikawa Hatori, Kirishima-kun's former homeroom teacher in middle school until junior highschool. I took care of him whenever exam season rolled around or whenever he decided to stay with me for a bit,"He chuckled, splitting one of the strawberry daifuku in half before he bit into one half. Nagisa stroked Yuto's head softly, soothing him while he chatted with Fujikawa.

So it seemed that throughout Yuto's childhood, he would sometimes run away from home to live with Fujikawa; especially during exam season. It was dangerous and risky but he always did it. The old teacher took immense care of Yuto, seeing him as the quiet child he had always wanted to have but couldn't because of erectile dysfunction (ED). He would make sure the house was a quiet and safe environment for Yuto during those hard days so that he could feel at peace. Fujikawa bonded and even celebrated special occasions with him. He considered asking Yuto to let him be his father figure but Yuto moved away to live with Nagisa so he never even got the chance to ask.

Leaving behind his silver name tag and tie, Fujikawa held onto those items. He knew that one day, he'd meet him again. Even if they didn't cross paths, those items would serve as something to remind him that he became a child's father figure while he was still teaching at that school. Eventually, he moved to be with his mother, coincidentally closer to where Yuto lived. However, he would have never known unless Yuto stepped out of the house. "In a way, this has allowed me to reconnect with Kirishima-kun. Although he's already a grown up, I still want to be a father figure in his life."Fujikawa chuckled, dusting rice flour off from his powdery fingers. The chair scraped against the wooden floor and the homeowner made his way to the fridge.

Small hands wiped at a pair of tired eyes. "Does that mean...you're...you're my adoptive father now?"He asked softly, resting his head on his partner's shoulder. Fujikawa turned around, his ears pink. "Kirishima-kun, could you please repeat what you just asked?". Yuto looked up and locked eyes with Fujikawa. "Does this make you my father now?". The old man laughed sheepishly, a broad grin plastered on his face. "If you'll allow it,".

Yuto smiled his usual small smile and shut his eyes in contentment. "Why not?".

"You're the closest thing I've ever had to a father, Fujikawa-sensei".

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When rays of golden sunlight infiltrated their room, Yuto sat up and stretched. He turned around and saw Nagisa's arms hugging his waist. He smiled preciously and caressed his boyfriend's sleeping face, relieved that they had made up from their fight yesterday. His rear was still a bit sore from their romp last night but he'll manage. 'This man's stamina is crazy'.

He shuffled his way out of bed, filling the empty space of Nagisa's arms with a bolster before he sleepily made his way to the bathroom. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a little kitten squatting in a litter box, doing its business. At first he thought he was seeing things but when the kitten approached him and licked his feet, he knew that this was not a mirage.

"Mew!".

The young kitten rubbed itself against his feet and mewed. Yuto sighed and picked it up, smiling. "So, Nagi brought you home yesterday huh?". The kitten cocked its head to the side and meowed, wrapping its tail around his wrist. "I don't think it'd be right to put something so young and helpless back on the streets,". The kitten stared at him, docile and sweet. Yuto cuddled the precious thing in his arms and headed for the kitchen. He dug through the bags on the floor and found a powdered milk formula for young cats. 'Ah, he really thought this through'.

Scooping some of the powdery substance into the kitten's new bowl, he fawned over the little thing while waiting for the water to heat up. Their bedroom door was thrown open and Nagisa rushed over to the kitchen. "Yuto, I can explain--"He cried and stopped in his tracks when he heard the kitten mewing from Yuto's arm. "I get it, Nagi. You don't have to explain anything,". Nagisa walked over to them and embraced Yuto from behind, pecking him on the cheek. "You're okay with the kitten?". Yuto smiled and put the bowl down so he could hug both Nagisa and the kitten together. "She's ours now..I'm more than okay with it,".

The water heater made a 'beep' sound and Yuto poured some water into the powdered milk formula. "We'll have to let this cool before she can drink it,"He mumbled, stirring any lumps away. The kitten looked at the milk fondly and purred. "I think she likes it. She can smell it,". Nagisa laughed and pet the cute thing from Yuto's arm, grinning.

"Say, what should we name her?". Yuto shrugged, blowing at the bowl of warm milk gently. "She'll suit any name." After testing the warmth of the milk with his finger, he set the bowl down on the floor. The kitten mewed in delight and began lapping the milk up the moment its paws touched the ground.

"What about Yuna then?".

"Why Yuna though? What does Yuna mean to you, Nagi?".

"Well..it's a combination of the first syllables of our given names,".

Yuto's ears were red when he heard that. Nagisa could tell that he had made Yuto all shy and flustered and put his arms around him again. "Do you not like it?". The boy shook his head and leaned against his boyfriend's chiseled figure, holding his hands. "No, I love it. It's the perfect name for her,".

Their newfound companion looked at them, her blue eyes gleaming. She mewed cutely at them, making both of them giggle.

Yuna thought her new name was perfect too.