Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Breakdown

I lay in bed with Alvis feeling secure. It started to scare me, feeling comfortable and safe, as a woman in this generation not getting comfortable is the best. After years of pain, all I need is peace and serenity. I felt peace very few times in my life other than those times, I feel like I'm in a jungle full of hungry tigers in military uniform. People get angry when they see no ambition in a person, but if ambitious means to chase money and lose humanity, I don't want that ambition. I am ambitious, I'm not considered ambitious because I don't want what everyone else wants, this world has become a world full of followers and when they see someone step out of their comfort zone people try to bring you down. The hardest part of being me is no matter how hard it gets, how many people try to drag me down, I don't listen, I don't let people take me down, made me so cold. Fenox was the first time I felt I didn't need to fight anymore. Here I am in Alvis arms feeling warm and peaceful, wondering what's next, thinking am I falling too hard, he definitely wants the sex but not me as a person. Amazing sex with different perspectives, I find myself just enjoying peace for one more second before he must go.

Life likes to fall apart all together, work got stressful and my mind hurts of thoughts. I go home bad day after bad day, I lay down, feel a tear come down, I wish I could text Fenox but I've decided to stay away, I can do it on my own. I don't want to do it on my own but it's the only way I know how to live. I ended things with Alvis, he respects my choice. As things fall apart at work, I feel like I'm drowning, I fight the feeling and the sleepless nights, I take a shot of rum before bed to try to ease my mind. When people tell you not to worry, it always comes to my thoughts, if you're in a bad situation and you don't worry then how can you fix the problem? If something goes wrong, you need to know what is wrong to fix it, step 1 is to worry, step 2 is how can I make this better, step 3 is to put your plan in motion, step 4 give it your all and pray to the creator to give you the push you need. Life falls apart all the time, I just don't deny it, pretending only helps the selfish, and people hiding behind masks marching under the same government who lets children starve, have fake charities and imaginary economies. The Creator created everything everyone needed free of charge. Men kind decided we need a different leader, people let themselves walk with blind folds, we are here creating 1 person's world, that person sits, does nothing, takes all our money, and we think we are safe, we are never safe putting our safety under someone else.

Thinking about the structure, we pay for what people use to do on their own. People use to build their own home and hunt their own food, now you can't build your own home without ending up in prison or plant your own food without paying for land. Greed, the evilest of all sins, people fought for land that could be shared and resources that could have been shared as well. Humanity has turned into hate, greed, and being selfish. I grew up around love into I came to this place, the Destroyer lies here, still I put myself above that, try to be the reason people smile and learn to care again. Life has put me down plenty times, but I refuse to let it consume my life, that's what the Destroyer wants. I rather help build, theirs enough people with scars including myself, scars don't disappear as people say, they make you or break you. I've learned my lessons and kept the Creator in my heart, this all ends and I rather spend eternity in peace. The wicked gets rewarded because they have sold their souls for material things, to spend their eternity with the Destroyer living the life of the people they have hurt. Then there's the people who get dragged into the Destroyer's layers and don't deserve it.

It's said on your last moments of life, you see your whole life pass by your eyes. I feel so frustrated in deep thought about humanity. 75 percent of humanity is lost the other 25 are fighting to make it through the storm of evil, it is very sad, fighting a battle a good soul can't win, where's the Creator to unveil the lies told by these leaders. There's no reason why anyone should be homeless or starving, everyone is different, these leaders say you fit their agenda or suffer trying to provide. People hide their feelings to protect their mind, anything to feed their families, putting other people down, trying to mold people's mind and calling them crazy if they say the truth. I wonder if at death when a person gets their judgement, who will listen to the lies, would they sit there and lie to the Creator, try to work their way out of hell. It's all fun and games until manipulation doesn't work and the creator has the power to replay your life and shut down those lies. I can picture the evil asking for mercy after they give no mercy. I hope they are forced to relive every life they have harmed purposely over greed, money and power, those things don't die with you, but your soul, the good and bad you've done it's why the Creator puts us on earth, to unveil who you really are. If you are evil I believe is your choice, I went through a lot of bad things but I don't take it out on others nor do I let it define me. I get up every day thinking of my surroundings and being there for other people emotionally, let them know they aren't alone, and even though we live with scars and the world against, we can still spread love. My day can be the worst, I can be in a storm and I will still make someone smile, I'm still going to pray for happiness and peace on earth, I will still acknowledge accomplishment. I don't understand envy and hate, why hate? why envy? I will always be happy, I know how hard it is to fight the battle the correct way, and when my brother or sister makes it, I will be happy and excited to see the fight is worth it. I hear beeping sounds, I'm too deep in my thoughts, I look at the bright lights of the car, I feel pain sink in for a second before I feel the floor, I hear sirens, I see nothing.

Doctor Samuel tries to wake Ausra up, no response, she sunk into a coma. "nurse is there any one we can call? Go through her cell phone" she sighs "sir the phone is locked" then the phone starts ringing. "Ausra?" Responds Fenox "no, Ausra has been in an accident" sighs the nurse "where are you taking her?" Fenox rushes to the hospital.

Chapter 4 Inspired By: Nickleback – Lullaby